arkainedrk's blog: "About me?"

1. What do Jell-O and a woman have in common? ---They both wiggle when you eat them. 2. What is a Yankee? ---The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone. 3. What do women and condoms have in common? ---They both spend more time in your wallet than on your penis. 4. What do you call two skunks that are 69ing? ---Odor eaters. 5. What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? ---A Lickalotopuss. 6. Why do men name their penis? ---They like to be on a first name basis with the one making most of their decisions. 7. What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? ---Snowballs. 8. What does a rooster have that a man wants? ---A hard pecker. 9. What kind of bees give milk? ---Boo bees. 10. What do gay men refer to hemorrhoids as? ---Speed bumps. 11. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common? ---They both like a tight seal. 12. Why do only 30% of women get into Heaven? ---If it were more, it would be Hell. 13. What has three teeth and sixty feet? --- The front row at a Willy Nelson concert. 14. What is the new gay Internet address? ---c: enter 15. What did the lesbian frog say to the other lesbian frog? ---They're right! We do taste like chicken! 16. What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? ---The balls are just for decoration. 17. What did the banana say to the vibrator? ---What are YOU shaking for? She's going to eat ME! 18. Why do girls rub their eyes in the morning? ---They have no balls to scratch 19. What is the difference between erotic and kinky? ---Erotic is using a feather ... kinky is using the whole chicken. 20. What is the difference between ooooooh and aaaaaaah? ---About three inches. 21. How do you make a hormone? ---Don't pay her. 22. What do you call a gay dinosaur? ---A Megasorass. 23. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? ---One..Men will screw anything. 24. What do Michael Jackson and a grocery bag have in common? ---They are both made of plastic and dangerous for children to play with. 25. What is the mating call of a blonde? --- "I'm sooooo drunk!" ------------------------------------------------- "Three ducks go into a bar." "Say, what's your name?" the bartender asked the first duck. "Huey," was the reply. "How's your day been, Huey?" "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?" said Huey. "Oh. That's nice," said the bartender. He turned to the second duck, "Hi, and what's your name?" "Dewey," came the answer from duck number two. "So how's your day been, Dewey! ?" he asked. "Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck want?" The bartender turned to the third duck and said, "So, you must be Louie?" "No," she said, batting her eyelashes. "My name is Puddles." ------------------------------------------------- A blind man was traveling in his private jet when he detected something was wrong. He made his way to the cockpit and got no response from his pilot. The blind guy then found the radio and started calling the tower. "Help! Help!" The tower came back and asked, "What's the problem?" The blind guy yelled, "Help me! I'm blind... the pilot is dead, and we're flying upside down!" The tower comes back and asked, "How do you know you're upside down?" "Because the shit is running down my back!" ------------------------------------------------- "Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week." "That's very fair, your honor." the husband said "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself!". ------------------------------------------------- A group of guys and one girl are sitting together at a ball game. During the game the guys notice that the girl knows just as much about the game as they do, and they're really impressed. After the game they ask her "how is it that you know so much about baseball?" She says, "Well, I used to be a guy and got a sex change." The guys are amazed, but very curious about the process. "What was the most painful part of the process? Was it when they cut off your penis?" "That was very painful, but was not the most painful part." "Was it when they cut off your balls?" "That was very painful, but was not the most painful part." "What was the most painful part?" "The part that hurt the most was when they... cut my salary in half!" -------------------------------------------------

10 Reasons To Have SEX! (You NEED A Reason?)... 1. Scientific tests find that when women make love, they produce double amounts of the hormone estrogen, which make hair shiny and skin smooth. 2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow. 3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner. 4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscles in the body. It’s more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps and you don’t need special sneakers! 5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases the body endorphin into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being. 6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy! 7. Sex is the safest tranquillizer in the world. It is 10 times more effective than Valium. 8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up. 9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restrict blood vessels in the brain. 10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.

"Kinky is a feather, perverted is the whole chicken."

"Sex is like a card game...If you don't have a good partner you better have a good hand... " :(

Linkin Park Lyrics In the end. Linkin Park Lyrics In The End (It starts with) One thing / I don’t know why It doesn’t even matter how hard you try Keep that in mind / I designed this rhyme To explain in due time All I know time is a valuable thing Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings Watch it count down to the end of the day The clock ticks life away It’s so unreal Didn’t look out below Watch the time go right out the window Trying to hold on / but didn’t even know Wasted it all just to Watch you go I kept everything inside and even though I tried / it all fell apart What it meant to me / will eventually / be a memory / of a time when I tried so hard And got so far But in the end It doesn't even matter I had to fall To lose it all But in the end It doesn't even matter One thing / I don’t know why It doesn’t even matter how hard you try Keep that in mind / I designed this rhyme To remind myself how I tried so hard In spite of the way you were mocking me Acting like I was part of your property Remembering all the times you fought with me I’m surprised it got so (far) Things aren’t the way they were before You wouldn’t even recognize me anymore Not that you knew me back then But it all comes back to me In the end You kept everything inside and even though I tried / it all fell apart What it meant to me / will eventually / be a memory / of a time when I I tried so hard And got so far But in the end It doesn’t even matter I had to fall To lose it all But in the end It doesn’t even matter I’ve put my trust in you Pushed as far as I can go And for all this There’s only one thing you should know I’ve put my trust in you Pushed as far as I can go And for all this There’s only one thing you should know I tried so hard And got so far But in the end It doesn’t even matter I had to fall To lose it all But in the end It doesn’t even matter

"What is love"? My answer... Many have asked the same question. I feel it depends on too many things to have just one answer. For me, it's the feeling I have when I see my sons playing with my grand daughters. Since I have one one to share *my* love with but them. But a song just came to mind... "Sitting on my front porch, looking in"... Now that's love!

