Rogue Dominant's blog: "My Life In Black & White"

Jen,

It saddens me that I will never get to say this to you in person. And by posting this here, I highly doubt you will ever read it. But as I am missing out on my chance to see you one last time, there are things I must get off my chest. This way, too, I can be completely honest and explicit about my feelings for you, with no fear of repercussion or embarrassment.

First, things were always against us from the start, so understand that I never really expected a relationship to come of our acquaintance. You are married, and I respect that greatly. I envy your husband, and your whole family. You're also the kind of pretty that scares me. You bring out the shyness in me like no one else can. I am typically very forthcoming with my thoughts and feelings and yet you, you were almost too much to look at. I felt that warmth and glow when you looked at me that one only reads about in poems. When you began using the fifteen minutes we had together twice a day, three days a week, to converse with me, I was dumbfounded. I don't get dumbfounded. You spoke with me confidently, intelligently, even at times, intimately. This was my first sign that you were incredible and meant something to me on a deeper level. When I gave you my phone number with which to text me, so that I could help your friend, I was amazed when you actually used it. And when I backed off a little because I knew I was growing too attached to you, and you began following me throughout the building, or walking away from our standard positions if I wasn't there, it made me think, even for a moment, that there was something real there between us. Which is actually what made me draw away completely from you. You scared me. I was scared. And so I drew away and things cooled off between us. Maybe too much.

The last few times we saw each other, and didn't speak, you started letting your hair down before coming in the building. God, I don't know how it was possible, but that made you look even more beautiful. I was taken aback, and still, I couldn't approach you anymore. I didn't trust myself to keep things platonic, and that's what it all boiled down to. I didn't trust myself to be JUST your friend. And that's my problem, mistake, and cross to bear. But you need to know (even in this imaginary forum), that you meant so much to me. Thinking about losing you now causes me physical pain. And that makes me wonder, were you a crush? Or was it more? I make you out to sound like an angel here, some untouchable model, but we both know you aren't. You're down to earth, approachable, and I imagine that you have touched many a man the same way that you have touched me. And it's just so normal to you, that you don't even realize it.

The one thing I do know, is that you forever changed my life with your words and kindness, and your touch will linger with me forever. For you, your incredibly lucky husband, your awesomely entertaining and personable son, and your daughter who is just beginning to follow her path towards adulthood, I wish absolutely nothing but the best things in life, everything that you could want, and more importantly, everything that you need. I struggle to keep from driving by your house sometimes. I don't know even now if you gave me your home address by accident or if it was a tease, or if you just flat out trusted me. But I will never abuse that. I will go on hoping, instead, that we bump into one another one day, out shopping or something, and I can keep my cool long enough to say hello and to just enjoy your presence once again.

Because I will, and already do, miss you greatly. You are everything I have ever wanted in a significant other. And I can only hope to one day find someone remotely like you for myself. Good luck and, I hope it isn't, but, goodbye.

 

Forever Yours in Spirit,

Chris

I post this to my blogs, because, well, why not? It can't hurt to put it out there. And to have multiple copies in case of crashes. This is the latest update to my online dating profile. (Trollers will be trolled.)

 

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I'm not going to lie, I'm kind of tired of bouncing in and out of relationships because what someone says they want, either isn't what they want at all, or changes months into the relationship. So please, unless you absolutely know what you want in a relationship, pass on me. I'm not looking for temp or transition relationships. I don't want to be your "good enough until something better comes along" . I want to be done looking for the right person.

 

I recently bought a small home and, while I work at a fulfilling job, I am currently and actively looking for something a little more stable. So if you're looking for a career man, pass. My work life will be in flux for a while, because I know what I want and I know I'm going to have to fight to get it. My life is on a huge upswing right now and I wouldn't mind sharing that with someone. Preferably someone mature and sane for a change.

 

I also recently lost a lot of weight and then put some back on over the holidays. I don't need a fitness buff in my life, but someone who will encourage and maybe even join me in living healthier would be appreciated. Even a slap on the back when I go out jogging or something helps.

 

I have a very dark sense of humor. A lot of people can't handle it. If you can't understand how someone can laugh at a funeral, pass on me.

 

My biggest pet peeves, the things I absolutely will not tolerate in a relationship again are lying, cheating and being overly pretentious. Seriously, if you can't say a word with a double L in it without pretending to have some fake French accent, or basic foods such as bread and cheese aren't good enough for you, pass. I know that one seems weird. Let's just say it's new and move on.

 

Overall, I just want to laugh. I want to hold someone and be held by someone. I want to be able to tell you all my secrets, without being judged. I want to be able to care for someone and provide for them at some level without that scaring them so much they have to flee, because it's not something they are used to. I also want a lot of touching. Hand holding, kissing, hugging, idle caressing, flirting, etc.

