prettypincushion or Dani Dreadful's blog: "Life"

In the arms of night I lay alone and wait for you. The one to protect me from the cold and the shadows on the wall. To hold me close to whisper in my ear to drown out the screams that the darkness. The kiss that brings the sweet sleep. I wait for you. Where are you?

I am so confused by everything in my life right now everything seems to be going so well and I am rather happy. But there is still something inside me that makes me feel like there is a storm brewing. The past four months have been a complete rollercoaster and I've wanted to stop the ride and prayed that it was over and now that things are on an easier ride there is something inside me that seems to be on another ride. I can feel that something is getting ready to happen and I'm scared that it will end me back on the scary rollercoaster that I cannot make stop a storm that will be worse than the last. I'm not sure what's going on with me I want to laugh and be happy and try to be a better person than I have been in the past but there is something inside me that tells me things aren't going to get better and this happiness won't last long and I'm not sure what I can or will do. When will all this confusion die down so I can finally live and not worry abot the next bad thing that is going to happen? I know life is full of ups and downs and goods and bads but the bads take me to a place so dark and deep that I can barely pull myslef out of. I know lifes not perfect nor will ever be I'd just like a little more happiness and less confusion and darkness.

I can be the one you want the one you need and love I hear this all the time. But I find out that it is nothing but nonsense. I don't wanna lose faith in love. But it seems like the guys I hear this from are the one that hurt me the worse. Is there a Mr right out there for me or should I settle for Mr. Wrong? I don't wanna settle but I'm the only one outta my friends that isn't in a serious relationship. I think I deserve betterr than what I keep getting so it seems like maybe I don't deserve anything but the guys I get. Sometimes I'm fine being free and independent and having the freedom to do what I want when I want but other times I feel I need that someone to hold me and tell me that everything will be fine. I just got out of a nasty 4 yr relationship but I haven't been able to move to far past him because I'm terrified that the next guy will be like him. I don't even know anything but him anymore. I've tried to move on but as soon as I get close to someone i get scared that I will end up up like I was with him. Everyone keeps telling me to get back in the game but it's so hard to do that after wour heart has been wounded so badly. I keep thinking I need more time to recover but I'm scared that if I wait to long I'll end up completely alone.