Johnny's blog: "Aight... I'm gonna start sharing some laughs again. Can't let heartless people ruin it for everyone. hehe (hugs) :o)"

Delivery Day A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said that the hospital was testing an amazing new high-tech machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. Both said they were very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer to 10 percent for starters, explaining that even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor then checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50 percent. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain, and the husband had experienced none. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home they found the UPS man dead on the porch.... "Ummm... honey. I might need to tell you something. Sweety?" ROFLMASO!!!! :oP

All In A Days Work? A Tennessee Phone Company was going to hire a team of telephone pole installers, and the boss had to choose between a team of two rednecks and a team of two Irish guys. So the boss met with both teams and said: "Here's what we'll do. Each team will install poles out on the new road for a day. The team that installs the most phone poles gets the job". Both teams headed right out. At end of the shift, Pat and Mike, the Irish guys, came back and the boss asked them how many they had installed. They said that it was tough going, but they'd put in twelve. Forty-five minutes later, Bubba and Duke, the redneck guys came back and they were totally exhausted. The boss asked, "Well, how many poles did you guys install?" Bubba, the team leader wiped his brow and sighed, "Duke and me, we got three in." The boss gasped, "Three? Those two Irish guys put in twelve!" "Yeah," said Bubba, "but you should see how much they left stickin' out of the ground! lmao!!! :oP

Subject: Hehehehe A man driving down the road ran out of gas. Just at that moment, a bee flew in his window. The bee said, "What's the problem?" "I'm out of gas," said the driver. The bee responded; wait here and flew away. Minutes later, an entire swarm of bees arrived at the car and entered the gas tank. After a few minutes, the bees exited the tank and the chief Bee said ;"Try it now." The man turned the ignition key and the car started! "WOW!" the man exclaimed! "What's in my gas tank?" The bee answered, "BP." (Bee Pee? :oP lol)

Two women who had been friends for years, decided to go for a Girls Night Out, and were decidedly over enthusiastic on the martinis. Incredibly drunk and walking home, they needed to use the bathroom. They were very near a cemetery and one of them suggested they pee behind a headstone. The first woman had nothing to dry herself with so she thought she'd take off her panties, use them, then throw them away. Her friend, however, was wearing rather expensive underwear and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on one of the graves. She dried herself with the ribbon. After finishing, they then made off for home. The next day, the first woman's husband phoned the other husband and said, "This girls' night out thing has got to stop right now. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing." said the other husband, "Mine came home with a card stuck to her butt that said, "FROM ALL OF US AT THE FIRE STATION -- WE'LL NEVER FORGET YOU."

~"Calories Burned During Sex"~ Sex is the most practical and funniest way of losing weight Look how many calories you can burn: * TAKING OFF THE CLOTHES With her agreement - 12 cal Without her agreement - 187 cal * TAKING OFF THE BRA With both hands - 8 cal With one hand - 12 cal With one hand being slapped - 37 cal With the mouth - 85 cal * PUTTING ON THE CONDOM With erection - 6 cal Without erection - 315 cal * PRELIMINARIES Trying to find the clitoris - 8 cal Trying to find G spot - 92 cal Without caring at all - 0 cal * WHEN DOING IT Holding her up - 12 cal Just on the floor - 8 cal * POSITIONS Daddy-mummy - 12 cal 69 laying - 8 cal 69 standing up - 112 cal Trolley - 216 cal Italian chandelier - 912 cal * HAVING AN ORGASM Real - 112 cal Fake - 315 cal * POST ORGASM Staying in bed - 8 cal Jumping off the bed - 36 cal Explaining why you jumped off the bed -816 cal * GETTING THE SECOND ERECTION Between 16 and 19 years of age -12 cal From 20 to 29 - 36 cal From 30 to 39 - 108 cal From 40 to 49 - 324 cal From 50 to 59 - 972 cal Over 60 - 2916 cal * PUTTING ON THE CLOTHES Quietly - 32 cal Being in a hurry - 98 cal With her husband opening the door- 218 cal

Defense Attorney: Will you please state your age? Little Old Lady: I am 86 years old. Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own Words, what happened the night of April 1st? Little Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in My swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me. Defense Attorney: Did you know him? Little Old Lady: No, but he sure was friendly. Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down? Little Old Lady: He started to rub my thigh. Defense Attorney: Did you stop him? Little Old Lady: No, I didn't stop him. Defense Attorney: Why not? Little Old Lady: It felt good. Nobody had done That since my Abner died some 30 years ago. Defense Attorney: What happened next? Little Old Lady: He began to rub my breasts. Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then? Little Old Lady: No, I did not stop him. Defense Attorney: Why not? Little Old Lady: His rubbing made me feel all Alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years! Defense Attorney: What happened next? Little Old Lady: Well, by then, I was feeling So "spicy" that I just laid down and told him, "Take me, young man. Take me!" Defense Attorney: Did he take you? Little Old Lady: Hell, no! He just yelled, "April Fool!" And that's when I shot him, the little bastard...