Thank a soldier's blog: "life"

Well i finished my first week at my new job..love its so far..like the people..the work..not really loving the commute but it works. In all of this i have really been learning alot about myself. Which of course is never a bad thing.. I have learned i am alot smarter then i thought i was (that is with numbers) i have never been an english major lol My old job didnt pay me for the last week i worked and none of my vacation time so i went to the union...guess its a fight between them now..problem is im going on vacation next week..have no bills paid and no money..but oh well i will spend alot of time at the beach lol.. im very nervous about leaving the kids for a week..granted they are 17 and 15 but i have never been on vacation without them. Really i have never been away from them at all since they were born and the 3 of us have been nowhere since the seperation and divorce..thats been about 4 yrs..oh well i need to let go alittle i guess. oh another front i also have been learning about people in general. i had a good friend (well i thought it was a good friend) tell me i have a "why me" attitude and i like drama..two things im so against its not funny..funny people really think they know u but when the chips fall..they dont have a freaking clue. but if u all think i have that attitude also then maybe its true..so im back in my whatever..no trust..cut me a break..dont feed me bullshit and prove everything.. i hate to be that way..but right now..everyone on here is way to far away to prove anything thing to me..i hate the i care for u. the next minute they are feeding someone else the same shit..and im not only talking about on here..yes i really do have a life lmao :) ok thats all the excitement for today..have a great one! im outta here

interesting i wake up everyday to this thing called life..and i have no idea where or when its going to change.. everyone says u can change ur life but im believing now that in most cases yes and in some u just cant.. I changed my job which will be starting on monday. im very excited about it but i have also found that in the middle of the good..the bad just keeps coming back. again i get this morning and something told me to call out of work..im on my last week and have a ton of days left to take..so i can at this point..i call my mom which many of u know and if u follow my blog..i have had major problems with this yr. anyway no answer..so i figure i better drive over there. Get there and she is just about in a coma well its seems.i take her blood sugar and its 23..I call 911 and start pumping OJ, yogurt anything i can find into her. needless to say..another day in the hopital all day and she is still there and they dont know what they are going to do at this point. She has mental illness also... which we have known for a while and she has started that all over again also.. i just dont know how much one family can take. i see its killing my dad and my brother and most of all me..(my dad and my brother both work at at the house and it took me coming from 10 miles away to figure out she was in trouble) anyway im just worn out..tired...beyond what to do anymore. i just keep saying anymore over and over..i have taken care of my kids and still do..take care of my mom and still do and i wonder if im going to die taking care of myself. I just want to run away from everything right now and get lost..never to see NJ or anyone here again! god this is not my normal blog..oh well im out! laters

Well lets see i quit my job on monday..its been interesting since..i had a meeting on tuesday with a bunch of high ups..its funny noone knows what i really do but u know its cool and all ok..they have it under control..makes me laugh..for example..they are hiring someone to take my place with the title i have been fighting for for ahhh over a year..oh and the title has a range in salary something i never had either...but in government u have to advertise for 2 weeks before u can hire..well im gone on halloween..and noone knows my job. The job i created and well i guess its their problem now.. unless they want to hire me as a consult..then maybe i will think about coming back..but they will pay believe me. Mom's out of the hospital and doing ok..i guess..its very by day with her..she is my mom's body but not my mom at all..u wouldnt understand unless u were living it and hope none of u have to live it ever! well thats all for now..just thinking i have a ton more i can write and i just dont feel like it! oh well.. later

ive been spending time at the hospital and havent been around much at all..my mom had a stroke and thank god she is on the way to recovery..She is like a timex..takes a licking and keep on ticking. She is still alittle confused and being watch but other then that shes good and out of the woods.. If u pay attention u know i went for a job interview the other and and today i was offered the job. its a 10000 a yr increase.. something i can really use in my life.. Its local government to local government so i take my time in and all my vacation time with me and my pension :) see me smiling about that one :)..so im taking tomorrow and spending time with my mom. Monday i will go in and break the news..should be interesting. i found this week also interesting on the friend front. I have friends i have mended fences with coming back in and friends i thought that were good leaving.. I welcome all friends back into my life if they were important to begin with and the ones that leave oh well.. u will never find someone more caring or a better friend then me... This week on here seems to bring out the real idiots... i think i have truly seen it all now..i havent been on here much but the idiots win..im beginning to think i will be ignoring my shoutbox! oh well im out...

