Camco's blog: "Diesel's Blogs"

I am torn apart by my actions
The lies and the pain
All I can do is pray
The the evil in me is slain

I am torn apart for not speaking up
On the way I feel about you
I have hurt you to much
I want you to be my boo

I know you do not want to hear it
But it's about time the truth comes out
I love you with all my heart
You are what my life's all about

I need to show it more
I need to prove my love
But I was always stubborn
But now I got that shove

I am now working on my ways
Trying to become a little bit better
I can say these words all day
I love you baby, in this little letter

Baby I need you
I need to feel your love
As if I am newly freed
A newly freed dove

This one hits home because it is about my grandpa and there is a really depressing story about mine and hsi last words.

He died because of cancer
A lot of us are sad
We need to remember the good
But all we see is bad

Why do we see this way
A dark and shadowed light
We should not see this way
But darkness has blinded our sight

Forever he shall live
But only in my heart
And I show my grief, that ever lasting pain
Through my poems, my best kind of art

It's amazing how I feel
I still miss him so
I wish I could tell him
But he will never know

My grandpa was my hero
My grandpa was always there
When I was troubled
He was always there to care

Grandpa I miss you
I miss you more and more
Thinking about it does nothing
But makes my soul and heart sore

Grandpa I need you
Grandpa I need your help
Grandpa I am sitting here
All they here is a cry and yelp

My friends ask what's wrong
The pain deep inside
I tell my friends nothing
But my emotions collide

This is to my Grandpa. I miss him so.
Forever he shall live, and I'll never let him go.

I'm misunderstood day in and day out
People make me feel like a lost soul
Some days I just want to go home and cry
Why must I be misunderstood

I'm a simple guy
Who wants a simple life
Nothing is aloud to remain silent
I'm misunderstood

I say one thing
Mean another
I get sad when you look at me
Like I am misunderstood

I want you to know
Exactly how I feel
But i am afraid of the fact
I'll be misunderstood

So please listen close
As I spill my out my heart
And try to understand
So I am misunderstood
NO MORE

All day and all night I think of you
I say I love you, and you say I love you too
Forever I am yours, you are forever mine
You are the angel of my life that I have been hoping for
The girl I dream of every night

I never thought something so perfect could happen to me
Then I met you and everything changed
From the look in your eyes, to the way you talk, I know for a fact
I want to be with you and you alone
Around you I act as I am and nothing more
I am acting as I am in love, only it isn't acting


for every breath I take, I am grateful to be alive
But more grateful if you would be my wife
You mean so much, yet the effort is little
No matter what I do, I try to make you smile
Then again it is my job as your man

All day and all night I think of you
I know I love you but do you love me too
From dusk to dawn and dawn until dusk
You will always be my baby girl, forever and always

There is something about me you don't know
That I should probably tell you
There is something about me you don't know
So listen close

The fact of the matter is
I tend to fall to quickly
The fact of the matter is
I don't know what to do

I wanna love and I mean truly love
But no matter what I do, it always fails on me
Either I hurt them, or they hurt me
It's something I don't want any more now

I want to love her, yet my heart will not let me
She loves me, she is allowed but what shall I do
This makes no sense, I thought we all had free will
In the end I will love, but who will my love be

There is something about me you don't know
I want to love but I really can't
My heart's to weak to let anyone in
The wall is fortified and indestructible

What will it take for me to long, care, and love someone
What will it take for me to be allowed the freedom to choose
My heart wants love, yet it is unable to handle it
Oh what shall I do to fix this

It makes no sense it really doesn't
My heart wants love yet in a way
Cannot accept the emotions of it
And I hate I really do

So you ask why I run
So you ask why I hide
Well, this is why
My hearts is too damn shy

Not stable enough for you
Not stable enough for me
I want to call you my boo
And true love is what I want to see

But, in the end, I guess I fail
The be that night in shining armor
I will have to do, with what I got
Get on a boat and just set sail

So the point is
I want to love you however I can't
My heart won't let me free
But, you will always be in my dreams in in my head

Most of these are from YEARS ago, and I have not gone back to edit some small things. Too busy. Here for people to over all enjoy, and let people know, its fine no matter what type of person you are, it IS ok to express yourself in ways that make you happy. =]

Ok, for those of you who were real enough to get to know me, should be the only ones who really give their unput on this, because they took the time to get to know me...unlike most people I know on here.

