51193's blog: "funny stuff"

20 Ways To Make HIS Xmas XXXmas! 1. Trim his tree. 2. Lick his luscious candy cane. 3. Be his "ho-ho-ho" for the holidays. 4. Polish his christmas balls. 5. Ride him like a reindeer. 6. Taste his sweet egg-nog. 7. Deck the halls with moans of pleasure. 8. Fa, la, la, latio- la, la, la, la. 9. Spark his menorah with a hot strip tease. 10. Request a stiff stocking stuff-her! 11. Make his Kris Kringle tingle. 12. Gift wrap yourself in sexy lingere. 13. Unwrap his package. 14. Hang mistletoe from any place you want kissed. 15. Rock his jingle bells in the frosty air. 16. Make your Rudolph's hose as red as his nose. 17. Heat him up with a snow job. 18. Give the Christmas carolers a show of your own. 19. Dress up as Santa's nasty little helper. 20. Make sure you're naughty, so it's nice.

A Senior's Advice on Law Enforcement... Pete, 65, of Homestead, Florida, Mississippi, was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. Pete opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked, "Is someone in your house?" and he said "no". Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available. Pete said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again. "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now cause I've just shot them all." Then he hung up. Within five minutes three police cars, an armed response unit, and an ambulance showed up at Pete's residence and caught the burglars red-handed. One of the policemen said to Pete: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!" Pete said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

The earliest known illustration of a man using a condom during sexual intercourse is painted on the wall of a cave in France. It is dated between 12,000 and 15,000 years old. Source:Internet

The word "fuck" is actually an acronym. It dates back to the Good Old Days, when England was severely underpopulated due to the usual combination of fire/war/plague, and the King issued an official order to... well, fuck, to replenish the population. Hence the phrase "Fornicate Under Command of the King" passed into everyday language. Source:Internet

DARN MEDICATION! A woman asks her husband, "Would you like some bacon and eggs? A slice of toast and maybe some grapefruit and coffee for breakfast?" He declines. "Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It's this Vi#gra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite." At lunchtime she again asked if he would like something. "How would you like a bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?" Again he declines. "The Vi#gra," he says, "really trashes my desire for food." Come dinnertime, she once again asks if he wants anything to eat. "Would you like a juicy porterhouse steak and scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken?" And he once again declines. "Naw, still not hungry." "Well," she says, "would you mind letting me up? I'm starving."

Can you find the "C" ??? (Good exercise for the eyes!) OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Once you've found the C.......... Find the 6! 9999999999999999999999999999999999 9999999999999999999999999999999999 9999999999999999999999999999999999 9999999999999999999999999999999999 9999999999999999999999999999999999 9999999999999999999999999999999999 9999699999999999999999999999999999 9999999999999999999999999999999999 9999999999999999999999999999999999 9999999999999999999999999999999999 9999999999999999999999999999999999 9999999999999999999999999999999999 Once you've found the 6... Find the N! (it's hard!!) MMMMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMMNMMMMM MMMMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMMMMMM

The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time television were Fred and Wilma Flintstone. Source:Internet

During the 1920's, it was believed that jazz music caused one to permanently lose his sexual inhibitions. It was often banned in many cities. One private company went as far as to sell the elites "jazz proof" furniture. Source:Internet

http://www.evtv1.com/player.aspx?itemnum=5374

A first grade teacher had twenty five students in her class, and she presented each child in her class the first half of a well known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their nsight may surprise you. While reading these keep in mind that these are first graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is classic! 1. Don't change horses..........................until they stop running. 2. Strike while the........................................bug is close. 3. It's always darkest before.....................Daylight Saving Time. 4. Never underestimate the power of ...... termites. 5. You can lead a horse to water but ......... how? 6. Don't bite the hand that ..................... looks dirty. 7. No news is .......................................... impossible 8. A miss is as good as a ............................. Mr. 9. You can't teach an old dog new ........... math. 10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll ........... stink in the morning. 11. Love all, trust .................................... me. 12. The pen is mightier than the .................. pigs. 13. An idle mind is............................... the best way to relax. 14. Where there's smoke there's ................. pollution. 15. Happy the bride who......................... gets all the presents. 16. A penny saved is ............................... not much. 17. Two's company, three's .................. the Musketeers. 18. Don't put off till tomorrow what ..... you put on to go to bed. 19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and ................ ............................................................... you have to blow your nose. 20. There are none so blind as .................. Stevie Wonder. 21. Children should be seen and not ........... spanked or grounded. 22. If at first you don't succeed .................... get new batteries. 23. You get out of something only what you ........ see in the picture on the box. 24. When the blind lead the blind ............... get out of the way. And the WINNER and last one! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 25. Better late than ................................pregnant.