"A real man is one who can take the world on his shoulders, and still be humble enough to kneel and wipe away a tear or kiss a smile of the one he loves." By DRK, 07/26/2007

Gonna be f*cked! A man was lying on a blanket at Matagorda beach. He had no arms or legs. Three women were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man. The first woman said " Have you ever had a hug" The man said "No", so she gave him a hug and walked on. The second woman said "Have you ever had a kiss". The man said "No", so she gave him a kiss and walked on. The third woman walked over to him, knelt down and whispered in his ear, Have you ever been F****d? The fellow looked up in amazement and said "No" The woman smiled and said .... "You will be when the tide comes in."

A Horse, A Chicken & A Harley On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together. One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help! Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor. Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley. Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life. Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him. After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse! Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned. The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best Buddies, Best Pals. A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life! The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle. Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thing and he would then lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life. The moral of the story? (yep, you betcha, there IS a moral!) "When You're Hung Like A Horse, You Don't Need A Harley To Pick Up Chicks"

This is only a brief and superficial way to introduce myself and gives you mainly an idea, direction and the first impression only about who I am and what I'm like. But if you want to get to know me better just don't hesitate to contact me! Ok here I am(as it were... ;) )Hmmm...open mouth, insert foot...mumble.... :D Wanted: One woman for one man for one life time or one meeting. Inquire Within. That statement needs some explaining. I do not pretend to have the ability to see the future. That being said. I don’t know if we will meet one time or? Your guess is better than mine. Better because you have to decide what you want and what you do not. It's your choice to contact me because of my profile or picture or both. I like karaoke (I do not sing worth a lick) and dance among other things. Life is too short to take things *too* seriously. Although I do take my love life & career seriously. I watch TV/DVD/VHS. Like a mix of music. C/W (dance), Rock (dance) and Alt. "Kiss this" - Aaron Tippin "Save a horse, ride a cowboy" AC/DC, Aerosmith.....too many to list here. I play games on the PC. Spades, Dominoes, Chess. I am a gentleman and a gentle man. I wonder how many days I have ahead and think I see too few behind. I have a outlook of this.... 3 things effect each of our lives... 1 Chance....the chance meeting of 2 like minded people... ;) 2 Choice....We all make our choices... 3 Fate...seems some things are just meant to happen. I am not counting on fate or chance anymore. I make the choice to put my *name* in the ring to see what happens...(Relies somewhat on chance...) I am confident about me. (Yes, I know the difference between confidence and arrogance.) Having any luck finding who your looking for? Seems like it should be an easy to do. Right? How about romantic and attentive. I find long(10 to 15 miles)walks to be great for clearing my mind & body. Taking time to stop and smell the roses or looking at a strange looking rock. I enjoy couch *activities*...but not a couch potato. I don't play(although I have been asked to). Feelings are important to me. Not just sex for sex sake. Feelings really *EXPLODE*, if you know what I mean lets talk. See if we click? ;) I'm not interested in a long distance relationship(if there is NO chance of meeting...then don't waste your time or mine...please?). I want to meet someone I can do things with. Have fun with, be friends with and enjoy each others company and what ever else follows. I don't judge on looks alone, unlike some. It does help lots , toward a *close* relationship. There, I said it. I too have to attracted to the lady. Time tells about the inside. Experiences with someone. We all have our *picture* of the perfect person for us. I like a *good looking* woman. We all have our good and bad. ;) As far as *extra* pounds...I like some padding...I am thin...and walk 10+ miles without getting winded... ;) The padding can be *nice* ... I won't bore you with the typical male perspective on sex and sexual positions. Should be enough for now that I'm ok with most any size... I like holding hands walking from the car to the store and back(hard in the store and control the cart). Not walking 5 to 10 feet ahead or behind. I like kisses. I like kisses/affection in public(I *love it* when someone says "Get a room"...). Experience has taught me...even if there is an initial *lust*...it fades in a heart beat if the *connection* isn't there when meeting face to face... Never hurts to ask(so the saying goes...)... Unless someone gets offended or their feelings hurt...there is always that catch. All my best friends were once strangers. Some are still very strange. ;) If the right guy was to come along. Would you or could you find the time to spend with him? And would you know him? Don't judge a book... :D I have the same ID on IM's and email as on here... :D If you would like to chat? Care to know more?