 

You will find no fear of commitment or intimacy here. A little possessiveness, maybe, and once in a while a little bit of an ego. But let's face it, there's also a lot of honesty here, because how many people would admit to those things on a dating profile? I'm worth talking to. But that's up to you. Feel free to say hi. Talking doesn't hurt.

August 23, 2016

Xxx Xxxxxxx

XXX xxxxxxl Rd

Xxxxx, PA

Xxxxx

Xxx,

This is to inform you that as of today, August 23^rd, 2016, I have reached the limitations of my patience and forgiveness for your acts of privacy invasion against me. This is to serve notice that, in the future, all acts committed by you or those visiting or staying with you in your rental unit, will be promptly reported to the proper legal authorities. These acts, which have been observed in the past, include, but are not limited to,

1)       Trespassing

1. Specifically, entering the interior of my rental property or using my lawn as if it is your own.

2)       Vandalism

1. Specifically, altering my foliage, patio accessories, vehicle and parking area, etc to your liking or personal preference.

3)       Dumping

1. Specifically, the throwing of your garbage onto my lawn.

4)       Peeping

1. Specifically, standing outside my window, which is not adjacent to your property, to see within my rental property.

5)       Keeping of unleashed pets outside of rental property

1. Specifically, ignoring Chapter 57 of the East Cocalico ordinances concerning the control and restraint via leash of dogs, and those concerning the solid waste of said animals, allowing unleashed pets to wander and defecate upon the lawn of my rental property.

This culminated on, first, the morning of June 27^th, when your friend was observed outside my window, peering into my kitchen, cutting down the weeds on my rental property to gain access to your satellite dish; and second on the day of August 22^nd, when I left the apartment to find that, again, my ferns had been chopped, with the branches left lying in the grass with absolutely zero respect or regard for my property. In the future, you are welcome to have your satellite company reposition your dish so that my foliage does not interfere with your reception (I promise, there is more than one location on a building where a signal can be picked up regardless of what you claim you were told.), but you do not have permission to alter my landscaping in any way, whether it is, in your opinion, beneficial or not.

The foliage that grows outside my apartment is there to shade and cool my kitchen, which takes direct sunlight for most of the day, and to protect me from creepy individuals such as your “friend”, who has already been witnessed peeping into my window. It took a long time to culminate a decent looking foliage from the weeds that had previously grown in the spot, and your altering of those plants is no different than if I were to suddenly take down the makeshift trellis you keep on the porch. You are not the only one living in your world. You would do well to remember that.

I have lived in my unit since 1999, and from that time have shown nothing but respect to the property and rights of my neighbors and fellow renters, a consideration that, for the most part, has not been reciprocated. To this point, I have been very patient and lenient. I will no longer, however, sit back and tolerate my own rights being ignored and invalidated. Moving forward from this point, order will be restored with the use of law enforcement and, if necessary, legal counsel. My rent is paid, just as yours is, and I expect, just as you do, all of the rights and privileges that come with that. I hope that this action will allow our relationship as neighbors to move forward in a positive way, and to restore respect and order with no further necessary action.

With regards,

 

Chris Dom

I wasn't expecting much from this movie. I was just happy to finally see Deadshot & Killer Croc in action after so long. They did not disappoint. The battle between the "bad guys" & the "worse guys" was WAY too brief & easy. It felt tacked on, with more of the movie setting up the Squad characters & showing how different they were from each other but still compatible as a team. Honestly, it felt a lot like the movie "Turner & Hooch". I enjoyed it & will buy the DVD when it comes out. But overall, it was far from brilliant. The portrayal of Harley went back & forth so much. She'd have an accent, then not have an accent. She was crazy, then she was reeled in. And I'm sorry, I love Jared Leto, but that was no Joker. I bought it maybe once, briefly. Otherwise, that was one seriously overrated performance, in my opinion. I liked the character he created, but it wasn't who it was meant to be. Lastly, does Ivan Reitman know they stole his Ghostbuster special effects? I kept waiting for Gozer to appear in the giant beam of light and ring of debris.

I was watching my niece today, as usual, when she claimed she was going to play House, which I thought was cute. Until she came out of her room holding a cane, walking with a prominent limp, became very smug and everyone in the neighborhood fell incredibly, mysteriously, life-threateningly ill.

 

No worries, tho. 42 minutes later we were all fine.

 

I don't think I'm going to let her play that anymore.

After being asked tonight by a stranger what a neuro-muscular condition is, specifically what symptoms I suffer from, and after explaining as best I could to answer both questions, she proceeded to tell me that she would pray for me. I was as polite as possible in my response. I said...

