350913's blog: "Mos Stef's Stuff"

I was just invited to one, I had no idea they existed outside of shitty sitcoms "for women"! Should I go? I like the girls that are going to be there, but I don't know if I can deal with a Mary Kay-type waving a dildo in my face. That may be a fantasy for some, but it's not really mine. Opinions?

Here are some apparently TOP SECRET driving tips to help you along your everyday route!

* Use Your Turn Signal! Now here's the trick- not JUST when you're turning, but also changing lanes! This is much better than sloooowly floating into the lane next to you, and just cutting me- er, the other drivers- off!

* Can't Multitask? An Idiot? Hang Up The Phone! If you just can't seem to stay in one lane or be safe whatsoever when you're talking on your cell phone while driving- hang up! Please make your calls before or after you turn the ignition, or at the very least keep calls short and factual! Gossiping in your SUV through the entire highway system is just not essential!

* Live In Suburbia? You Don't Need A Hummer! Ya doucebag!

* Driving Through A Residential or School Area? Slow the Fuck Down! Ya fuckin' douchebag!

I hope someone found these tips helpful, and if you enjoyed them please comment and maybe I'll add more to my educational series :) Thank you, and good luck motorists!

I like people thinking I'm funny, and there's not much I love more than making people laugh. The more I know and talk to you, the more I can usually make you laugh. Right now I've been encouraged to try out for Second City, and I'm working on stuff I can bring. I'm so insecure but I'd rather crash and burn then to have never tried at all. I took drama in school and LOVED improv, so I think that's a plus. Anyway, I've been exposed to comedy all my life thanks to my weird parents, and starting from the age 3 going chronologically, here's the hilarious heroes that influenced me. Keep your cursor over the picture for the name.

There's LOTS more, but those are the main ones that jump out at me for now.

1. What is your full name? Stephanie Crawford. Yeah, To Kill A Mockingbird, I know. 2. When is your Birthday? 10-2-83 3. How tall are you? 5'3" 4. Do you smoke? No 5. How many sexual partners have you had? 6. If you can't answer, is it really that many? It's really that few 7. Can you cook? Yes 8. What was your dream growing up? To be Wonder Woman, or barring that, her sidekick. I also wanted to marry Elliot from E.T. 9. What talent do you wish you had? I wish I could create music 10. Favorite place? The woods, with a slight chill wind 11. G-strings or thongs? Neither 12. What was the last book you read? The Million Dollar Mermaid by Esther Williams 13. What zodiac sign are you? Libra 14. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Nope, just scars 15. Worst Habit? Sometimes I suck my thumb in my sleep : 16. Do we know each other outside of CherryTap? Who? 17. What is your favorite sport? Hockey 18. Pessimist or Optimist attitude? Optimist, save for occasionally I get pretty dark. 19. You're stuck in an elevator with me. There's a condom, a gun, and a deck of cards. What happens? I hold the gun on you until I find out who "you" are. Then we probably play rummy. 20. Worst thing to ever happen to you? I guess directly to me it's getting sick and being in pain all the time. Outside it was losing Lydia. 21. Tell me one weird fact about you: When I'm nervous I quack like a duck, which I've been told is "unbearably adorable" 22. Do have any pets? My 2 cats who I loooove so much 23. What is the stupidest hip hop word you've heard? Swiggity sweet 24. What time is it where u are now? 12:15 25. What is your favorite position? President of the world. What did you mean? 26. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be? I'd look like Rita Hayworth in "Gilda". 27. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience? Conscience 28. What color eyes do you have? Blue or grey, depending on weather/how I'm feeling 29. Ever been arrested? No, John Waters would be so dissapointed :( 30. What is your favorite drink? Blackberry Sage iced tea, mmmm. 31. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it? It'd be personal. Nothing fun, except I may splurge for the John Waters box set. 32. What kind of bubble gum do you prefer to chew? Orbit 33. What's your favorite place to hang at? Record City 34. Do you believe in ghosts? Yes 35. Favorite thing to do in your spare time? Watch a classic movie 36. Do you swear a lot? No, but it happens. Mainly when driving. 37. Biggest pet peeve? People that talk (or use their cell phones, holy hell!!!) in movie theaters. I'll see you all in hell! From heaven. :) 38. In one word, how would you describe yourself? Complex 39. Do you believe in God? Yes, but I don't believe in churches. 40. Whats your goal in life? Accomplish something by helping the world in some way, and marry Keanu Reeves. 41. Favorite band? Neko Case, David Bowie (sorry, they're neck in neck!) 42. What city do you live in? Vegas 43. What is your favorite TV show? Futurama 44. What do you think/feel about me? Who are you??? 45. Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you? Yes? 46. What is your phone number? And can I call you sometime? 1-800-Charter... we can help.

