Disciple Jinx's blog: "Creative Work in Progess"

Why are you so unkind to me? What have I done to deserve this treatment from you today? We went our separate ways a long time ago Vowing to never hurt one another again with words spoken in spite All I did was explain why I wouldn’t be there Why I wouldn’t be able to do the one thing you asked of me Doesn’t my happiness count in your eyes anymore? Everyone else is overjoyed for me this week And yet I have heard nothing from you You barely acknowledge my existence But tell everyone I am to blame for the continued silence between us I refuse to believe you are that arrogant or such a pain After all you are my brother and I love you But one thing still remains a boundary between us And it is not my doing this time but yours Until you figure out what went wrong I remain on the sideline Created by SF

I've had this time around I'm done with you The final time has come I swear Never again will I take you back do you hear Your pleading and begging have no effect on me The last time you abused me was the LAST time I believed your lies, the half-truths you told Never wanting to see the horror unfold Finally free I claim my life again Out looking for another I seek the perfect one Will I be able to find what I seek Or will it elude me until my stamina peaks Finally another one to take your place Will it be better for me It becomes a wait and see until the abuse begins again Created by SF * Just as an FYI - I created this today at work as a reflection of my professional life - not my personal life.

Love is supposed to last Kindness and caring are there forever Together we can overcome all that is placed before us But together we are not in this life Friends I have plenty Some who were lovers at one point That one special person I have not Do I continue to try and see how the cards fall Or do I give it all up and resign my social life Oh who am I kidding cause I have no social life I don’t ask for much Someone to share and care with me Someone who can make me live again When all I feel is dead inside Friends try so hard to keep me going Some days it isn’t even worth trying I know better than to ask for divine help It has backfired before and the pain was too much to take Friends I will be with those who ask Just don’t come to close is all I request Being together in friendship is all I need Even though someone could be much more © Created by SF – Do not use or repost without permission please

The ocean calls to me each day with desire Waves crashing down caught in photographs Fish swimming in the deep dark ocean beckon to me Life looks pleasant in the arms of the ocean The salty air surrounds my senses enveloping me The desire to be back in the water compels me to act Not even looking back I swim out to meet the waves Propelling myself like a fish back in its natural habitat I feel free again like it was meant to be My true love the ocean and I reunited once again

When a new friend comes into your life you make room in your heart That small corner that says you are special in my life You never imagine it might one day turn into something else Sometimes it is something more Sometimes it is something less Each new friend brings new experiences and love Another to share another to learn It is a give and take of equals not to be squandered or abused Friends understand when life takes a turn They are there for you just as you are there for them When friends become more than just friends You can't live without them or so it seems Life seems incomplete when they are not there You know you have found a true friend in love The friendship will remain and stand the test of time What is meant to happen will happen one day But your friendship means more to me than I can say In you I have found a spirit like mine Distance doesn't stop the connection from being It only heightens the awareness of what we are missing You are my friend and confidant in life I would be lost without you even only knowing you for a short time That small corner of my heart that I made room for you Has expanded and grown with each small talk While it may never be for us to meet You have my love and friendship always to keep Created by SF for a Canadian friend

No sound breaks the night air The frogs and crickets are quiet The air is heavy with its silence Waiting the world holds to life Will the birth of this child be one that makes a difference Or will it be the path of destruction that the child seeks The morning dew graces the limbs and leaves Reflective and shimmery in the morning light The wail of the child breaks the predawn silence And yet the world still holds it breath Waiting for the moment in time The path the child has chosen to take Will silence come once more to the forest glen Showing the child to have taken a destructive path Better yet will be the day when the forests sing That life continues and begins each spring The air is heavy with the silence and stillness The world waiting on the path we children take created by SF

You walk away feeling left out of my life Yet when I look at you all I see are closed doors Never once did you try to see beyond the wall I built Never once did you attempt to cross the gap building between us You said you loved me and in my heart I believed you The emotional pain is neverending to this day Looking at you I see my past, present and future The child between us means I will never truly be free of you Each comment you make brings back the heartache It tugs at the strings that surround my heart No amount of work or play can ever erase the memories I try to bury them deeper inside only to have them surface when least expected I walked away over twelve years ago from from you And yet each time I see the pain is renewed Is what I feel pity and guilt or are there feelings still there I won't let myself be blindsided by you again The lies, the sneaking, the humiliation was more than I should stand The doors are now closed in my soul and brain but my heart still refuses to close all the way created by SF

Patience Silently waiting in the night and day for you to make a mistake Waiting for the day when revenge is so sweet The patience to stand in the rain and wind is mine It consumes me until the end Sunlight beats on my brow and sweat runs down my face Still patiently I wait until the day when I can act instead of pace The day arrives I am so happy and filled with fear Will I be able to go through with my plan today What will become of me when if it goes array The moment arrives and I make my move Success at last – victory is mine today The patience paid off and the trouble begins Life is fun when one lives life to the fullest Bargaining from day to day with one’s gods Being patient waiting for that perfect moment to strike Calculating and planning to the crucial second when you let it go Hoping and praying your patience pays off Timing and planning all come together to create the perfect plan Created by SF * In a writing mood this past two days :)

Pain Was the pain so bad you couldn’t talk to me about it What happened to you that caused you to take your life in such a way Was it love for something you could not obtain Success seemed wonderful for you Such a sweet and caring life you had I would gladly trade my life for yours to prevent the pain But knowing this you still made that final decision – so inane You will be remembered by one who still cares for you Deep in that darkest part of the heart that holds on to those that have lost Remembering each smile, glance and look Your death caused me pain today whether intended or not But forgiveness and love is all I have for you not trials nor tribulations this day Neither sorrow or sadness crosses my mind The only thought is the pain for you is gone away You were my friend and family and I love you now and forever Created by SF

Suffering Why should one suffer just because family wants to you be here even though you are not Your mind is no longer part of you – it is making that transition between life and death For someone to chain you to life is cruel – would you do that to your dog? Then why do it to your friend or a family member Just because you are not ready to say goodbye doesn’t mean you should hold tight Sometimes life is all about sucking it up and making decisions you aren’t happy with But in the end it is the best for the person in pain It’s not about what you want but what they want Respect their wishes and love them while they are here Remember them when they are gone Remember you chose to end their suffering rather than make it linger Or bind them to your side with greed Don’t make someone suffer or soon it will be you on the other end Put away your childish fears and accept life and death in one breath Love with a passion that is never ending to those around you Live your life but don’t prolong others – don’t make someone suffer for your pleasure Live, love, laugh, and die in the proper time – suffering is not part of the higher plan Created by SF