 

"Thank you for your concern, but I've lived with this for years now and I deal with it. You go ahead and pray, and I will handle many poisonous snakes. I'm sure, between the two of us, I will be completely healed or dead very soon."

 

I haven't heard anything back yet.

 

Did I do wrong?

 

Was it...was it something I said?

I had an encounter tonight with a human being that was so pleasant, I have to call it a rarity. I have zero hope in our society today, between the majority of you being basic sheeple, blasting your way thru life, throwing up your hands at the slightest offense if someone doesn't agree with your ways, to the untouchable higher ups who do everything they can to technologically wipe out the entire human race. And after my most recent "relationship", which truly showed me the ugly face of human interaction, I'm more fine than ever just being alone. (Except for the weekly poker game. Those would be considerably less fun with no one else to play.) However, tonight, something happened. It was tiny, in the grand scheme of things, but see if you can grasp why it made such an impact on me.

 

I went to the grocery store on my way home from babysitting. I knew it was going to be packed. Winter Storm Frenzy is upon us and everyone is stocking up on supplies. I stepped into the checkout line with my little basket, overburdened as it was, behind a couple with a full cart. No big deal there. All the lines were the same way. I don't mind waiting. I never do. Then, a woman stepped into line behind me, carrying just a case of bottled water. I'm going to give a basic description of this woman, but don't believe for a second that her appearance had anything at all to do with my actions or words. She could have been a big, hairy fat guy and this would have played out almost the same way.

 

She was a small thing. Very short and petite. Her long, blonde hair was recently styled. Her expensive looking black coat that hung down to mid calf gave way to black slacks underneath. Her shoes probably cost more than my entire outfit, including my beautiful suede coat. (I love my suede coat.) Her makeup was perfect, but made her complexion appear darker than I believe it really was. But it was her eyes that caught your attention. Not that they were full and the entire pupil visible. Not that they sparkled brightly with lots of green in the middle, giving way to a rusty gold around the edges. It was that she looked at me, and SAW me. I can't remember the last time I could say that about someone. Most people look at you and immediately dismiss you. Even if you talk for hours, they just never notice you. And maybe it was because of the way she was dressed, or presented herself, or whatever, but she had "BITCH" written all over. She just looked the part. Hence why a description was important to the story. She obviously knew her share of privilege and entitlement. Until she looked at you. There was someone there, inside. 

 

As she was struggling with a single case of individual water bottles, I invited her to take the place ahead of me, and she accepted, first asking if I was sure, as you do, and then thanking me. I figured that was that. But she turned and started to converse with me, about the crowded store, the coming storm, how people overreact, etc. We made polite small talk but as time ticked by, she began to fidget. She told me she had an appointment in fifteen minutes and was worried about being late. I asked her how far she had to go, if it was something important, etc. Things one probably shouldn't ask of a stranger. Then, as she checked her watch again, and contemplated out loud giving up and getting the water later, I got REALLY bold. This was so far out of my comfort zone I'm still thinking maybe there was a glitch in the matrix. I asked her where she lived. Surprisingly, she explained that she used to live in the area but now lived about 15 minutes away, in the tiny village that nestles right up to the tiny village in which I live. I told her, I was heading in that direction, and if she wanted, I would be happy to take the water with me, swing by and drop it off with her husband, if he was going to be home. She looked surprised, but told me he should be there, but as it wasn't an emergency, there was no need for me to go out of my way. I told her I had noticed her wedding ring and that seemed to satisfy her curiosity about my mysterious knowledge of her husband. She thanked me again and again, and told me she really appreciated the offer. When I pressed her about her appointment, she confided that she was just meeting her brother for dinner, so it wasn't a huge deal. As she was about to leave, she thanked me again for letting her jump the line, and for my offer. I gave her one piece of parting advice. "Punctuality is an admirable attribute, and one necessary in today's society. But self-forgiveness is incalculable, and we can't expect to be perfect all the time."

 

This may not sound like much to you. But I am willing to bet, that if anyone actually reads this, the majority of you will find my actions "creepy" and "invasive". But what was so wonderful was, she didn't. As far as I could tell, anyway. She took my simple acts of kindness, with no ulterior motive, as just that. Kindness. She didn't judge me, or accuse me of something I didn't do. She didn't even appear to contemplate the idea that I might have sinister motives. She simply accepted me for me. And that was AWESOME. To you, that may not seem like much, but it was truly a unique experience for me.

 

And, I may add, this all took place on a day when my hair was frizzy as hell, my beard is stuck at mid-growth, I'm wearing a damn Pocono Mountains sweatshirt, and I just feel crummy all over. She didn't care. Not outwardly, anyway. Faith in humanity restored? Not quite. But it gave me hope.