SickMentalGirl's blog: "FROM THE MIND OF KALE"

No question, No thought, No feeling
Only delusions of reality
Nothing brings her to the edge
But nothing stops her from jumping
Only retaliates from what’s been done
No judgement, No fear, No mercy
only sacrifice the weakness
Nothing show her the truth
Nothing magnifies their superficial lies
Only Haldol will clear her conscious mind.

© 2001

Hate, Love
Anger, Sadness
Obsessive, Possessive
Fear of lonesome
Fearof companionship
Depression, Regression
Suicidal thoughts
Self-mulitator
Nilistic, Pessimistic
Multiple Personalities
Psychotic Episodes
Insecurity, Unknown Authority
© 1998

THIS ONE, not soo much anymore, but yea it was THAT bad.

I have nothing to give to you
No fate
No hope
No life
I have nothing to sell to you
No sex
No identity
No soul
The fact of the matter is
That there is nothing you’d want anyway
No love
No hate
No care
There is nothing you’d take from me anyways
My love
My life
My heart
The fact of the matter is
That there is nothing at all
So would you just go away.

Written 1998.

Wrapped up in all of this
Counting down don’t want to miss
Seems too far, no more sound
This familiar sense is surround

DARK, HOLLOW, SICKNESS ECHO
SWALLOW, GOODNESS, GIVE IT OR LET GO

Disentangle all of this
Take it away, even my kiss
Seems too much, no more pain
Leave me here in my dark domain

DEEP, ATROCIOUS, UNDERLINE
FEROCIOUS, JUST GIVE IT MORE TIME
More than just a mental rhyme

Written 2008

The kicking and screaming and clawing of eyes
To what do I owe, to this wonderful surprise?
You in the mist of your unhappiness
And I, in my prime of carelessness.
You scream and yell some more
As I sit and watch you like before
You push and punch and bite so deep
Knock it off bitch; I’ll put you to sleep
You pull your hair, and twist your nails
Could this Prozac ever fail?
In a room of padded walls
Pillow softness to break your falls
You look so peaceful, quiet and free
I did it again, I am looking at me!

Written 1997.

Today is the day, where I say my goodbyes
I’ve been waiting for this moment for some time now
But never had the courage to actually go through with it.
Today is the day, to leave my kisses on your face
To finish has never been my strongest point
But my accomplishments have been a bit underrated
Today is the day, for me to go
For me to understand the greater things in life
For what that is, I will never know
So I leave you with this;
I have loved as much as I could
I have told the truth as much as I can (remember)
I am as real as anything in this world
Even if I can’t touch every little thing in this life
I know I will be able to in the next.

Written 2005.

Of all the people I’ve touched, showed them what it’s like to feel
Told them the truth about life
And said to them;
The most interesting person, is the one you haven’t met yet
And if I died today, tomorrow or any day
Everyone would still remember me
There would be no one who didn’t learn something from me
And that’s why I have been put on this earth for….
My reason for living
I showed you how to feel
I showed you what it’s really like
I’ve known it all along……this is how it’s supposed to be
In my dreams my life has been perfect.

Written 2005.

I feel strange tonight
its calm chilly and in the distance,
I can hear a train
I am here
back with another kill
let me play with it for awhile
I'm not tired, nor do I want to sleep
here i begin my journey
i'm on the prowl
hunt for a cunt
or the dick of the pick
does it matter
can I have both?
she never listens to me
i like to come out and play
only at night
that I like to bite
will you be my victim?
I will be gentle and it will
only hurt for a little bit
its really not that painful at all
you'll see
you begin to wonder what is real and what is not
you begin to sink into it
only when you let go is when you'll know your there
it can last for a while or a life time
starts with a kiss, lower lips smack
taken a moment to catch our breath
trail down to wonders of amazement
a lick, nibble, suck
how could you have ever lived with out?
has it been everything you ever wanted?
I will walk away as if nothing happened
it was good, I had alot of fun, but I'd rather be at home curled up on the bathroom floor.

I feel paranoid, uneasy and distressed. I feel him watching me.
that same feeling I get when I'm all alone, except he is there.
is he really there?
or is it only in my head.
it happens every once in awhile.
my body goes numb
my ears start ringing.
I hate this place
where he takes me, again and again
I want it to stop, I want him out
I can't escape, I'm bound
I'm am not me anymore,
I'm someone else.
why does this always happen to me?
why wont it end?
doesn't anyone care?
does it even matter anymore?
once there was a time where I was free.
I was me, and not her.
this being, not human.
I don't like this feeling
I'm torn into a million pieces.
The residue is beginning to be unrecognizable.
I don't know what is what anymore
reality and fantasy are almost the same
I can never go back, I can never be.
This girl, she'll never come back,
at least not in a form where people can easily see
she feels invisible, untouchable.
no one can really understand where this place is
only she can, and only they know.
They.
They are the ones.
They scare me
They torture me.
They hurt me
In places where I thought, I would never be.
In places where I thought were safe.
those faces, I will never know.
those faces, will never go.
Go away, get out, and get lost.
I don't want to be here anymore.
I never wanted to be her,
never wanted to be them.
He will always remain in her eyes.
He is the ghost that haunts me in my dreams,
no matter where I am,
he always finds me.
I really can't escape from him.
I try and I try, over and over again.
there is no place where I can go, where he won’t find me.
I'm cold. I'm naked. I'm bleeding.
the next day, will never be a new day
always the same, will always remain.
I can't cry anymore,
it’s made me different.
My eyes glisten in the light,
but never in the dark, don't be sad
don't be mad, don't show sympathy
just listen and understand me.
When I say, what I'm about to say....................

My master

Its begins with a dark tone, your voice, your face

I am your slave, bounded and stuck in this place

Give in to your control; I’m yours, I’m yours

I am your whore; I’m ready, waiting on all fours

You throw me down; you know I like it rough

Pull my hair, it’s that hard enough?

Am I good enough? It’s never enough!

He likes to bite, scratch, and squeeze my breasts

I am your slave, inability to protest

Deeper, deeper you go, faster and faster

I am your whore; you own me, you own me Master!

I always knew it would be like this

No matter how far I go it’s always comes down to this

Just one kiss, you’ll never miss, just one kiss

He leads me to a place I’ve never been before

Such a strange feeling, kneeling, wanting more

He does that thing that he does, grabbing my neck

Wait, still a pulse! We’re good, in check!

You want to know if you’re the best

Dig my nails harder across your chest

Can’t let him know; won’t tell him so

Let it go, leave it alone, I know I know.

I wrote this about 2 weeks ago. hope you all enjoy it!