Ghost Who Walks DSG's blog: "ironic"

it always the same..you try to make sure that you're not the one...you even ask them if it is..what's their response..no...so to make sure you let them have some space..but sure enough that space just seems to grow..so what do you do....fight to keep them..an all that does is push them away...an then at the end...they're the one to end it...you try an try to stop it but it doesn't matter....so as they go on you're the one who is left in the abyss...trying to figure out what to do next....the pain you feel weights you down..dragging you down further down...you try to fight your way up..but after sometime it dawns on you that after fighting so many times before that now you have nothing left in you to fight with...with this realized you start to allow yourself to sink even further down...you have no clue who you can trust anymore...friends..sometimes family...as you sink you can "hear" yourself scream....but there's no one listening...you know you can't answer it cuz it's you other part screaming for things to go back..but you know that can't happen...not now..things need to be different...in yourself an in them...who knows what fate has in store....the only thing you know is the pain...you feel they don't care or even miss you...some say they would love to be with someone who will treat them right..but when they get to you you over do it cuz you want to make up for all they pain they have gone thru....an now all that you have done has left you in sinking deeper into the darkness just wishing for someone to share you life with...you fear the only thing fate has in store for you is..dieing old and alone in a recliner...so befor you just jump into something....stop an thing about the pain you might cause someone....think back when it had happened to you...do you want to make someone to feel that way......I'm not saying not get into something..just think first....take things slow..one day at a time....please learn from my mistakes...

if you are with someone then you need to read this....if you have lost someone then you all already where i am at. they say that when you are mad an in an argument you say thing that you don't mean...but those words still hurt...before you say something stop an think.....if you love that person as much as you think then you will take this to heart....cuz love can't heal all wounds...there are even some wounds that time can not heal....so if you do say those words there is a chance that you could lose them....then you can spend your nights laying awake...missing them...missing their smile...missing them in your arms...you are the one feeling utterly empty inside....feel your self "die" inside....wanting to hide from the world so it doesn't see you break down...pain can drive some but love of someone is a better fuel....love of family...love of friends...but yes they do help..but the strongest love there is is the love of someone you SHARE a life with...you do not control it....so when you feel anger wield up inside of you when you an they are fighting...stop...walk away....count to 10...cuz i don't enjoy the thought of another soul add to the murder....love is very powerful...it can blind you....it can make you not think straight..an you never think about it till the only thing left is the emotional inertia of the relationship...till it is torn away..nothing will prepare you for that moment..not faith..not religion..nothing.....i now understand those words that were put at the beginning of James O'barr's love letter called "The Crow"...

When handed it they all tell you to protect it,because it is fragile.Looking at it it appears very durable.You feel it should be able to handle more than they let on. You try to hold it tighter an they scream at you to remind you on how delicate it is. So you loosen your grip when they remind you that you need to protect it. So how are you to hold it? To tight of a grip an you crumble it. To light of one an it could blow away. While holding it tho you start to feel the warmth & energy radiate off of it. It makes you want to hold it close so you can be enveloped in it's warm and energetic embrace.Slowly and unconsciously you move it closer to your chest. Your arms start to encompass it. Your arms tighten, all the while you keep reminding yourself to make sure not to crush it. You start to lose yourself in the moment. Nothing else matters but the emotional waves lapping at you. You feel yourself slipping so you start to try to remind yourself what they first told you, with no prevail. You finally allow yourself to be swept away by the emotional storm slowly raging out of control around you. You're thrown around and battered from all directions, all the while you grip it close to protect it from the savage storm. You slip into a false sense of security when you reach the maelstrom when it hits you...you're only half way. You ready yourself for the approaching onslaught. With a firm grip you face it, come what may. But by now it's had a chance to build up momentum and debris. Then it hits you. At first you don't think you can take it. Your grip starts to loosen. Then you remember what you're holding an that is when your strength return. Your grip tightens, you draw it in closer to shield it from the dangers from the storm raging around you. When your body returns to the earth you smile. You're proud of yourself for over coming all odds an protecting it now matter how badly the storm hurt you. As you cast your eyes downwards to glance at it's beauty you see something else. You now stare in shock at the remains of it. A tear starts to fall as a gust of wind comes along an carries away the pieces of it. In your struggle to protect it you ended up destroying it. So i ask you this..... How do you hold a paper lantern??? The Crow wrote October 7, 2006 11:30pm co-wrote by: Donald (Aspers) Standridge

