HarleyRider70's blog: "Joke Nite"

A Mexican in Houston has his car stolen. He doesn't report it for 7 days. When he finally goes to the police station to report, the officer in charge says that since the loss occurred over 7 days ago the vehicle is probably over the border and stripped for parts. The Mexican was heard to mutter as he left the station . . . . . . " Damn Canadians".

An old man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice: Picnic tables, horseshoe courts, a volleyball court, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond and look it over, as he hadn't been there in a while. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man frowned,"I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator." Old men can still think fast.

Two businessmen were taking a break while setting up their soon-to- open store's shelving units. There they sat, in the middle of nothing but empty shelves. One said, "I bet any minute now some smart aleck will stick his head in the door and ask what we're selling." Within minutes, a man did just that, "Hey, boys. Whacha sellin'?" One businessmen responded sarcastically, "We're selling a$$holes." Without missing a beat, he rejoined, "Looks like business is good; ya only got two left!"

After they finished making love, the cowboy told her about his days on the range. "It's the only life for me. In fact, I'd be happy to die with my boots on." Suddenly a car pulled into the driveway. She said, "Well, you'd better put 'em on now, Slick. That's my husband, the Sheriff!"

A soldier and a sailor finished in the restroom, but the sailor started to leave without washing his hands. The soldier said, "Hey, sailor! In the Army, they taught us to wash our hands after pi$sing!" The sailor replied, "That's nice, soldier. In the Navy, they taught us not to pi$s on our hands!"

A man entered the restroom after lunch, washed his hands, and then headed to the urinal. A co-worked was also at the sink. He asked, "You wash your hands before you pee?" The first man replied, "I had KFC for lunch. I don't want my wife to tell me I taste like chicken!"

What do a rattlesnake and a limp penis have in common? Not much, but you don't want to screw with either of them!

A baby polar bear asked, "Mom, am I a polar bear?" "Yes, darling, you're a polar bear." "Are you a polar bear?" "Yes, darling, I am a polar bear." "Is Father?" "Yes, Father is a polar bear." "Is Aunt Anna a polar bear?" "Yes, darling, Aunt Anna is a polar bear. Why do you ask?" "Oh, nothing." The baby polar bear asked his father, "Dad, am I a polar bear?" "Yes, son." "Are you a polar bear?" "Yes, son." "Is Mom a polar bear?" "Yes, son." "Is Aunt Anna a polar bear?" "Yes, son. Why do you ask? What's the problem?" The baby polar bear replied, "I'm freezing my a$s off!"