JoeG's blog: "Joe_G speaks! (everyone flee..)"

So it's now official I have registered for the 2007 fall semester.

But Joe, what courses are you taking? I will surely die if you do not tell me!

Well concerned reader, I am taking the following:

Digital Art II

Animation I

English Comp. 102

Applied Media I

Graphic Design I

I can't tell you how excited I am to be starting school again and I'm really really really ( Did I mention really? ) excited to be able to be creative again. I feel like I've involuntarily taken a sabbatical from art and I want to get back to it in the worst way.

Speaking of the worst way, the grandparents ninja attacked us once again. She gave Max ( The dog) a present because he turned 11. This was very nice of them and Max was more than happy to walk around proudly with a severed stuffed cat head with a rope handle on it. I walked them to the car...

GM: (That's short hand for Grand mom not General Motors):
We should buy a Winnebago and park it in your drive way and live there. Wouldn't that be great?

Me: Yeah...that would be....great. ( nervous laughs )

but in my head I'm thinking, FUUUUUUUUCK!!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!!
It would be like having an intruding house guest everyday.  I think Nate Fisher from Six Feet Under can perfectly illustrate this.


Actually I just wanted to put that in there :) I love them to death but I could NOT live under the same roof with them. My family and I would have to change ourselves to the cleever family for them. I am not a fucking cleever. My dad puts it this way, " If I had to live with them I would leave you all. I'd move down south, back to Georgia and that would be it." Well, Have a great day! :D

naughty_ashley: honey do u love to masturbate your dick while i'm fingering my hot wet juice pussy join me in my room you will find out what i mean wanna play.without any charge on ur card.add me ashley.4_hire@hotmail.com ->Me: ashley 4 hire? you must have a contract killing business on the side. yeah sure go ahead and masturbate then *snap* there goes my neck! i'm not falling for your ruse maam.... ->Me: who was your last client? Michael Hutchence?! ( no reply )

So yesterday the Grand parents pulled a ninja attack on us. A ninja attack you ask? This is when they drop by unexpected and uninvited, just like ninjas do! I was making lunch and mom wakes up dad (who was napping) that she saw my grandparents pull in the drive way. He responds by saying, " ohhh fuck..." I walk in the room oblivious that they are here and I see my grand pop walking in front of the window and let out an " ohhh shit..." I know this sounds mean to you that we moan and groan when they show up, but keep in mind when she shows up, it's usually her being negative as hell about... well pretty much everything; who's sick, who's dying, who has died, how she would decorate our house and our yard if it was HER house. Now come on... wouldn't your hair stand up if you had to deal with this on every unexpected little visit? Plus, keep in mind that this is friday and not sunday. Sunday is usually the day they pull this on us, we just never know what time they'll drop in. Usually it's right before we eat dinner or right before we go out. Pretty much the most inconvenient time anyone could stop by. She was pretty normal in the beginning kinda sorta almost cheery, but when my dad and I walked them to their car she turned into grand mother Hyde. My dad showed her what he's been working on in the garage and how he organized it and everything. She responds to it by saying : " Well why put some much effort into THAT? what's the reason for it?!" She says this because dad is still looking for work. She then walks over to my Aunt Peggy's lamp that was sitting on the floor. Wasn't damaged or anything and pretty much the only wrong with it is that it had a little dust on it and didn't have a shade. " Well I see you're not taking care of this, so I'm taking it!" Like a bully in 2nd fucking grade! What the fuck is that?! She then proceeds to put it in her trunk and slams it shut. I help my grand pop into the car. My grand pop asks me if my friend Charlie started school yet. I said he'll be starting in September. Charlie took a year off of school to put himself through college because he didn't want to be a burden to his parents. His grandmother passed away and they got her house but they needed it fixed so they could sell it before the mortgage came up which they can't really afford. So we both volunteered to help them fix up the place for nothing. So, just to be nasty to me, she says "He's starting school? I thought his parents couldn't afford it? Did they come into money all of the sudden?!" I explained to her that he's been working and saved up enough to start again. She says oh. and then drives off. This is one of my best friends who's having a hard time and we gladly volunteered our help. Even if he didn't need it I'd still help because he's one of my best friends and he would do the same for me. It's called principles. She's just pissed because after we finished painting inside her house she added stuff later on and we haven't gotten to it because people like my uncle mike ( who we just installed a floor for) asked us for help before she did. After they left, me and dad looked at each other like what the fuck just happened?? Dad wasn't happy at all about this and said something that cracked me up. " She took the lamp and she caught me off guard. If she tries to take anything out of my house again, I'll put her fucking thumbs in a vice!" So that was our lovely friday. Do you think I'm reacting to this correctly or am I being too harsh on her?

