Aims2Please's blog: "On my mind"

When I first came to CT in October, I thought "well, there's no need for it since I already have Myspace". Most of my good friends are on myspace and I talk to them all the time. I post blogs there, so that they know how I'm feeling. Lately though, I'm going to admit, I'm hanging around CT a lot more. I met a couple of people I actually really enjoy talking to or sending messages to. Nice people. People who are easy to hang around. I thank you. I'm noticing I even have a few people read this. One of the thing I always emphasize on my blogs of Myspace, is that I'm always grateful to have someone interested enough in me to read my blogs and find out how my mind works. I may not be much to talk to face to face, but what I write here definitely reflects what's on my mind. It's a good release, and I must admit that it's better than playing Tetris. :) Cherry Tap isn't as bad as I once thought, once you get by all the popularity crazed people who only seem to live for ratings, and comments. But even still, I suppose everyone has to have a hobby. I don't even have 50 pictures to add, so how the hell is it someone would have 2500? It's possible, I know, but damn that's a lot of work. I was thinking about making a private folder. Heh, then again, I can't think of anyone interested in getting to know me like THAT. Eh, it's up in the air. Anyway, friends, I thank you with all my heart. I can't put into words how much it means to me that someone cares about what goes through my mind. *hugs and handshakes*

With this blog, I want to talk about sex. Everyone says I have a perverted mind. It's always in the gutter as they say because I'm always saying things that are perverted, or pointing out a perverted reference to something someone else says. It's just how I am. I don't have much experience with sex. Sure, I've had phone sex a few times. I've cybered. It doesn't mean anything though. I've only had sex once in my life, but the truth is I'm just a regular man just like anyone else. I do want it just as bad, if not more, and I do get horny a lot. It's not so much that I'm waiting for the right woman to come along, but it's mostly that the women who want to give it up to me, I don't want THEM, and the ones I DO want, don't see me in that same light. They see me as a friend. That's my biggest issue. My personality makes it hard for me to be in a relationship I think. Women see me and they know the type of friend they have in me, as opposed to actually feeling an attraction for me. That hurts. I know some of the most beautiful, sexiest women anyone can meet, in my opinion. You won't see them all on CT and Myspace, but some are there. I enjoy talking to all of them, and I can talk to them about anything. I'm attracted to big women. Women with big breasts and nice asses. However, the woman I'm truly in love with, doesn't feel the same way about me. She's actually a petite woman, with decent sized breasts, and I can't even tell her how I feel about her. It's complicated to explain, but if anyone wants to hear about it, feel free to ask.

Ya know, it's interesting to me. I can sit here on CherryTap all day long, looking for people, adding people, commenting on other's pages just to try to make new friends or meet new people, but I'd be fooling myself. I mean, I've been a member since October, but I've never put any thought into my CT page until about a couple months ago, and I'm only level 3. I see people create new names, and in a matter of days they're up to level 5 or higher. That's amazing to me. The thing is, I've never had that kind of look I think. Everytime I make a new friend, I try to get to know them at least a little bit. I can tell who would be like a real friend, or a fake ass friend. I have people who go through my pictures and leave 10s (or the one 8 someone left on that picture of my dog) but won't say a word to me. That's their business. I'm just saying, if someone sees my picture and think it's worth it just to go through my pictures, why not try to make a friend out of it and say something to me? Just seems weird. I'm not here complaining about the friends that I don't have, because I have plenty of friends. I'm not complaining about my low CT rank, because I really don't give a damn about it. I know everyone has other friends who'll post comment after comment after comment, trying to boost both their ranks and YOUR ranks, and that's fine and dandy. I'd rather my comment be meaningful. Otherwise, what's the point? If I made a picture folder that was NSFW, and put a bunch of pictures in there, I wonder how many more friends I'd make. I think a lot of guys are friends with females for that reason. Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't know. I think guys pretend to be friends with girls on here because they got good cleavage, or nice asses, or aren't afraid to show a little somethin on camera. Yeah, they'll say anything they think the women want to hear. As for females being friends, I don't know if they do the same thing or not. Probably so. I do hear them say "he's sexy. He got a big dick. I'll add him. Oh, he's nice too! He talked to me and he likes my body". Are we here for that? Is this site just some kind of contest to see who can be the biggest cherry? If so, you can count me out of the contest, and just take my friendship and be happy. I'm not a comment hog.

