stargazer1219's blog: "Love & Relationships"

Sex plays an important role in relationships, no doubt about that. I accept what people say, that sex is not what’s MOST important, that love and friendship in a relationship is what actually matters but I would say that on the other hand sex is what actually makes the difference; what makes us talk about two people being a couple and not just two buddies who care deeply about each other. Imagine that you are with a man/woman that you love, you care about him/her, you want him/her to be next to you but there is no desire, it’s nice to talk with him/her, hug him/her but he/she doesn’t really attract you anymore. What happens next? And I’m not talking about when you are 80, but when you are 25, 30, 40, 50, and for as long as you can be sexually active for that matter…? You just pretend and try to do the do, you start looking around for someone else to excite you all over again, you just forget sex and you think of all the other good things that you share with that person? And if this is the case, is it fair for the other who probably still desires you? Rejection is not a good feeling, is it? When the woman you love comes up with a silly excuse each time you touch her or when the man you love is looking at you and you see no desire in his eyes while you put your sexy face on and try to seduce him, that mustn’t feel good, right? I’m not sure if this is something you can work on as to keep the flame alive! What I do know though is that there are couples who are together for years and they do want, not just love, but they want each other more and more. It’s probably a matter of chemistry? In any case, sex is what completes the relationship; it’s what makes the bond between two people stronger. I don’t really believe those who say that “sex is not THAT important”. I feel that they simply try to cover their non existent sex life and that in the mean time they dive into their hidden, unspoken fantasies…They just pretend…And how difficult and sad that must be… Maybe it’s a matter of choices and perhaps the passion comes with a price sometimes, if not always. On the other hand, don’t you also pay a price when you have to pretend?

No matter how strong you think you are, no matter how good things in general may be, there comes a time that you feel tired and you try to realize why…You think and think and in the meanwhile you continue with your life the way it is, when suddenly, you find the answer… You realize that you are tired of wandering; tired of doing the same mistakes over and over again; tired of facing the same situations…You are tired of trying to understand the others, of trying to satisfy their needs, of trying to find excuses… There comes a time that all you really need is to let yourself in someone’s hands and be sure that they’ll be strong enough to hold you; you want to look straight at their eyes and see no sign of fear; you want them for once to try to understand you instead! It’s not a matter of weakness, it’s not a silly need, it’s a matter of courage; it’s a bet you made with the world to find someone stronger than you are… Will you ever win this bet?

I always hear people around me complaining and talking about how relationships have become difficult. In my opinion, it’s true that we all have to work on our relationships in order to keep them but the real problem is that we have learned to ask for the impossible. There will always be someone better to meet, you turn the corner and there are millions of other men and women that we could sleep or get excited with. But when you find a person that has managed to touch your soul, that you can share your fears and dreams with, that’s a miracle and we shouldn’t let that easily go. My parents have been the perfect example to me; they are together for at least 25 years and believe me they are still in love! No, they don’t just simply love and care about each other, they are IN love! That’s what I call happiness and luck…sharing your life with a person that has managed to keep you interested and satisfied in all levels after so many years; a person that never thought they should just relax and take everything for granted; a person that will be always there for you, even when you are not being the easiest person of the world to deal with, when you just need to burst out and they have the will and the guts to stay around!