"hey stef thanks for the 10,i wish more like a 7,lol,j/k,but your a 100 really pretty and sexy all at once,love the eyes,hair,eyebrows,the whole package,i'm just happy a pretty 23 yr old thinks i'm a 10,u made my day,hope too be friends,bye stef byee........."

... headaches are bloody awful! I have a near migraine right behind my right eye, like throbbing... I'm afraid it'll explode like in a Lucio Fulci movie. Nice image, you're welcome!

I keep squinting the eye, I kinda look like Popeye.

I took Matt their on his birthday yesterday, as we've both been meaning to check it out.

You're seeing human bodies right in front of your face (no glass for the bodies, just the organs) I could still see pores on noses and backs, it was incredible. There's a special, all black room where nervous systems and veins were given glowing color and it could have been an art exhibit. Organs sliced sideways like meat so you could see everything... it may sound bad but it was just fascinating. Knowing that that was an actual person really gives the whole thing reverence. Tell that to the fucking soccer mom that just ushered her son to the displays that held the answers to his homework, as she read off what he was to write down word to word, not actually learning or appreciating anything. This is why scores are down and kids can't read anymore... parents just care about grades, not actual information. Anyway, sorry for that tangent.

There was a room just for babies, fetuses. They had ones who were see through, where you could see their veins, brain, heart. They also had defects, cojoined twins and one where their organs develop on the outside.

I loved it and I'm glad I got the experience. I learned so much about my body I had no idea about and now I want to take even better care of it. If you get the chance, you should definitely see it.

I saw one in the afternoon, the other at midnight. That's a boatful of plot to take in all in one day folks, and I don't recommend it. I enjoyed both, but both had waaaay too many plot strings knotting into themselves and ending up nowhere. Oh, and I don't care who just walked into the bar. Seriously.

Some dude I haven't talked to in a while just messaged me out of the blue and told me he had a dream with me in it. Apparently I had red hair, and me and a girl were being kidnapped by Stuntman Mike from Deathproof, and he was trying to rescue us on foot. That was a cool movie, but eh... creepy.

I have a stomach flu, and it's so unpleasant. It's nice to have time to watch Twin Peaks on DVD in bed, but I actually like my job (and money!) so it's frustrating as well. If any of you out there have a helper monkey you can loan out, I'd appreciate it.

This is actually about GRUDGES.

It's understandable to get angry at a friend if they make a stupid comment. I just don't understand holding a grudge about it, even after they sincerly apologize. I don't get why you'd let a minor thing mess up something and just refuse to forgive someone. It is so hard to find people in this world that genuinely want to get to know you, and make you happy- why would you throw that away without even caring?

I used to hold grudges to a stupid degree when I was younger, but then I realized how lonely it made me and how many fantastic people it pushed away. Being upset is natural, but holding something against someone apologetic is cruel. Anyone who has no forgiveness or empathy doesn't deserve to have serious relationships, since that's a huge part of it. Not taking into account the fact that HUMAN BEINGS MAKE MISTAKES and AREN'T PERFECT (guess what- you aren't perfect either!) cements a person into keeping superficial relationships and never feeling that incredible happiness of being open and understanding of someone that loves you. Life is just too short.

Just my personal opinion though!

when the wind rustles through the trees
i think of your rough fingertips skimming my skin

I went to the doctor, I said doctor please
What do you do when your true love leaves?
He said the hardest thing in the world to do
Is to find somebody that believes in you

when i feel the warm sand between my toes
i just close my eyes and feel your whiskers on my cheek

I went to the whippoorwill, I said whippoorwill please
What do you do when your true love leaves?
He said the only trick I have up my sleeve
Is to sing over and over until he comes back to me

Very few things feel real to me, just heavy and resistant
just to get through the day takes so much persistance
the eyes of strangers are so cold, but not as much when it's your hand I hold

my childhood moments were so happy, mainly
now unless i hold tight, all time does is betray me
the ground cracks, and even leaves grow bitter
good people always seem to die
i think if it was discovered, only bad people could turn back time.

Any comments are appreciated (since I never really share my writing) even if it's "gee steph, I see why you keep this to yourself!"

lyric excerpts from "sad, sad song" by the amazing m. ward, but mainly by cat power's amazing cover of it in "speaking to trees"