amawitch's blog: "My Book cc/2007"

Marissa knew if she had a chance in hell or heaven of being reborn, she had to figure out where Death was. Being a soul, her options were limited. She could enter the outskirts of Heaven, and she could enter the outside of Hell, but she could mostly stay right where she was, in between. First she decided to try Satan again, since he was the one that wanted her in the first place. How does a soul travel, she thought. Like that old commercial about drugs, "just do it", came to her. So she willed herself to Hell. And there she was, approaching the Gates, a demon stepping out in front of her. " Who are you? Is Satan here? I need to speak to him about something." " and I'm cliff, drop in some time," the demon roared at what on earth was a very old joke. "Seriously, what do you want here? Satan is very busy, sending souls through purgatory and then shipping them back out to Himself for rebirth." " I'm lost", the woman said. " Death never came to get me, and I cant go anywhere. Satan came to me earlier and even told me I was supposed to come to him, but I had to wait for this death angel. Well, he never showed, so now I need help." "Suicide huh? We get a lot of those lately. what in that world is happening down there that can be so bad." " The usual, sir demon. Rape, robbery, politicians, lawlessness, sin everywhere. You just cant take a breathe without comitting some kind of no no." "Well I cant help you, you poor lost soul, your just going to have to wait for Death to decide your ready and he will have to bring you along. Until then my hands are tied." " Where do you suggest I look? I mean I cant go to Himself. He's furious with me right now that I misused my freewill to ruin this life he gave me. He definitly is not going to talk with me. So where do I go?" "Let me look at my schedule here, and see where Death is supposed to be next. I cant tell you exactly where he is, but I think Satan wouldnt mind if I told you approximately where he could be." The demon consulted his book, a huge tomb, fire guilded, seeming to weigh as much as the world itself. With many "uhms', and "ahs", he finally looked up. He is supposed to be in a living room at noon earth time and if hes not there then his next stop was a hospital room. An old soul has been passed, was the body of a child, so sad you know. And then a junkie who overdosed. That one is anyones call, she could come or not, he might be waiting for her to make up her mind. Best I can do lady. Good luck." With that he closed the huge book, winked out himself after snapping his fingers for effect. Leaving her outside the gates alone, the young soul, even more confused decided a break was needed. "Maybe a glimpse of the Pearly gates would put me in good spirits," she thought.