What happens when the only person that ever managed to touch your soul is the only person you know you’ll never be able to have in your life? What do you do? You know you are strong and you hate drama; you usually tell people to be realistic and you even become cynic sometimes, but what can you say to yourself now? You have never touched that person but every single feeling was so intense…It’s not your ego nor the desire for what you can’t get that make you feel that way, you know that now; you hear your thoughts and you close your eyes as if you’re going to make them disappear that way…You know the truth, you feel silly but you knew all that from the start…It’s too late to blame yourself, you actually feel lucky that you had the chance to meet that person after all cause there were times that this person helped you look deep inside you and find things about you that you were hiding for a long time…That scares you even more…Well actually it doesn’t really scare you any more, it just makes goodbye more difficult…Yes, you thought about it and no matter how much you tried to convince yourself to see it as it is and try to get from all that what you can have, you realize that you can’t act like that…Cause you never were like that…It was always black or white for you…Either you had it all or you had nothing. Is it the right attitude? You don’t know…You don’t even care…That’s how you are…You don’t like to fool yourself with small portions…You want to go straight to the source. And since that can’t be done, you say goodbye. It hurts…Your eyes get heavy and some tears run down to your cheeks, but you know that’s the right thing to do before it gets worse. You don’t know what does your goodbye make the other really feel, deep inside you, you believe that he doesn’t feel as sad as you do but it doesn’t really matter anymore. Well, does it? Since you let that person get close to you and then you realized how attached you were to him and decided to say goodbye why should it matter if he also felt all that about you or not? Think about it…It could just make it easier for you. He was playing, you bought it, that’s how it usually works, so forget about it and look around you. No, not to try to find someone that you can communicate the same way as you could with him…Just look around and smile and keep that person that you so much loved in your heart…Say hello to the “real” world and be sure that even if he didn’t really mean all of the things he told you, he probably meant some of them, there were probably some times that you were to him as special as he was to you…You can’t blame him either…If he was real, that makes him even more special. If he was playing, he could probably never believe that his words meant so much to you…That he was talking straight to your heart…That you want to hold him tight and never let him go cause you still feel that you need him…

There are times in a person’s life that nothing seems to work…Your personal life doesn’t probably give you any joy, so you say “I’ll focus on my work/studies”, thinking that it will be a creative and productive way to escape from all the negativity that you face. So, you take a big breath and start working like a maniac, finding the motivation you need little by little, until one day something happens and bang (!) you feel like someone cut your wings. You start looking for the director to tell him that this chapter of your life’s script actually sucks and that there’s no possible way for you to make it and finish the scene. The director of course, stays silent and gives you that look that says “you came here to play, so shut up and keep going.” You look in front of you, and you see the abyss, your own personal abyss that would probably not look like an abyss at some other point of your life, but now it does…So, you feel that the only solution you have is to look behind you in order to find the support you need at the moment. Actually, it’s the first time in your life that you ask for someone’s help. No matter what the problem was before, you always found the strength to solve it on your own. But now you feel weak…and you think that you actually have the right to feel that way and ask for support. In this strange labyrinth you found yourself in, you hope that thread will be handed to you by the very same person that put you in there. Is this naivety or despair? It’s probably your inability to realize that the one you hope that will save you is the one who has been killing you little by little… The truth often hurts but the shock will help you to wake up and find the exit. It will make you realize that you are the one who allowed that person to have power on you, otherwise he would have never managed to find the way; that no matter how many things you lived together and how many memories you have, how many words and feelings and moments you shared together, you have to decide whether you want to keep living according to how things in the (even recent) past were or according to what the present reveals; that excuses are to be told to those who desperately want to hear them. There is this little thing that’s called ego that you have forgotten what it means. Well, you know what? It’s ok…because it’s not what you need. Your ego will simply make you deny your own feelings and this is not the question here. What matters is for you to accept the truth. Give yourself the time you need and wait till you hear that ‘clic’. It’s a magical one. Believe me. Once you hear it, it means that this chapter is over and another one is about to begin; that you are able again to view things the way they really are, that you slowly walk out of that daze you were in for all this time. If your heart’s broken, there is no one else that can heal it and take the pain away but you. You are the only one to decide when it’s over. Don’t you ever forget that.

You know what I want…? …I want to raise my eyes and see you walking through the smoke… …see those brown eyes looking straight at me from the other side of this huge room… …sending hot arrows to my body and setting it on fire… …I want to feel it burning… …and I, unable to move, I’ll be sitting there waiting till you get closer… …to feel your hand touching mine… …I’ll be waiting for your move… …to gently guide me to you… …and make me follow your steps, the movement of your body… …right there, in front of everyone… …shhh… …don’t talk…I don’t care…all I want is to feel this moment… ..kiss me… …and make me realize how much I’ve missed you… …once again… …don’t let me forget how much I loved this dance… …cos otherwise the memories will fade away… …and you’ll become a shadow… …yes…I know how much you’d hate that… …so here’s your chance…...will you take it...? …I see you hesitate... …and yes...maybe I'm just messing with your mind… ...but this is a game... …and you taught me the rules... ...long time ago... ...don’t tell me that you’re afraid to play… ...are you, love...?