There's a small tunnel. It looks like a hole in the wall. It's just big enough, that I can fit my body through. It'll probably lead me somewhere better than this, this world of hatred and heartlessness. I'm not afraid of what could be in it, or on the other side of it. I've seen what this world has to offer, and I'm not too impressed. I bend over and look in, and there's nothing but darkness. Emptiness. Silence. Already, it's better. The room is the complete opposite of my thoughts of the moment. Nobody yelling at me anymore, hurting me, lying to me, or even talking to me for that matter. I know the voices is only the memory of the day, but it's so repetitive, it feels like I'm in front of an audience who won't respond to the command "SHUT UP!!!" Closing my eyes and covering my ears only intensifies the sounds. Sleeping is only a memory. I've been awake for 5 minutes, and I still feel as though I haven't slept. The emptiness is inviting. It's quietness calling me in a soundless voice, that soothes my mind temporarily enough to want to make a decision, yet I'm still bending, looking in, listening. "Hello? Anyone?" Hmm...no response. Even better. Perhaps nobody will be able to find me here. Why am I still thinking? It's the easiest thing to do. If I go in, everything will be over, and all I accomplished over all these years will be negated. Will I start over? Will a new beginning be better than dead-end turmoil? Will someone stop me from going in? Better yet, will someone notice? *gets on my knees, and begins to crawl* ~Forgotten

I wrote this in the spirit of Valentine's Day. Hope you enjoy it. It's not about anyone in particular, but I'll admit I wouldn't have written it if a special someone wasn't in mind. Not about her, but BECAUSE of her. Thanks, Sonya. You are a true gift to me. I don't need a gift. It is her. She is my candy. She lets me taste the creamy center, as long as I can masticate the outer coating first. I don't need a gift. It is her. She is my rose. She's soft and gentle, and when I get close I want to smell her fragrance, but avoid the thorns. I don't need a gift. It is her. She is my heart. She gives me her love, unconditional, inviting, and she pumps impulses all through my being. I don't need a gift. It is her. She is my life. She opens my eyes each morning with each new breath, which turns my body to fits of wanderlust. I don't need a gift. It is her. She's my soul. My essence, my being, my reason to be... ...and I'll give anything to keep her with me. ~My gift

I've written a few poems and posted them in my blogs on Myspace and on my main page here so I wouldn't lose them. I'm not all that great with customizing my own page, so it looks all jumbled up. Anyone want to help me with it, please do. Valentine's Day is tomorrow. I'm not a bitter person. I have a lot of friends who show me love their way. Might not be the same as a real relationship, but for now it'll do. I even asked a friend of mine if she could be my Valentine. Haha. That was only because she told me she was boycotting Valentine's Day. It was the first time I actually asked anyone in my life really, and I kinda knew she'd say yes, because we're just close like that. :) Her name is Christine. When I write poetry, it's rare I take the time to write it on paper, but I find out that it's usually the best to do it that way. My thoughts flow more freely, and writer's block doesn't effect me. But, I thought I'd try it again. I'll keep you posted. I'll post my next poem in this blog. Take care, all.