Stupid, stupid stupid. She had done it again, but this time it might be a permanant thing, no coming back. She loved the high she got when the drugs first hit her system. But this time she may have over done it. Feeling foolish, ashe struggled for some clarity, and found herself looking directly into the face of Death. she knew it was Death because of his cowl and sickle. And of course the fact that he was the ugliest thing she had ever see. "Hi there death. I guess that maybe you think you might be here for me. Well dont bother, I aint going. I been worse then this, and Im not ready. So go on your merry or unmerry way and find someone else to bug. This gal isnt ready yet." She struggled to curl herelf into an even tighter ball then she already was, and closed her eyes. This must be what heaven was like, she thought. All dreamy and floaty like this. She felt no pain, no nothing. Just dreamy and content. Why couldnt life be like this all the time? So much nicer when you didnt have to face all those ugly little life problems, like, money, rent, food, and such. Even the noise now was pleasant, kind of a calming buzz, she thought, this must be what white noice was, that nothing that people talked about hearing. Lifting her head she noticed death was still hovering nearby. Man, what a jerk, she thought. I already told him to get lost, I aint ready. Taking a breath that burned like fire, she turned to face him again. "Why are you still here? Get lost, I said. I aint going with you. Its not my time. What do you think, that every person just waits to see you, and then is willing to leap into your arms so you can take them on that boat of yours, through some wet sticky fog, while you stand over them making them feel all worried or something? Not me, boyo, I aint ready, hear me? Not me no way." Death continued to just look at the woman, wondering when she would finally just give it up. Her soul was strong, not wanting to go to hell, where it urely had been before given another chance. But this soul had blown it again, and knew it. It was not going to go easy. "What is it with you huh? Cant you just leave me alone. Go on to someone else who wants to go with you. You got nothing better to do then just stare at me. You never seen a woman before that stood up to you? That is isnt it? You aint never had any huh? You poor thing. the love of a good woman is worth more that trip to hell or heaven, I tell you. Just let me tell you, I know. I got the power to make men crawl on their knees to me, just begging for it, ya know? I guess you dont." Death wondered if this woman would ever just shut up and get on with it. Silently he continued to look down at her. she was almost in a featile position. Wouldnt be long now. he was a busy personna, having little or no time to really get to know the souls when they were still "people"> he tuned her drival back in, wondering wht she could possibly still be talking about. "And another thing, cant you wear something with more color, give you some class. i mean black is so dreary. A red cowl, now that would be something. Whats with the sickle ting, you dont do anything with it do you? Just carry it around for party affects?" The woman was feeling alot better, maybe this wasnt her time. She sat up and looked Death in the face. "Not this time, I told ya. I been through this before, not this bad maybe, but close. I aint ready to go." Curling her arms around her knewws, she patted the floor beside her. " Have a sit down, you must be tired by now. Want to talk or something. I bet you almost never get to talk to anyone. Can you? Talk? I mean, your all skeleton and stuff, but you got a mouth do you have a voice in there somewhere?" Death continued to be amazed. This woman was talking to him, him, like he was well, human or something. Didnt she know that she was dying, that she had no choice when he came. the rules were always the same, he was called, they died, confued, lookd to him to take them where they need to go. What was wrong here? for that matter, what was wrong with him that he continued to listen to this woman and her silly conversation. He reached out his hand to her beckoning her with his eyes. The eyes always did it. It was the only thing that Himself gave Death to persuade these souls to come with him when he was called. The woman was looking directly into his eyes. but she wasnt reaching out for him, she didnt look confused, she didnt look lost, or even scared. She looked furious now. "Whats it take you bage of bones? I am not coming with you, and thats final. I feel fine, really, and you have no power over the living. In fact you dont have much power at all. so either sit down and visit, or get lost. In fact why dont you ask God or whoever it is you work for, that you want a vacation or something. you probably could use it after all thse ears. I could show you somethings, boy could I. Live a little." At this little pun on words the woman shook with self imposed glee. " Ha, live alittle, get it?" Death knew he wasnt supposed to talk to the living, only the souls of the passing, but this woman for some stange reason invoked in him a desire to break the rules. He wondered what Himself would do to him when he found out, for He always found out. damn it, He knew everything. but then if He knew everything, He also knew how unhappy Death was, and that he was looking for a better job. At that moment he sensed another angel arriving. turning he saw Satan. " Death just do it,talk to her. Whats He gonna do to you, that could be worse then what you already have to deal with?" "Wow Your like way handsome, arent you? Are you really Satan? where are your horns and that forked tail? Arent you supposed to be all red and stuff?" Both Death and Satan turned to look at the woman in wonderment. Was she scared of nothing? The two of them turned their backs on the woman, who had by now, regained the power to stand on her feet, although it was not altogether certain that she would remain on them. The woman started to join in on this private twosome conversaton, so Satan reached out and put his hand up.This should ahve stopped the woman, but to the amazment of both angels, she continued to push her way up to Satan. In his face she scrutinized him carefully. Uncomfortable, Satan looked down and mumbled, " Death your on your own with this one.." And winked out. " How did he do that? I wish I could do that. what a neat trick that would be. I could just get whatever I wanted, and disappear. You angels got made, I tell ya. Never hungry, or hurting, or needing to pee or anyting. I wish sometimes I could be like that." she still waited for Death to say something. Big blue eyes, shot through with vein reddened road maps by drugs, impored him, nay begged him to please say something. He knew his resistance was crumbling. Death need to make a decision fast. Was he willing to risk the wrath of Himself and his troop of Angels to satisfy some morbid just realized curiousity? Caution to the wind, he reached out once more, to satisfy his job discription. Stunned he not only saw but felt this womans arms around his neck. Stiff with the ages of eternity upon his body he felt himself giving in. Hesitantly he raised his boney arm, and encicled her, delight showing on his face.. This was a hug! Amazing, he thought to himself. " Why would anyone want to leave such a wonderful feeling behind for the emptiness of my embrace." What wonderful things did these humans experience? And with a final nod of his cowled head, he spoke. "I want a new job." Death informed the woman.

Having dropped off this latest soul, Death decided to take a detour. "Pearly gates, sure thing," he mumbled as he reached the gates of His fortress. " No pearls of any kind here, just a blockade for His favorites and those that he allows to have some fun." At the entrance of the huge doors, there stood one of the beautiful ones. One of His own personal helpers. He could not help but compare his visage with the other. Where he was allowed a cowl, and ugly body, scarey even, this favorite was all white, wings half the length of his body, flowing hair and handsome, so very handsome. It just wasnt fair. And he had a name of all things, a name! "What is it this time, Death? Did you forget your sickle, need a new blade? Ah, I know, you want to wear a different color black, is that it?" Peter loved ribbing Death. Such a somber personna, no humor at all. Death was determined this time to enter the gates of heaven and have a much wanted meeting with Himself. "Peter, out of my way! You have to allow me to speak to Himself. It is a matter of.... well.... life and Death, you might say." "Himself does not see anyone except with an appointment. According to my record book, you dont have an appointment, so sorry Death. Would you like to schedule one now?" "This is crazy Peter. Everyone who is anyone meets with Himself, I should be able to do the same." Death was frustrated that Peter would not allow him the same importance he allowed others. It seemed there was a monoply and only the very best of the very best got in, ever! "Well you know how it goes Death. You are not everyone, or even anyone. You are Death, why would Himself take a chance to see you. You must understand that even Himself has to protect his heavenly home." In anger Death raised his sickle, intending only to scare Peter, but the wise old angel just looked blandly at Death, challenging him with a smoldering look that dared Death to even try something so foolish. Peter reached and put his arm around Death's shoulder. "Whats wrong old friend?" Death shrugged off his arm and pushed Peter away. He wanted none of this angels mercy or pity. He just wanted to see Himself. " Cut it out Peter. Just get me in there, or I will find another way to get to Himself. Its imperative that I talk to Himself, himself." " Are you threatening me Death? Do you dare to presume youhave any say here. My JOB is to keep trouble out of heaven, and by the will of Himself, and Herself, I will do that job. Now move along, and just do what He created you to do." With that Peter turned his back on Death certain the issue was over. Death fuming, his already scarey skeletal scowl turning even more visious. With the flesh of Heaven surrounding him, he faced Peter one more time. taking a deep breath, he began once again. "Peter, would you please make an appointment with Himself or Herself so that I may present my case to the courts of Justice.?" Deaths voice and smile was saccrine sweet. "Of course Death, let me check here." Opening the book of forever, he made a great show of pausing to read here and there, humming to himself until finally he look up. " Here we go, Himself has an opening in about a month or so, after he takes care of Gabrial and Michael. Some sort of issue involving the right to enter Heaven again, or some such thing. How bout it? Good for you?"Peter miled as nicely as he could, looking benign and handsome as was his wrought to do. "I will be there. Dont forget to write me down Peter, or I wll find another way in here. Nothing is impossible. Just ask Himself, He'll tell you the same thing." Death turned around, to return to his dismal home by the foggy lake, to wait the next soul that might need him to ferry him across the realm of the living and the dead. " Hey Azrial, watch the gate for a sec, no one in or out." With that Peter entered the gate to let Himself know that Death was here and trouble might be brewing.