My friend Jackie who I went to highschool with, (she was an underclassman)gave me a call and asked if i wanted to go to the diner with her for some coffee and cigarettes around 11pm. I thought hey, I have $10 in my pocket why the hell not. So we go to this diner called the Double T diner. Now I stay away from the food in that place. 1. the name should pretty much tell you if I eat here, I should probably call an ambulance afterwards. 2. Most of the people I know who go there order the french onion soup. And ONLY the french onion soup. Even the french onion soup is intimidating and it kept threatening my coffee. It just sat there staring at it and told it that didn't know how to read, and I had to console my coffee by holding it and saying, there there... You could tell it was the smoking section because the smoking section had a yellow ceiling and the other side had a white ceiling. There were patches of white but only to fill in gaping holes and other cosmetic damages. Don't be lazy just paint the whole ceiling! You have plenty of time because no one is buying your god damned food! The waitress didn't like me because I only ordered a cup of coffee and gave me the cold shoulder (brr). It's not my fault the word got out about your establishment! We started talking about the high school days and what I did about this and that and what I said or did to this or that person, where they are now, etc, etc. Anyone that I said something to, or put in their place, liked me regardless. And I never understood that until now. Me: I still don't understand why everyone liked me. Jackie: Well you're a likable guy Joe. Me: but....I'm a fucking asshole! Jackie: That's why everyone liked you, they wanted to be like you. Me: Now THERE'S a terrifying thought... Jackie: Because you're the type of person who says what everyone's thinking, but they're too afraid to say it. And you don't take shit from anyone. Me: ohhhhhhh. We also discussed roxborough and how messed up that place was. We both moved out of there which is pretty funny. Not saying it's as brag worthy as saying "I survived cancer" or anything ( stop shaking your head) but to the people who actually make it out of there it's quite special. I also came up with the theory that the reason why roxborough is so messed up is because there was probably a nuclear power plant there long ago. It had a meltdown and the radiation seeped into the drinking water someone how, and that's why everyone is so fucked up ( I was going to go with a more polished word but I couldn't think of any that would describe it as best). That's why most of the girls there have huge overbites , and the bridge's of their noses are substantially bigger than most. Also, Their hair is so far pulled back where it looks like 2 inches of hair and about 5 feet of forehead. It's also the only place where you will see a 15 year old mother pulling her kid along in a wagon and the kid will be sitting on top of 2 beer cases. I'd take photos of all of this, but I'm afraid of startling them with the flash of the camera and making them run into moving vehicles. Going back to the diner: Jackie also had a lovely encounter with a woman in the restroom who gave her some concrete advice: " Girl, whatever you do, NEVER get a bladder infection." It was a very educational process and I hope I have enlightened you all. If you have a diner story or have discovered something about yourself while being in a diner, send it my way. *edit* Someone should make a bulletin about how awesome I am! See! Told ya I'm an asshole :P

SO my grand mom called dad on a cellphone ( she must've just gotten one) about STELLAAAAAAAAAAAA coming over tomorrow and dad flat out said no. His back hurts, mom's not feeling good. She said they'd only be over for a couple of minutes ( converted to grandmother time = 180 minutes.). He still said no. Apparently my grandmother wasn't happy about this. Me: (with a big smile) Soooo Stella isn't coming over? Dad: I told her no (then he tells me pretty much what I told you above) Plus I don't feel like entertaining for someone that I don't even- Me: Like? Mom: It's her friend, just because she comes down for 2 weeks doesn't mean YOU have to entertain her. Me: Besides, I fucking hate her! Mom: I don't even know her, I haven't even met her! Me: You don't want to. Dad: No, you really don't Me: She's a bitch. Dad: yeah she's a miserable old bitch. So that's that, the vote is unanimous. Us: 1. STELLAAAA: 0. *edit* Forni! :P *edit* hehehe

