Master Jim's blog: "Jokes nd Politics, same difference"

Every Sunday, a little old lady placed $1,000 in the collection plate. It went on for weeks until the priest, overcome with curiosity, approached her. "My dear, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he stated. "Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money, and what I don't need I give to the church." "That's wonderful, how much does he send you?", the priest asked. "He sends me $2,000 a week," she replied proudly. "Your son is very successful, said the priest. "What does he do for a living? "He is a veterinarian," she answered. "That is a very honorable profession," the priest assured her. "Where does he practice?" "Well," she replied, "he has one cat house in Kansas City and another in New Orleans.

I may lose friend over this, but ya know what? I don't care, my true friends are the ones who will be left. I am not going to help anyone level up, win contests or repost bulletins anymore. If I take the time to do it for you, and you don't return the favor, well, you're not as good a friend as you let on to be. lets see how many people even repost this bulletin so it gets around....prob none. you want to show you're someone who can be a true friend......devote as much time to me as I devote to you

Today is the 9th anniversary of my father passing away. No, Not looking for sympathy or condolances, in fact we didn't even get along all that well. But nevertheless, today IS the day he passed on at age 88 1/2 and Tomorrow is the first day I spent in my current home, the retirement home he left me in his estate. A lot has happened in the last 9 yrs, My mom passed on the next march, I injured my knee which still hasn't healed, I went back to school, I spent 3 yrs working with union pacific railroad, and I got to travel all over the USA and meet a few peeps. I am back in school, and hope to move out of here asap. peace out

Please comment bomb, rate, and please repost this everyone thanks Jim

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. "Human beings are the only animals that stutter", she says. A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered", she volunteered. The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident. "Well", she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the rottweiler who lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!" "That must've been scary", said the teacher. "It sure was", said the little girl. "My kitty went 'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff'... and before he could say "Fuck off," the rottweiler ate him!"

If We Had Sex....GAME. don't be scared. you never know who really wants to do you! 1. Would you be in control? 2. Would you let me pull your hair? 3. Would you whisper in my ear? 4. Would you talk dirty to me? 5. Would you kiss me with a little tongue or a lot of tongue? 6. Would you say my name? 7. Would you go down on me? 8. Would you let me give you a hickie? 9. How many rounds would we go? 10. What would you wanna do afterwards? 11. Would you take off all your clothes then take mine off slowly? 12. Would you lick and bite me all over? 13. Would you like to play or get straight to the point? 14. Would you want me to take my time? 15. How freaky are you, 1 - 10? 16. Would you want me to go fast or slow? 17. Where would you wanna "do it"? 18. Would you be loud or quiet? 19. Would you mind if i liked you? 20. Would you do it today? 21. Would you do it tomorrow? 22. Would you call me in the morning? 23. Are you going to re-post these so I can answer them for you? Repost as "If we had sex... dont be shy".......see who responds

Well, we THOUGHT we were out of heating oil for the past 3 weeks, but it turns out we had 60 gallons, I had rapped on the tank and it sounded empty. So we got a full tank now, but still no heat till about 11 tomorrow when the heater repair guy who was already scheduled to show up anyway comes to check our whole system and rebuild the firing chamber. By the time he leaves we're guarenteed to have heat. It's been getting down to 8-9 degrees at night and we still have snow on the ground. My roommate got money back today, since the tank only took 45 gallons, and she'd prepaid for 100, she got $140 back and went christmas shopping. So now we have christmas lights up around my two new front windows and she bought a fake tree and ornaments. The tree came with it's own lights. So now it kinda looks like christmas around here. Today christmas lights, tomorrow, HEAT. And today I found out that within a week or two I will have $4000 AND I also got notified that the class action suit I am in won 1.5 million. The BARE BONES MINIMUM I can get is $600, but NOT all drivers joined the suit, so the fewer who join, the higher the share of the 1.5 mil.

A guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He immediately turns to her and makes his move. "You know," he says, "I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk." The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the guy, "What would you like to discuss?" "Oh, I don't know," says the guy, smiling; "How about nuclear power?" "OK," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff -- grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?" The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea." "So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"

Upon arriving in Greece, a couple decided not to see the country the traditional touristy way but to hire a guide from one of the small villages. After finding a guide, the guide took them on a boat ride showing them the sights of Greece. After a while, they past a grove of fig trees. After the tourists commented on the beauty of the trees, the guide says, "See all those trees? I planted every one of those trees. I nurtured every one of those trees. But do they call me Zorba the tree-planter? No." The couple looked a little confused at his outrage but kept quiet. After about 15 minutes, they past a nice village on the bank of the river. The tourists comment on the beauty of the village. Again, the guide goes off. "See all those houses? I built every one of those houses. With these two hands alone, I built those houses. But do they call me Zorba the house-builder? NO." The couple again looked confused and worried about the guide's outrage. They didn't want to annoy him again. After about 30 minutes,they pass a small fleet of fishing boats. The husband comments on the boats. "You see all those boats? I built those boats. With these two hands, I built every boat and not a one has sunk. But do they call meZorba the boat-builder? NO!!" The tourists stay quiet until they see something which the guide could not have built. "Look at those lovely donkeys", says the wife. The guide looks at them and says, "Oh, but you screw one donkey..."