Though I want to see your face, and ache for the touch of you Being satisfied but not complete With words that are sweet; They flow, they glide, they fade away. Yet they linger to spur me on To heights of emotions; awakenings; stirrings. . . GAWD... I am missing you!

I see him standing in the rain His eyes shining with emotions untold The storm comes in torrents Pelting his rugged skin He does not move But to spread his arms Welcoming my soaked form in his An embrace so warm it It makes the rain chase away any lost hope. Yes, there’s sumthin in the rain… That brings me back again

“I’m lonely,” Minna admitted. “So am I.” He didn’t look at her, but looked away, beyond the trees, down the path to the valley. “I didn’t like living with the children’s father, but I’m still lonely for a man. Crazy, isn’t it?” Her words were thoughtful, musing. She let her sewing drop to her lap, stilling her hands. Instead of following his gaze, Minna looked the other way, down to the sparkling lake that fed the crops and watered the livestock. They were both quiet for several minutes. “Do you know what I miss?” Minna’s voice had a dreamy quality to it. Unnoticed by her, Ben had leaned back into the grass and was watching the clouds and they took on the colors of late afternoon. He turned his face toward her now, seeing that her chin was in her hand, her eyes glazed in her daydream. Startled by how young she looked with wisps of hair escaping her braided coil, he could only stare. In this light, her hair looked like flaming silk of scarlet, gold, even platinum. Her face, normally creased with worry and sorrow, was unlined. The angle of the sun softened her colors and melted them into swirling hues that echoed the sunset. He longed to paint her. “I miss kissing.” Minna continued, and seemed to be only peripherally aware of Ben’s presence and completely oblivious to his attention. “I miss really, really kissing. I miss those deep, enthusiastic, passionate kisses that only new lovers kiss. I miss touching. I miss the feel of fingertips brushing against my skin. I miss kisses that take my breath away and a light touch that makes me shiver with anticipation. I miss him taking my face in his hands, looking deep into my eyes, tangling his fingers in my hair...” Her voice drifted into silence. Ben drank in the shading, the shapes, the colors. If he never saw her like this again, if she never opened her soul this way again, he had to remember it. He had to keep this moment in his heart and his mind. He willed her to continue. “I miss romance,” she said softly. “I miss that feeling of being desired by someone.” Ben let out a breath, long, steady and low. “I want passion all the time,” she continued. “I'm greedy for it. What's so sad is that it only happens at the beginning of a relationship. Every relationship I've ever seen gets to the point where the passion fades, and there's nothing there but habit, routine.” Belying his assumption that she didn’t remember he was there, she suddenly turned to him. “I want the kind of passion that happens when he comes home and I'm standing at the stove, and he comes up behind me, gently moves my hair aside and kisses me on the neck. I want to lean back against him and close my eyes and savor the feeling of being loved and wanted.” Her breath came fast. “I want the passion that happens when I touch his shoulder as I walk past, and he reaches for me and pulls me into his lap. I want the kind of passion that happens when he says he’s going for a shower and he pulls me in with him, then we bathe each other slowly and carefully, with serious attention to every inch of skin. I want the kind of passion that happens when he wakes me in the night just because he wants to touch me, and wants me to touch him.” Ben’s eyes widened. His lips parted. “I want passion that stays,” Minna said fiercely. “I want passion that is just as physical as it is emotional. I want to desire, and I want to be desired. I want to feel my skin become electric under his touch, to yield to his touch, to open my heart and my soul and my body to him, to give him every drop of what I have to give. I want to trace the outline of his body and feel it respond to me. I want to watch him sleep next to me. I want to wake up because he is watching me sleep. I want to be in his heart, and I want to give him mine. I want to drink his essence and know that he drinks mine, too. I want to be his passion, and I want him to be mine.”

He looked at me and there was emptiness in his eyes It was plain to see And he turned and said Once I loved but love was dead And I whispered Some times love is only sleeping. He said I can not love nor feel, And his voice was hard and cold, And his sweet young face was old. And I whispered Sometimes love is only sleeping He looked at me And his smiling face was warm, sweet and free And the moonlight kissed our eyes As it mingled with the skies And he whispered Some times love is only sleeping.