Life for me has been painful,a heart ache and lonly as hell. All my life growing up other kids in class or in the same school as I was in would always pick on me for the clothes I had to wear or cuz I was ugly or just because I was the one everyone picked on... You know I have feelings just like each and everyone of you out there today.
I guess more less I am just wasting my time speaking the truth as well as whats on my mind cuz people these days only care about looks, if you have money or things that can make them better than yourself. And I gotta say it, Its not what a person looks like nor what they have in life or what you can get out of them... Its who you are as a person that matters...
Well I have been noticinmany things wrong with this world today. One thing is to many darn people lie and get away with it. I ani't going to say I have never lied before but I did grow out of it. Cuz in the long run if you really think about it either way you still get in trouble but telling the truth even if it hurts you is better than lying and making a fool out yourself.
All my life I try to be a somebody, but its like I not even here. Like I am a wall or even a sidewalk and everyone is walking over me all the time...
You want to talk about feelings... I wish that all those that do talk trash could live my life just for a year. Just to say damn how do keep yourself from killing yourself you know.Just so those can see how my life is. Many of you may have mommy and Daddy to give you everything or is there for you all the time or even there when your down. I don't even have that not once in my life I had a real family that I could be proud of or call my own blood.
After I was born I was always being treated like I was a nobody being locked away in my bedroom everyday with no toys only my dresser, my bed and the 4 walls until I was 6 maybe 7 years old...Wasn't even allowed to have friends. Hell my parents were always fighting, cheating on one another and ect. When my little brother was born when I was three he was the world to everyone but me I was a nobody. It is pretty sad when your mom and your so called dad sits there and tells you that you didn't mean nothing to them and that you were a mistake to them and everyone around you.
I just love how people think life is fun and games until someone gets hurt... I ani't going to lie yes I am hurting inside so bad that I don't want to live anymore. The more I think about things in my life or things that will never happen for me, its like just a big dream that will will never come true.
For those that did leave comments on my page saying I need to grow up...I want you to go and fall in love and start working on a family of your own and your world is perfect alright. Well once you find out you and you lover are having a child of your own, with you being scared that your going to be disappointted by your our blood and flesh or so called family. Yeah thats why I am depressed all the time these days.
Its like this I fell in love with this very beautiful young woman. She was 17 and I was like 20 or 21 its been a while back but everything fell apart in 2005 and its been hard to let go of things that you cared so much for that you would take a bullet to the head for...
Her and i decided to start a family of our own.3 days after my 22 b-day We found out she was pergant. it too me a few weeks to grow a pair and tell my family cuz I was scared on what they had to say... or they wouldn't have anything to do with my child and ect. Well After telling them I lost it and so didn't she. My own blood my so called family sat there in front of us and said thats your problem and that they didn't care cuz they didn't have shit to do with me nor her or the child.
Well the next day she gave up on her and I and booted me to the curb with out a place to live. she wouldn't even talk to me or anything. Well I thought I was doing the right thing at the time and going to my dad's and working out the problems as well as trying to give him a second chance in my life after 17 years. Well I was wrong.
her and I didn't talk for almost 6 months and one day after I got home from work I got a phone call from her... ( yeah I wrote her like 3 to 4 times a week and even sent her 200 to 300 dollars just so I knew her and our child would doing good like a real man should do) Well her and i talked for like an hour alright, She wanted me to come back to town and be with her and our child that we was soon to have.
That was t wrost mistake I ever made in my life I believe. I came back for her and the baby. And I bet you would be surprize on this, but After coming back we got together and a month later I found out she lost my child. Well I was upset but then after I found out how she lost it was what hurt me the most. I found out she was cheating on me with her father-n-law (as in her brothers' Wife's dad).
Well I found out that he beat the crap out of her and made her lose my child. Well the next day after finding out I got hit with a protection order saying that I beaten on her, that I screwed her dog, that I had a drug problem and so much more.... And its sad that I can't even find a job in this town because of it. But my put in this was it was all lies in the protection order and was the good guy and good hurt so bad that that I don't have nothing left in life not even a real family that cares for who I am... Now for those that wanted to say I need to grow would you like to trade me lifes after reading this I bet your saying no way man...Cuz you know when you truly put your mind to something you want and it starts to come true and you lose it you feel lost like yournot even a person like your the last person on earth that anyone wants to do things with...
I guess once a LOSER always a Loser...
