Midgit RIP TEDDY J's blog: "events?"

My friend philly cheese steak and i went to moreno valley to visit our ex girlfriend kris and it was the first time we've all hung out in a long time.it was fucking awesome.i missed you guys so much now and im so glad the tripod is up and running again. love your kinky killing midgit

i went for the first time in 2 months i think. im going to start going on a regular basis because its fucking awesome and i like to dance my goofy little dance... and i guess you could qualify it as a good workout.the music scene in general just takes me away from everything well except when i hear a song i can totally relate too but even then its not bothersome.i didn't even mind going by myself haha but i wasn't by myself for the whole night it was fun though. i even have another new dress to wear next week hehehe. the drive by myself wasn't that bad either.so yeah im going again and again and again. well until the lack of sleep and working all day after dancing the night away catches up to me.or until my feet fall off from blisters or agonizing pain from dancing all night but i think i can get used to that too.the caffeine ride i was on sucked though. it took forever for me to go to sleep and i only slept a few minutes and had some really weird dreams and then i kept waking up cold. IT WAS WIERD

i was driving on the freeway and they played that one song you know its gay and in every movie but it was really kool i had my own little awesome driving moment.

i got invited to my old neighbors baby shower. shes having twins.i don't know if i can go though.i don't know if i can take being around all those happy people.i don't think i can do it.thats so selfish of me isn't it?its been 4 months and 11 days. should i be ready to be around that shit ? i don't know its hard enough being around kids right now. i have mixed feelings about it all. i know it was the best thing because i can hardly take care of myself but i feel really bad about not being able to to protect my self or my kind.i had a really hard time with everything because i was sick the whole time and sick after and jesse kept hurting me. i was sooo scared i couldn't tell my mom or sister or anyone the only person i even told was philly because i asked her to take me to the dr. god that day was hard.i found out on valentines day. i cried sooo hard.i cried for days.i cried so fucking hard, jesse thought i was fucking people in my room because he though my cries were those of passion. they were cries of agony. it just fucking sucked. i just want to feel good again.

My ex Ryan, his gf, roomates and i are all going to Fresh Squeezed for my birthday.i couldnt be more excited to spend my bday dancing the night away with my rave family.they came to get me at the last rave i went to and they all took care of me when my bf (now ex) ditched me.well always have good times and raving. i love you guys so much.

it was sad yesterday when i found out that one of my favorite comedians died. george had done many skits over the years like the dirty words one and he had a shitload to say about god and how it was bs. i know that he will never be forgotten because hes always going to live on through his skits and people memories of him. people are going to keep laughing for years because of him!

25$gift card to the cheesecake factory, $3+change on a target gift card, 5$ pizza hut gift card. a gift basket of shampoo,a gumball machine. and now for the pervy stuff 15 packs of birth control, 47 condoms, a tube of warming sensation lube,a cockring, a vibrating cock ring,and waterproof vibrator and two pairs of benwa balls hahaha you might be a perv if these are some of the things you find when going through your stuff

i havent been able to afford my prescription lately so i have to suffer with my headaches and take pills when i get bad ones but another downside to not having my prescription is that i dream. for some reason when i have my prescription i dont dream very often and when i do they are usually pretty good.when i dont have it my dreams are usually so intense i wake up feeling like i have not really slept.i also get depressed or have nite terrors and on top of that whenever stuff goes wrong in my life the worse it get, and the worse all that shit gets makes me more likely to start yelling and sleepwalking and i fucking hate that shit.ive also found that i have blackouts more often when i dont have it.im working 2 jobs again tho so hopefully ill be able to fill it soon.it sucks because my dreams are tied to my emotions and these past couple weeks it has taken its toll.

i loved dreaming when i was younger but dreaming isnt fun anymore. things seem to real and too intense and i wake up feeling like i havent even really slept. hopefully it will stop soon.i dont know though they say that you try to wor5k things out that you arent willing to work out in real life so maybe its my bodies way of forcing me to deal with shit.the thing is i dont feel any better after the dreams. they just depress me.

well i figure i have too much shit and i love chaos so maybe like the breaking of the plates we shall have a burning of the shit! a new found cleansing of sorts:)yay for me and being pyro!