So my grandmother's friend Stella is staying over her house. This is bad. Why do you ask? 1. I fucking hate her 2. She's my grandmother's negativity towards life and everything in the middle multiplied by the thousands 3. She's ultra conservative, she might as well be goose stepping in a tan uniform. At my aunt's funeral ( the first time I met the woman.) I had to sit in a car with her for hours as she provoked the "This world is going to hell in a hand basket" conversation with the grand parents chiming in. If you want to share this experience with me, put your head in a vice and tighten it every minute of the hour. I never saw her smile. Not once. When I was little my grand mom made me write thank you letters every time she would send me a useless piece of shit. My grand mom would proof read these and then I'd have to write it all over. Pretty sad when you're 10 years old trying to think of ways to break your own hand. She constantly sends my grandmother these conservative articles and catholic newsletters about this person said this, this person supports this politician (that they don't like), and basically any moral value that any celebrity has failed to uphold. Then my family and I are subjected to it in rant form via in person or over the phone for 3 hours. I guess I should be thankful they don't have computers and it takes at least 2-3 days for these to reach her. If they had computers the efficiency of these rants would be devastating. Stella moved out of Pennsylvania several months ago. My grandmother didn't even have to tell me, I knew because I saw a beautiful rainbow that day. She moved into the home of a doctor and his wife in Virginia. She decided to pay a visit to my grandparents which triggered the immediate attention of me and my dad's home improvement skills to paint and fix everything for her grand appearance. The reason for the visit wasn't to see them, the reason is because the good doctor's wife was going away and she didn't want to be alone with a man.... go back and read that again and let that stick in your brain for a sec. Ok, she's old enough to have dated Adam and he's old enough to have dated Eve. I don't think he's gonna make a move anytime soon. Hmmm, do I risk losing my marriage or do I have a 2 minute thrill ride with the most miserable virgin on earth. Tough one. And get this, she's making my grand mom drive all the way to New Jersey to see her niece. Can you say, sponge? Mooch? Today dad dropped of a painting that my grandmother wanted reframed. He said I'll be right back, you don't have to come because I know how much you hate her ( I love my dad). Then my grandmother pulls him aside and says, " you know, Stella met Joey but she hasn't met Katelynn yet. Wouldn't that be so nice?" So now we're going to be expecting a visit from her in the near future. It's almost like the cliffhanger of a sci fi film where everyone thought the alien was dead then after the credits roll his hand twitches and you're like, " God dammit! Not again!!" Me and Kate were thinking of ways to offend her. Kate suggested wearing a fake nose ring and having me draw a tattoo on her and she would sit with her legs spread open. I thought of drawing a face tattoo like Mike Tyson and stumbling upstairs with a bottle of vodka in my hand. Dad suggested smacking her on the ass and saying hey bitch! and giving her a wink. Will we do these things? Will Stella ever her groove back? We'll just have to wait and see friends. We more than likely won't be doing such things but I sleep better at night dreaming of them. *Oh and forni wanted her name randomly placed on the blog. Fornicates <- it's off centered how random is that! :D

This was a bulletin on my myspace written by a girl I used to go to elementary school with. Let's say just she didn't really grow up... or learn how to type correctly. ----------------- Bulletin Message ----------------- From: Jus Chillen Date: Jul 4, 2007 10:56 AM member be careful there will be cops out like crazy so be careful if u drink and drive ..hoe you have a blest day ----------------------------------------------------- This is a prime example of why I moved out of my old neighborhood. After an hour of staring at my screen and blinking repeatedly, I replied with the most obvious answer I could think of. "How about, don't drink and drive to begin with??" I don't expect much of a reply back, but hey I do my part for the benefit of mankind. This is why I posted it on my blog for you all to point and laugh at or scratch your heads. Happy 4th! - Joe_G

Well I think the title pretty much dictates the description here but it would really make my day if people made me some quality salutes for my bday :D I will love you forever! pweassssssse!