Golfin babe's blog: "Golf"

GOLF can get so intense. A player who is very much into his game wants full concentration, and any extra movement or any unnecessary sound made by any of his playing partners tends to bother him. That is why, as much as possible, please keep quiet. Never talk while a golfer is making his swing. Don't ask him or the other players questions like--what his score in the previous hole was, or what the yardage is. Do not joke around or make him laugh when he is about to make a swing. It may be funny to you, but to the player, he gets distracted and he loses focus, and he has to do his practice routine again in order to hit a good shot, and that's not funny to him at all. Have some respect for your playing partners. There are a lot of golfers who take the game of golf seriously and there are a lot of those who don't. It's okay to have fun out there, to joke around, laugh and "bad mouth" each other's shots. Golf can get boring too, so it's nice to liven things up a bit, but keep in mind that you have to respect others who DO take the game seriously. I have always reminded my female golfing friends about this. It just doesn't work. The more I say keep quiet, the more they try to distract me. That's the only way they can win against me. One way of avoiding this is to putt first and finish right away so I can then proceed to the next tee mound and tee off right away, before they all arrive. "Players should ensure that any electronic device taken onto the course does not distract other players." Cellular phones must be kept on silent or turned off. Wait for the player to finish his swing before using it. If you really want to bring your mp3 player along, please use a headset. When the player is about to hit he ball, please, don't sing, especially when you're out of tune. It is painful enough to hear someone sing out of tune at a karaoke bar. Just imagine how agonizing and unbearable it is to hear someone sing like that when you're about to swing! When you have made a great shot, or do the opposite, don't scream out loud. It may not bother your playing partners, however, if it is too loud, the other people on the course may be able to hear you and they may get distracted. A message to the golf widows-- at home, when watching a live golf tournament on TV, that rule still applies. Do not make unnecessary sounds, do not turn the vacuum cleaner on, and, do not nag your husband when Tiger Woods is about to putt. Just for kicks, ladies, try to distract your hubby when he is watching a PGA tournament on TV. When Tiger is about to putt, ask your hubby a question. You will notice a mean and distracted look on his face. He might even say "shhh" (...as if Tiger could hear you speak or hear you eat your popcorn!). And he will answer your question ONLY after Tiger has made his putt. Talk about golf fanatics, some of you guys probably even hold a putter and wear your favorite golf cap when you're watching golf on TV. So again, may I remind you, as much as possible, try to follow the rules of etiquette, and be respectful of others.

In TIGER Woods' bag at the PGA Grandslam of Golf, 2006, these were what it contained--Nike SasQuatch Tour 460cc driver, Nike Ignite 3 wood and 5 wood, Nike Blades set of irons. Nike Blade Pitching wedge, Nike Flatback TW Lob wedge, Nike Pro Combo 56 degree wedge, and a Scotty Cameron Newport putter. In Annika Sorenstam's bag at the State Farm Classic Golf Tournament, 2006, these were found inside it--Callaway Big Bertha Fusion Ft driver, Callaway X-tour 3 wood, Callaway Big Bertha 7 wood, Callaway Steelhead X-18 irons, Callaway Forged 48 degree wedge, Callaway Forged 54 degree wedge, Nike Forged 60 degree wedge, and an Odyssey White Hot 2-Ball Blade Putter. A typical male golfer, when asked what's in the bag, he would say, a branded top-of-the-line driver with a huge head, a 3 wood and a 5 wood, a popular and branded set of irons from pitching wedge to 3 iron, a branded sand wedge, a very helpful rescue wood and a top-of-the-line putter. A typical struggling caddy golfer, when asked what's in the bag, he would say, a broken set, meaning, an old driver, an old 5 wood, instead of having 7 irons, he only has less than 7, one simple sand wedge, one old putter--most of which are given to him by his boss, given by the club or donated by other golfers. Usually, his clubs are of assorted brands. A typical female golfer, when asked what's in the bag, she would say--colored balls, plenty of tees, sunblock, evian, candies, powder, baby cologne, hanky, tissue, mirror, brush or comb, lipstick. ????? Maybe she did not understand the question very well. Ha! Typical of a female golfer, giving more priority to the outfit and the way she looks instead of the golf competition Never mind the score, and never mind the poor shots. It is more important to protect the face and the whole body, and not to get too much sun tan. When making a swing, she makes sure that she looks good on her follow through (even though her ball lands just a few yards away). Hey! The important thing is--looking good for the cameras! Forget the trophy. It's more important that the guys stare at ya coz you're a hottie, right girls? For everyone's information, it is a rule to have a maximum of 14 clubs in a golf bag. Typically, there are 3 woods (1,3,5), 9 irons (3, sand wedge), 1 putter. The extra club could be a lob wedge, an approach wedge, a driving iron, 7 wood or a rescue wood. Aside from the clubs, there are other things inside the bag. There is a ball bag with golf balls and tees, an umbrella, a towel, a water bottle, a bag cover for the rain, and maybe a few more items like a ball retriever and a foldable golf seat. Regardless of the brand of clubs you have, and regardless of the price of the clubs you own, I still think it's not the arrow, but the Indian. Some of the famous golfers in the past, and the present, when they started playing, they didn't have the greatest and most expensive golf equipment. They had to make do with what they had. And look at how great they turned out.