In another part of the world in a room like any other room, Marissa lay on the floor knowing this was the right thing to do. For the first time in as long as she could remember she felt at peace. No pain, no sorrow, no worries. A feeling of quiet and clam that surrounded her, feeling as she must have felt had she returned to her mothers womb. warm, dreamy and safe. Opening her eyes she wondered why Death had not arrived to take her away. She knew she couldnt live, her life blood spilled across the living room carpet. Looking about she finally saw the light. The time had come, her release. But if this was Death why wasnt he wearing his cowl, or carrying his sword thingie. This guy had wings, and was handsome, and light shone all around him, a reddish sort of tinge. She let go of her body and floated in the air hovering, wondering if the man/angel? would say anything to her. She waited. He just kept staring at her, her, not her body down there. He looked really confused and a little angry. What was going on here? "Who are you? You come to take me away? Im ready. I hated this life." " Im not death. Im Satan, and your supposed to have been in hell hours ago. What did you do with Death? Where on earth is he?" The woman began a desperate keening, deep within, it resounded about the room sounding like the cresendo of thunder and lightening. Embarrassed he tried to explain. "Listen, you suicided. Thats a sin. Yours supposed to be brought to me. I have a quota to fill you know. Death isnt here, so where is he?" " What am I going to do?", the woman wailed, "I didnt just slit my wrists to be forever in between. I mean, I know I have to pay the price of killing myself, but how can I do that if noone knows where in hell Death is. Cant you just take me to hell?" "No can do," Satan shook his head. " I cant take you anywhere until you pass through my gates. Death has to bring you to me, you have to sign in, you have to be registered.... oh hell, this is ridiculous. I really wanted you too!" Satan gave the woman a last leering look and in a whoosh disappeared.

He could see the parents crying, huddled in the corner, grief ridden, worry plain on their faces. The doctors had tried everything they could but it was futile, the child never had a chance. Now they were being asked to fill out paper work that they could barely read through tear soaked eyes. Finally with a great heaving of shoulders the man finds the strength to leave his wifes side and look over the paper work. Included was the death certificate and in seeing the words, the man sobbed in agony, dropping the papers on the carpet, fleeing te room, his wife following. He had seen it all before, countless times, and it never changed. If only he could do something for them, but until He changed his mind, death's hands were tied. Willing himself into the child's presence, he arrived in time to greet the newly released soul. They were always confused at first, not really knowing what happened. Even though this soul was inside a child newly born, it was an old soul, it knew only that something had happened again. "Hello Death. We seem to be making habit of this, huh" "Hello to you my good man. You were a man this time right? Or you would have been." Both turned to look at the small body laying on the hospital gurney. With a clicking of his tongue, the man asked, " I don't suppose you know what happened either?" "You know better than me. I'm never told. I can only guess. We are here in this hopital, so you must have been ill, and that's the way the fates decided this life must end." "What now? Will you take me back to my friends up there? I am sure that I couldnt have done to much that would send my soul to Hell. "Actually I have a choice here, dont get that often." Death enjoyed messing with souls once in awhile. His only entertainment in an awful job. " You do have a few sins that never were erased. Not bad ones, but no, you were not a pure soul." "A few rotten stolen candies, or cookies surely wouldnt keep me from my friends." "No no, I wouldnt do that. I just wish sometimes I could have more choices in this job. Always ferring of souls, both up and down, never getting to really have a friend, like you do or not, what it is to be alive,lo love, to live...... no I dont have that choice. You will be with your friends soon." Death reached out with his hand and looking the soul directly in the center, they were on their way.