TheGirlWhoWaited AKA Blinky's blog: "holy hell, this cracks me up :P"

25 SIGNS YOU HAVE GROWN UP 1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. 2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. 3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. 4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed. 5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator. 6. You watch the Weather Channel. 7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break-up." 8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14. 9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up." 10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won't turn down the stereo. 11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you. 12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore. 13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up. 14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers. 15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt. 16. You take naps. 17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one. 18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach. 19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms & pregnancy tests. 20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good sh!t." 21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time. 22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again." 23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work. 24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar. 25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking "Oh sh!t what the hell happened?" ..Bonus: 26: You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old ass.

why why why? >Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are >getting weak? > >Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is >not enough? > >Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but >check when you say the paint is wet? > >Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle? > >Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection? > >Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? > >Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a >revolver at him? > >Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? > >Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"? > >If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes? > >Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are >always white? > >Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale? > >Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that >something new to eat will have materialized? > >Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum >cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give >the vacuum one more chance? > >Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try? > >How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures? > >When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping >cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" > >Because it isn't all right, why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid >idiot?" > > >Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off >the table you always manage to knock something else over? > >In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when >we complained about the heat? > >How come you never hear father-in-law jokes? > >And my Favourite ...... > >The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is >suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best >friends -- if they're okay, then it's you

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT: 1 She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED CANADIAN." 2. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE." 3. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY." 4. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION." 5 . She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE." 6. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER." HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT: 1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY." 2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN." 3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS." 4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION." 5. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of "RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION." 6. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "REAR CLEAVAGE