One thing I always think is that looks are over-rated. Eh, perhaps I just say that because I don't have the looks. Well, I don't think I'm a bad looking guy, but I know I'm not exactly exhilerating to look at. People don't look at me and go "damn, he's cute. I'd let him bone me" or something like that. That's just not me, and quite honestly, I kinda like it like that. It does bother me sometimes when I hear a woman I like tell me that another guy is cute. Not exactly jealousy, because I'm a realist. I don't think I'm more cute than a lot of guys, so I guess I should expect it. I hear it all the time though. "Oh my God, Scott. He's so hot!!!" Yeah, I think "what about me?" but I know already what about me. I know what I am, and I don't try to be what I'm not, and that's what I want people to like about me. So, I won't be attracting the attention from a lot of females just by my looks. I'd rather attract their hearts in different ways. Charm, wit, intellect, humor, etc. Everyone who likes me doesn't like me for me being attractive, at least I don't think. There are other reasons, and I'd prefer people get to know me before they start walking in the other direction. I'm actually a pretty decent guy...at least I'd like to think so.

For those who care, I've added a couple of pics that has me thinking about Valentine's Day lately. I was talking to my friend Omrie today and he was in the middle of drawing a picture of him and his girlfriend. He's always been a bit creative, and he wanted to show me what he was up to. I thought it would be perfect to add to my list of pictures for Valentine's Day. Feel free to check it out. Also, probably about 2 months ago, my ex Heather sent me a picture of just her eyes. She has brown eyes, but she wanted to show me how this new eyeliner she uses makes them look green. When I opened this pic up, the picture viewer on this computer blew it up to fit the size of the entire desktop. I sat here, staring at the picture, and at first I smiled, because well, I guess I've never REALLY gotten over her and I appreciated the picture she sent me. Then, I started crying. I can't look at the full picture anymore without crying. To me, she's beautiful, and it makes me feel like I'm looking into her eyes, and it makes me want her back...but that's it. Nothing I can do. She's moving on, has a good life going for her, and I'm...here. I never met her face to face before, but we still had a relationship, and I only wish I could've done more to be with her.

Hello all. I have my various thoughts of Valentine's Day. You know, I'm 27 years old. I've never had a Valentine before. I guess I'm kinda bitter towards the whole thing. Most of my friends don't like the holiday because they feel that a certain day shouldn't be pushed aside to show how much you appreciate your loved one. I'm the type of person who would do something nice for a woman I love just because. No reason intended. I guess what Valentine's Day would be for me would be going all out. No, I don't know. I'm a home person. All I want to do is have a nice dinner, maybe watch a movie with someone I love, and just sit there, holding her in my arms, or holding her hand the entire time. After the movie, tell her how much she means to me and how much I love her. Thing is, that's not exempt for just Valentine's Day. That's how I am EVERY day. The only difference is, there might be chocolates involved, but I'm a bit of a chocoholic myself so I'd probably eat them instead of her. Hehe. I'm an easy man to please. I don't expect gifts. I don't NEED gifts. I can't think of anything I would want for a gift. The ONLY THING I'd want, would be someone who wants to be held, on just another day.

I don't have many friends here. I don't know who reads my blogs or even if they're read at all. I write a blog almost every day on Myspace, but it's a bit different here. My thoughts are my thoughts, and they don't change. I write a lot about love and things like that from time to time, but I also write a lot about me feeling blessed to have all the friends I've made over the years, and about some things that goes on with me or my family. Tonight, I saw a commercial for Victoria Secret. Women talking about what they see in a perfect man. They said things like "I want a man who's funny, who listens, who's easy to talk to, who's cute, etc." Well, bottom line is, I believe I'm all of the things they've mentioned. So the question comes to mind, why don't I have a woman? Truthfully, it's not a big deal. I mean, I believe someone will come along, but I'm really cautious about what I'm looking for in a person for myself. I don't ask for much. All I want in a woman is someone who will be as loving to me as I am to her. I want a woman who knows how I feel about her, and I'll do my best so that she doesn't have to question it. Kids are optional. I'm flexible to that, but that's up to her. If it happens, I'll be the best father I can. I'm a family first kinda person anyway, and I want a woman who respects that. Throw in a good sense of humor, and I got myself a winner. Looks isn't a major thing with me, but that's mainly because I think most, if not all women to be beautiful. I'm more interested in personality than anything else. What's inside of the mind and heart, brings out the loveliness of all people.