Dreamer's blog: "Ah What is Amor!"

You came into my life at a time when I was at my lowest. You brought with you a glimmer of hope and happiness which no one has matched in decades. Through your support, I sought help which made life easier to deal with. Our talks helped me to again realize that I am a survivor. There is a comfort in your presence and I am not afraid. A feeling of peace envelops me. You asked me to dance and I held you tight. I came to care deeply for you. Now you say you are leaving. I know that your heart desires to go back But even though I wish you the best, My heart cries out "Don't Leave Me Please!" I will miss you my friend. Your understanding and love will always be remembered. Take care my friend. When you ever wish to come back, I will be right here waiting for you.

I am in one of my moods today. I just don't feel like talking much. I'm not pushing anyone away, just don't feel very sociable. If you feel like it, leave me a message on yahoo. I might respond and I might not. Later everyone

I saw the doctor today for this cold i've been dealing with and told her about my depression. She wrote me a prescription for an anti-depressant so hopefully that will help. She also said that she wanted to get me feeling better before she tried to help me give up the cigs. I did some shopping today while i waited for them to fill the script and bought some makeup and cds. I picked up Evanescence: Fallen, Korn: Unplugged, and Cheap Trick: The Greatest Hits. I'm not going to let this beat me! I also broke it off completely with my boyfriend and if I do date again, I'll be extremely picky.

Today, I don't want to have another birthday. Today, I don't ever want to see another sunrise. Why? Today, I feel that there is no hope of ever sharing my life with someone special. Today, I feel like I am used up and forgotten. Today, I lock my heart.

I have decided that if I don't have a job by the end of May, I'm moving back to central Kansas. I guess you can say that I have given up. I swore that I wouldn't but there isn't much left that I can do about it. Money is tight enough right now as it is and it's only going to get worse. My quest for love has ended also. The funny thing is that every time I stop looking, men start contacting me. It wouldn't be so bad if the men were good guys but they tend to be married, unemployed, severely overweight, psycho, or just want sex. Like I have said before: Love just isn't in the cards for me.

I had fun tonight. Joked and was serious about things that happened to me in my past. Then, I was booted! I was feeling a jitterous, gleeful fascination, simply innocent but yet an attraction to my flirt. I won't rush off to meet him or steal him away from his woman but it made me feel alive again for just awhile. Love is special and your higher power knows what is right for you. I believe that there is good in everyone no matter what they do. Some people do not get along with other people though an it is there that you must decide if they are right for your life. From there you decide if you leave their world or stay in it. But only you can decide that fate and your higher power will lead you if you let him. My higer power sends me signals to tell me if situations are right or not. Or maybe it's just my intuition and knowledge of right and wrong that guides me. Whichever guides me, I know that by listening to the inner voices that I will make the right choice. There is a love out there waiting to meet me. I know there is.