I am sure you’ve watched golf tournaments on TV. You listen to the commentators and sometimes you get confused and don’t know what they’re talking about. At a social gathering, you see a bunch of guys, or girls, having fun talking about golf, and you decide to join in, listen to their conversation and tell yourself, ‘what are they talking about—birdie? eagle? yipps? shank?” Then, they laugh about something, and you laugh too, pretending you understood them, but you don’t. In the golfing world, there are several terms that only a golfer can understand. A non-golfer confuses these terms with something else. These are some of the terms: Address - The position a player is in, with the club behind the ball, just prior to his backswing.(to a nongolfer—the place where you live?) Carry - The distance a ball travels after being struck, until it hits the ground. (to a nongolfer--to take hold of something and lift it up?) Chip - A shot, generally close to the green, that is low and then rolls on the green like a putt. (nongolfer—poker chip? potato chip?) Cup - The device in the bottom of the hole which keeps us golfers from getting dirt on our hands when we retrieve the ball. (nongolfer--coffee cup? tea cup?) Dog-Leg - A fairway that has a sharp turn, either left or right, shaping it to the form of a dog’s hind leg. (nongolfer—a real dog’s leg?) Drive - A shot played from the teeing area of a hole.(nongolfer—as in drive a car?) Driver - The longest club in your bag used to generate the most distance. (nongolfer--one who drives a car?) Fried-egg - A ball that has landed in the sand trap and stays in the impression of impact. Looking down on it, the raised sand with the ball in the middle, resembles a "fried egg" (nongolfer--as in sunny side up?) Hooker – A golfer whose ball, after being struck, curves away from right to left. (nongolfer—a lovely individual roaming the streets at night?) Lie - The place and position that your ball has come to rest. (nongolfer—opposite of truth?) Threesome - A group of three players playing golf together in same flight. (nongolfer—hmmm…something sexual comes into my mind.hahaha!) There are, of course, other golf terms that you should know about. Take some time to learn them. So the next time you watch golf on ESPN or the Golf Channel, you will understand and enjoy the game more. And the next time you hang out with a bunch of golfers, you will not look so dumb and ignorant. Golf Joke: A man was looking for a new caddy one day when his friend said "I know a great caddy - he is 90 years old but he has eyes like a hawk." "OK," said the man "Tell him I'm playing again in a week." The week passed and the day of the game arrived. They started playing and the golfer hits a perfect drive and he said to the caddy "Did you see where it went?" The caddy then said "Yes". "OK then, where is it?" The caddy replied "I forgot."

HELLO golfing friends. Before anything else, I would like to make a slight correction in last week's article. It was stated, under my name, that I was a golf widow. I felt like pulling someone's hair--someone from the newspaper who was responsible for that error! I am not a golf widow! In fact, I am not even married and have never been married. BUT, I am thankful though, about the "golf widow" error. It gave me a reason to let everyone know that I am still single…and available. (hahaha!) A golf widow? I don't think I will be one, but, I will probably make someone a golf widower someday. Okay, okay, serious talk now. What is a golfaholic? My definition of a golfaholic is a person who is obsessed with golf, one who is a golf addict, one who is crazy about golf, one who plays golf often, and one who dreams and thinks of golf all the time. Last week, in my column, I asked a question--"You are a golf addict if..." I mentioned that I will publish the answers in my next article, so here they are" You are a golfaholic "if you can't break 100, but you still think you could give Tiger Woods a few good tips." (anonymous) You are a golfaholic "when you name your baby `Tiger,' `Annika,' `Vijay,' `Arnold' or `Michelle.'(anonymous) You are a golfaholic "if you yell FORE in your sleep!" (Randy Morgan) You are a golfaholic "if you use a golf tee instead of a tooth pick." (Patrick pkmurphy219) You are a golfaholic "if you're more passionate with your putter than your wife." (anonymous) You are a golfaholic "when you think the dimples on your Pinnacle are cuter than the dimples on your mate." (Mary marysofairy) You are a golfaholic "when you go to sleep with balls on your mind." (Kirsten J) You are a golfaholic "when you always want to `play a round'." (get it?) (Kirsten J) You are a golfaholic "when your living room is a putting green." (Linda thisgirlluvsgolf) You are a golfaholic "when you can convince your boss that you're leaving work early (wearing golf clothes) to meet with an important client, and get away with it." (Nuts4Putts) You are a golfaholic "if your house is on fire, and you save your golf set first before your wife." (anonymous) You are a golfaholic "if you use a golf bag as a purse?" (Patrick pkmurphy219) You are a golfaholic "if you get to the golf course at 6am when your tee time is at 10am, even though the weather forecast is for all day thunderstorms." (anonymous) You are a golfaholic when "you teach your kids to spell numbers like this - one, two, three, fore." (Patrick pkmurphy219) You are a golfaholic "if your wife is in labor and you offer to drop her off at the hospital on the way to the golf course." (anonymous) You are a golfaholic "when you sleep with your putter." (Mike bbreff) You are a golfaholic "when you yell fore when you drop a fork in the kitchen." (Randy Morgan) You are a golfaholic "if you know there's more to life than golf, but you're not interested in finding out what it is.' (anonymous) Special attention must be given to golfaholics. This is a serious matter. If they are not allowed to play, they will get irritated, agitated, become a nuisance, notice you shop a lot, notice all the wrong little things you do. Let them play so you will be blessed with rewards, like more shopping money. If you haven't asked for it, it's time you demand it!