i have been on fubar..when it was lost cherry and cherry tap i will admit this is my 2nd account but i didnt leave cuz of someone on here i left cuz i was dating someone in real life..granted that was a mistake and im not afraid to admit mistakes.. I am trying to understand this owned or married thing that happens on here.. how does someone own u from 300 or 3000 miles away and y would u want someone owning u? Funny the married thing which is very high school to me but that doesnt bother me as much as the "owned thing" I was married a long time to a man that thought he owned me..that really isnt a nice relationship..take it first hand from real life.. took me along time to get out of it but i swore noone would ever own me again.. I am very ok with who i am and what i think and feeling and really dont care if u all like me or get pissy with me cuz i say this..but is owning someone a buying thing..if they own me they buy me bling and rate my pics and oh heavens to besty they buy u a VIP?? woofreakinghoo! I do have a lovely friend that bought me a VIP..he rocks but geez he has no need to own me and i have no need to own him..i love it when hes here to play and when he not he not mad at me for not rating him..cuz hes a lovely friend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! btw thanks Bob..u so know u rock..i dont need to own u for u to know that :) anyway..i know u r all going to be mad at this blog..well really not cuz noone reads these but..Be mad if u do cuz its just how i am and what i think.. oh and love online hehehehehe..go live with them...that is the true test of love!! laters

with the weekend behind me im doing alot better today...it was really nice to see all my cousins..under bad terms but it worked..I will always miss my Nana..a woman of class and someone u can always be proud of and brag about..funny most of the time grandparents do the bragging about you but my grandmother was someone that always went above and beyond to be a class act!! wonderful role model for me and for my daughter. I have an interview on thursday for another town more money..something positive at least lol.. This morning was a winner my son somehow twisted the handle for the water in the shower right out of the wall.and i had the pleasure of taking a cold shower woohoo that was freaking awesome and when i got out of the shower its was 45 degrees in my house! so now tonight i have to figure out how to be a plumber..should be a blast..guess i do miss a man for 2 things lmao :) well im going to finish my day at work..when i have more time i will really vent some feelings..just still in some avoiding life stage..stay busy my motto..but i have now got a cold..god i hate being sick.. tonight i might play plumber and crash for the night...im out laters!

yeah everything! how come i always end up being the strong one! i just want to pull my hair out today! Im going to vent here and thank god most people dont read this! y is it expected that i pick up the pieces and plan everything and do everything and y the hell do i allow it! i just pray oneday i see some major happiness and hope when im old and dying..someone will have a heart like mine and take care of me! well i have to go put today and tomorrow behind me... 1 down..2 2 go! i love the line that god will not give u more then u can handle.. Ha! yep! so im told! Thank god for humor! if u know me..i mean know me! u know just what im talking about! outta here

the weekend was ok...god i did so much it flew by.. friday i went to the local high school football game ..we lost as always but its always nice to get out and talk to everyone...saturday i went to a bridal shower for a girl at work..it was long but good...it was all the girls at work and it turned into a wine fest but was a great time..then off to the stock car races for me woohoo..i had not been in a month and it was a blast from the past..after i went to the local bar for Tequila time. well really corona time..but it was a blast also..met up with the other from work..got up the next morning to baseball with a hangover..woohoo what a wonderful morning that was! then i get the phone call that my uncle isnt doing well and i need to get to the hospital which i did..and hes not well at all..hes keeping a good outlook but im really not sure whats going on with him..anyway the big one today i go to work and figure..im going to make full circle now and end up in the dept i started in..so im applying for a new job in a new town..wish me luck! anyway im off to school..as i should be negative right now in my life..i just refuse to let any of this crap get me down..im so sick of a bad outlook so my new out outlook is if it make ya laugh its worth it! so with that im out! laters!!!!!

Just for the record i have been divorced a year...So to Celebrate..im cleaning my house big time without being graded and im going to party tonight till i puke! :) ok maybe not puke..but close! Cya all and i want to thank Bob for the VIP you so freaking Rock! Mwah!