you know what is one of the most funniest things to do is...make someone do the work for you..iok here's the situation...i was friends with this dude..an we were friends..well like bro's..shit went done an we are no longer friends....well i blew up one night...an then for the next 3 days i had to keep telling someone i wasn't going to seek revenge...that i was blowing steam..well on the 2 day serendipity visited me...i hatched a good plan...so knowing i was going to get called again..i waited for it...an when that phone call came again..i said i was just blowing steam...i am not going to do anything.....(this is where my plan took over)..i told them that i knew someone else was going to do something tho..but i wouldn't say then...well now i think i can cuz it will un fold during this the identity of that person or persons...well that person copied an printed out the conversation we had when i blew up..mind you..they didn't include what they said the night befor about the dude i knew.the ideas on how i should get him back..like slashing his tires..when they said that my response was"if i do that that could affect his kids an i won't do that...well they gave the printed out conversation to some people or him cuz they were worried about the kids...i would never do anything to kids....ok..so i get a phone call from a buddy of this dude..he asked me if i said i was going to go after that dude..i told him no..an he said he heard i was going to have someone sneak into his house an take him out(ok i used that as an example but never ment it cuz his kids sleep in the same bed as him..so why would i do that..dee dee dee)or that i was going to slash his tires(ok scroll up if this comment looks familiar)...i told him no..he said or have i talked to his ex an said i was going to gang up on him...i said no(it was a few days after this phone call that his ex called me asking me to tell a worker what i knew..i did cuz i only help family and friends an since he is neither well you get the point..so now i find out he is insinuating i molested his kids(why is it that when people can't think of anything for a come back they automaticaly say"child molester")ok first of all..every time i was around those kids he was right there... sencond..i never knew where his ex lived until ! he pointed at a trailer park an said " yeah she lives in that trailer park" ..ok so i didn't know then...2 he took me to her house...ok i don't own a car or a license so how would i get there..third dhs has the reports an they state that they were in his care when it happened an it was by another person's kid..an he is also insinuates that i fucked his ex..ok i have talked to her about this cuz she called me an told me..ok for a long time i didn't speak to her cuz i didn't like her..she knows this...an she isn't my type..(sorry girl no offense i am a brunette guy..an i know how you feel about me..joking around is cool..ok..now up to this point..this dude got ....1 wrote out of my fater's will (see he was like family) an when my father found out what he said in the net about me(mind you befor he was just viewing this as a fight between him and i) he put him past dis ownment..he is in communicato..he is not to know if?when my father dies...an if he does find out about the funeral he will be escorted out by police or as i quote my father"you can talk to my boys an have them stand at the door..when he shows up they will tell him he isn't wanted here"....well the reason for the fall out between him and i..i told him one night that i had Dreamt about something an he told someone..but made it sound like it had happened...wow amazing what alcohol can do..the person he told was my ex...mind you in the past he has seen the women i was with an tried to get down their pants...(i was told this by my ex's)...damn what are friends for????lol..ok if you haven't figured out who the person is that was going to do something for me is i will tell you...the person who printed out the conversation an gave it to him..see i knew that if i made it sound like someone was going to do something that person would inform my ex bro..anknowing him as well as i do..he took the information to heart..an he muld it around in his head..all the while it grew....an as paranoid as he is...i knew it would grow faster an to large scale..so they are the reason all this had transpired after the original event..so now it's out...the secret i had held...i know some may say that is evil ...but i was taught by the best..the biggest scheming vindicive bitch in waterloo iowa..my mother..well i shall close this.....thru the truth you shall find redemption...well if the person who gave my ex bro the im conversation where i lew up is reading htis..hey get ahold of me...think i am ready to talk