USGA policy on gambling HELLO golfing friends. It's a boring non-golfing day for me so I decided to open my little book entitled "Rules of Golf" from the Royal and Ancient Golf Club of St. Andrews. You know that book, don't you? You should, it is known as the "golf bible." I've been reading about the USGA policy on gambling. "An amateur golfer is one who plays the game as a non-remunerative and non-profit-making sport. When gambling motives are introduced, problems can arise which threaten the integrity of the game." You all remember the `integrity' of the game, right? Golf is not just for gambling. It should not be a non-profit-making sport. If you keep winning, share your profit or, intentionally lose the next time you play. Do this, and you will retain your amateur status. Hehe! "The distinction between playing for prize money, which violates the Rules of Amateur Status, and gambling, which DOES NOT, is essential to the Rules of Amateur Status." Thank goodness this is specified in the rulebook! Aren't you all happy? Gambling is allowed for amateurs! Make sure this `gambling' of yours does not violate the Rules of Amateur Status. Read on... "The USGA does not object to informal wagering among individual golfers or teams of golfers when the players in general know each other, participation in the wagering is optional and is limited to the players, the sole source of all money won by the players is advanced by the players on themselves or their own teams and the amount of money involved is such that the primary purpose is the playing of the game for enjoyment." Ahhhh. Nice to know. We bet for fun, right? There are a few out there who have made a business out of playing golf. The 'crocs' (sandbaggers) are out there retaining their high handicaps, asking for more strokes, winning money all the time. Cheaters! Bets are usually made to make the game more enjoyable. That is, of course, if you're winning. It's always nice to win money regardless of how much it is provided your opponent pays you. It is definitely not cool if you lose often. It's not losing money that bothers me, it's the teasing that comes with it! I like to win, I play to win. But when playing with girl-buddies, forget it. I am often teased or distracted when I'm about to putt or when I'm about to drive. They're not as serious as me. They are concentrating more on talking about the latest rumors in town rather than the wind direction, the pressure of the putt, the slope of the green--rathen than golf! We can all have a peace of mind now, knowing the USGA does not object to informal wagering. Just make sure your wife does not object as well. Does she even know that you bet when playing golf? "Golf is an easy game... it's just hard to play. You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and the ball goes right. The lowest score wins. And on top of that, the winner buys the drinks." Happy Golfing!

A WIFE comes home to find her bags packed by the front door and her husband sitting on the couch polishing his golf clubs. HUSBAND: "You gave me the choice, either you or golf." Golf can be addicting. It is hard NOT to play golf once you become addicted. This is one of the causes of marital problems. The husband spends a lot of time at the golf course leaving the wife home with nothing to do. If you are a wife who is left alone much of the time while your hubby is playing golf, or, if you are a wife ignored for golf, then you are what we call a 'golf widow.' There are several instances when golf widows get mad at their golfing hubbies. One is, the husband is not around during important functions and family gatherings because of golf. Another one is, coming home late at night because of the awards ceremony, and the drinking that comes after playing. Third, a golf widow just can't get over the fact that her husband can wake up as early as 4am to get ready for a golf tournament, but when asked to get up at 9am for reasons like clean the house, do some gardening or wash the car, the husband can't, reasoning out that he had a long day yesterday, or that his body is aching. But no, not when golf is concerned, all aches suddenly disappear when he decides to play a round of golf, instead of doing chores. I can imagine how a golf widow feels like...if given the chance, she would probably hide her husband's golf set forever, or burn it! There was a funny ad on one of the newspapers ages ago...one which read "FOR SALE: Full set of Callaway golf clubs, one year old. Includes bag, shoes, balls, rain suit, umbrella and a very expensive putter. Price $50.00 CALL 555-5555... If a man answers please hang-up." You golfing husbands out there, although you need your hobbies, and sometimes they don't include the wife and the kids, you must not forget what your priorities are. True, that sometimes you want to have your own space to do things on your own. Still, you must remember, you are someone's husband, and someone's father. Make sure you give your family members the time that they deserve. Have some fun with the family. Take them to the movies, eat out, and stop complaining about how long it takes for them to go shopping or do groceries. Be there for them emotionally and physically. My advice to a golf widow, try playing golf with your husband or just be with him. Get involved and get your kids involved. Let your kids swim at the club's pool, or have a snack at the clubhouse. This way you will see your husband more often. "A guy is standing over his tee shot, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed... His partner says, "What's taking so long?" The first guy says, "My wife is on the clubhouse porch, so I want to make a perfect shot." His partner says, "Forget it...you'll never hit her from here."