OK, now, for those of who you wrote who actually got to know me, will know how I am. I am ther guy that will tell you something no matter how much it may anger you, depress you, or make you cry. I SIMPLY, CLEARLY DONT GIVE A SHIT. What I do care about though is being real with you, no matter what. I am hard on people because thats the way I was never raised. I was always told what I wanted to hear, and in the long run, It hurt. So, my problem is..a friend of mine, does some things, just to...you know what, I am not sure ecatly why. This friedn is an amazing, sweet, beautiful, loving, and caring person. They are always there to talk to you....but, this person degrades themselves with some actions in which are none of your business. I felt the need to express how I felt about it, and this person, after just last night telling me I more or less meant something to them, is now so easy to let me go,and not talk to me.

What do I do? I have done NOTHING but be real with this person, I care about this person, and have given this person probably mroe respect than a lot of people this person knows. WHAT THE HELL DO I DO!? I do not want to give up on this person, but, at the same time, I dont want to fight a one sided war to keep this person around. PLEASE, IF YOU ARE A TRUE FRIEND, YOU WILL RATE THIS, AND GIVE ME SOME HELP. AND IF YOU DONT, AND YOU JUST LOOK AT THIS, JUST DELETE ME AS YOU ARE NTYO A TRUE FRIEND AND I DONT NEED YOU. OK? THANKS.

For those of you not familiar with lounge Staff Positions, here is a overview of each:

DJ:
The DJs of the club are expected to entertain the guests and keep them interested. A fun DJ means mroe fun for everyone else. Being a DJ will require you to monitor requests, and make sure that the guests are happy. Do YOU have what it takes?

Greeter:
As a greeter you are expected to welcome visitors as they enter the club. But, your job does not end there. You are going to be expected to hold a conversation with the guests making them feel comfortable and not ignored.

Promoter:
Pretty self explainitory really. Your job is to promote our lounge all over FUBAR. Your job is to spread good words about the lounge to new comers to the site, as well as friends, and people you dont know. Activley engage in chat when not promoting.

Enforcer:
Keeps the club free of drama, and deisrespectful people. We here at Club Zero have a ZERO TOLERANCE FOR DRAMA. And its due to out Enforcers to make it stay that way.

Bartender:
Club bartenders are very special to the club. Not only do they intereact with the guests. but. also keep them from getting thirsty.

General Manager/Asst. Gen. Man/Head:

OK, now for the managers. The managers/head position of a given job, will attribute in the overall smooth running of the club without focusing in just one area. Being a manager is not easy and the club owner/co-owners/and general/asst gen. manager will confront your if we think you are suitable for one of these positions.


Coding/Graphics:
Being either a coder/graphics staff member means that you will be responsible for not only making the lounge look great, but also keep it running smooth. Not an easy position so, Only members who have experience in coding will be considered.

Below is the application. After choosing the job you wish to have, fill out the application, send it not only to myself, but my General manager(http://fubar.com/user/2299714):

 
YOUR FUBAR Screen NAME:

FIRST NAME or NICK NAME:

YOUR YAHOO (If you do not have it, you WILL need to get it:

POSITION YOOU WISH TO HAVE:

ANY (related) EXPERIENCE:

OTHER LOUNGES HAVE WORKED FOR:

FIRST DAY YOU ARE AVAILABLE TO START WORK:

Your Schedule HOURS AVAILABLE Mon. - Sun.

Monday:
Tuesday:
Wednesday:
Thursday:
Friday:
Saturday:
Sunday:

YOUR TIME ZONE:

SHIFT TIME PREFERRED:

1AM - 5AM
5AM - 9AM
9AM - 1PM
1PM - 5PM
5PM - 9PM
9PM - 1AM