Heartbreaker's blog: "Inside my head"

So yeah I was seeing Jimmy. But I'm not now. I mean he hasnt fully come out and said it yet. But his myspace profile says "now looking 4 the prefect girl". Yeah isn't that fun? Oh well life goes on. Hmm maybe you guys can answer a question for me. If I'm so "amazing and pretty, any guy would be lucky to have me" then why doesnt a guy have me? I mean honestly. Im tired of people telling me all of that and no one has me. I don't believe it any more. I wont believe it until someone actually does something about it. I mean Jimmy told me I was amazing and yet he doesnt want me. How messed up is that? Oh yeah even more messed up he said I love you the same week he asked for time to think about what he wanted. Messed up huh. Im mad at men right now...but at the same time...im down but not out because I know deep down there are good guys out there somewhere.

Well her surgery is over and she is in the hospital recovering. She has about 50 sitches all together maybe more. There are about 30 on the outside of her face and many more on the indside. She is eating some soft foods andis able to talk a bit. The first night she had trouble talking as they went through her mouth for the surgery it's self. The doctor said she got all of the tumor out and that all should be fine with little to no chance of it coming back. She will be staying in the hospital a few days to recover. They are giving her morphine for the pain. She had a skin graph done to fill in some of the skin in her cheek. The skin graph I think is causing her more pain then the actual pain from the cheek. She is in good spirits. I want to thank you all for your thoughts and prayers through all of this. I will be updating more again later.

Jen's surgery is today and we are leaving about 0530-0600. Her surgery is at 1000 but it takes two hours to get to the hospital. I will keep everyone updated through her recovery as well. http://lostcherry.com/lilbit As you can probablly guess I won't be on to much tomorrow.

Well so I just got really depressed. A friend told me he got a gf and they are talking about getting married. Don't get me wrong I'm happy they are thinking about it and all. What made me depressed is everyone I know is getting married. And I don't even have a bf. Sure I'm seeing someone but he isn't my bf. Then this is what one of my exs said to me...who is suppose to be a friend "You stop showing you care. You arn't romantic, you arn't lovable after a while. You're great, and people love you, and you're very pretty, but you just seem like you get bored." He told me that was my problem. The truth is I only stop showing it when I have reason to. I mean everyone tells me Im nice and caring. And Im attractive..but then...why can't I get a bf? Or keep a bf? I just hate being the only single person I know and getting married...well I dont want to be really old when I get married! Sorry its just how I'm feeling today.

Okay so its been a lil while since I wrote in here. I went to Ohio with Jimmy last weekend. It was fun. He was hoping to see my platic spoons(see my pics) but we didn't have any. It took us a little longer to get to Ohio then normal. But I made him pull over because he had worked all day then was trying to make like a 10 hour trip. He finally pulled over and took a nap. Other then that it was good. Uhm my classes are going okay. Yesterday my tacher asked if I liked what we were doing. I said yes then she asked how I was on the computer I said better then all the paper work. I think she wants me to apply for the job. I planned on it if my final goes well. I should probably tell you Im taking classes to be a tax preparer and my class is through Liberty Tax. Anyways the teacher is always making sure I understand what I'm doing, she told me she thinks I have potential. I guess I will wait and see. Babysitting is going good. The lil one sleeps more then anything. And right now Stacy has him so yeah. Jimmy is suppose to be coming this weekend. He hasn't stood me up yet so I highly doubt he will stand me up. I know we plan on going to the movies but we aren't sure which one. He has already seen The Departed so I dont think he wants to see that again. So do any of you have any suggestions? It would help alot. Thanks

So we're driving to Michigan today and as soon as we get there we're going to turn around and come home again. We're taking Larry and Uncle Jim up there. Well I just wanted to let everyone know that way no one worries about me because I haven't been online. Thanks!

Well Jimmy came over last night. Left this morning. We just hung out. We went to Red Robin. Its my favorite resturant, but it was his first time going. I dont think he liked it though. Oh well...can't win them all. Then we went to the park...but we just sat there because the kids would let us swing lol. Anyways thats that. Just wanted to let ya know he didn't stand me up!

Okay So I dyed my hair brown. Its not to bad. And I'll get pictures as soon as I can. I'm not sure if I'm going to see my friend Jimmy this weekend or not. I hope so though. I've been babysitting all week and takin my class. Thats pretty much about it. I might go to michigan for like a day or two. I don't know though. I'll keep ya posted. Thanks.

So I decided to dye my hair back to brown. Actually its going to be darker then my natural hair color. I really love the red but with how fast my hair grows and with my roots I would have to dye my hair like every other week or something...thats too much work and too much money for me. So anyways let me know what you guys all thing. I'll post a picture eventually.

Well I wasn't stood up. I spent the weekend with my friend Jimmy. He drove four hours to spend the weekend with me. We had fun just hung out really. Heres a picture of us. so yeah thats that. lol. Not much to say. Oh yeah dont pay attention to the date on the picture...its wrong!!