Dreamyeyed's blog: "Ramblin"

A farmer named Clyde had a car accident. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning Clyde. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?'" asked the lawyer. Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded My favorite mule, Bessie, into the..." "I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?'" Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road...." The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question." By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie". Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun in hand, looked at me, and said "How are you feeling?" Now, what the hell would you say?

A BLONDE'S CAR GETS A FLAT TIRE ON THE INTERSTATE ONE DAY SO SHE EASES IT OVER ONTO THE SHOULDER OF THE ROAD. SHE CAREFULLY STEPS OUT OF THE CAR AND OPENS THE TRUNK. SHE THEN TAKES OUT TWO CARDBOARD MEN, UNFOLDS THEM AND STANDS THEM AT THE REAR OF THE VEHICLE FACING ONCOMING TRAFFIC. THE LIFELIKE CARDBOARD MEN ARE IN TRENCH COATS>EXPOSING THEIR NUDE BODIES TO APPROACHING DRIVERS... NOT SURPRISINGLY, THE TRAFFIC BECAME SNARLED AND BACKED UP. IT WASN'T VERY LONG BEFORE A POLICE CAR ARRIVES. THE OFFICER, CLEARLY ENRAGED, APPROACHES THE BLONDE OF THE DISABLED VEHICLE YELLING, "WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?" "MY CAR BROKE DOWN, OFFICER" SAYS THE WOMAN, CALMLY. "WELL, WHAT THE HELL ARE THESE OBSCENE CARDBOARD PICTURES DOING HERE BY THE ROAD?!" ASKS THE OFFICER... "HELLLLLOOOOO, TH OSE ARE MY EMERGENCY FLASHERS!" SHE REPLIES

OK I HAVE TO POST THIS!! I AM SICK AND TIRED OF ALL THE SHIT THAT IS BEING SAID ABOUT ME ON HERE. I AM GONNA BE STRAIGHT UP FRONT I AM TIRED OF PEOPLE SAYING STUFF ABOUT ME THAT ISN'T TRUE! THIS IS THE ONE REASON WHY I KEEP TO MYSELF AND I AM GONNA KEEP IT THAT WAY. WHEN I SAY I WANT NO PART OF ANYTHING GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEAD! THAT IS WHAT I MEAN. I CAN'T TAKE PEOPLE RUINING STUFF ON ME! POSTING STUFF THAT ISN'T TRUE JUST PUT ME OVER THE EDGE NOW! AND I WANT IT TO END NOW! I HAVE DONE NOTHING TO ANY OF YOU PEOPLE, WHY WOULD YOU DO IT TO ME?? AND IF PEOPLE WANNA BELIEVE WHAT THEY HEAR THEY BETTER COME ASK ME FIRST I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE ABOUT MYSELF. I JUST WANT IT ALL TO STOP PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret After all, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty! One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you." "My darling," he replied, "think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."

1. TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning." 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" 4. My mother taught me LOGIC. " Because I said so, that's why." 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me." 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident." 7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about." 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper." 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!" 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone." 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it." 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!" 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out." 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!" 15. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do." 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until your father gets home." 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!" 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way." 19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?" 20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes,don't come running to me." 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables,you'll never grow up." 22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father." 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?" 24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand." 25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!

Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day and they both go before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven. Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the Angel must decide which of them gets in. The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to Heaven. Dolly takes off her top and says, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity." The Angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question. The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, shakes it up, and gargles. Then, she spits into a toilet and pulls the lever. The Angel says, "OK, your Majesty, you may go in." Dolly is outraged and asks, "What was that all about? I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down. She spits into a commode and she gets in! Would you explain that to me?" "Sorry, Dolly," says the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair - no matter how big they are.

Never Dare a Woman A husband and wife were sharing a bottle of wine when the husband said, "I bet you can't tell me something that will make me feel happy and sad at the same time". The wife thought for a few moments, then said, "Your dick's bigger than your brother's" !

I got to the hotel first, I checked in and left the receptionist instructions to to give you the second key and send you straight up...I made sure that I was here early enough to set up the room and to get myself ready, for what was to be a most memorable evening..The room was quite large with a queensize bed, a table and two hard backed chairs..The bathroom held a large Jacuzzi..this will do nicely I thought as I started to run the bath...I went to my bag and took out some of the candles which filled nearly half my small suitcase I spread them around the room..some were scented with a strong spicy musk..and when I lit them them the began to fill the room with their deep aroma..with the room lit only by the flickering light from the candles the scene was almost complete...I took my Ipod and set it up on its speaker stand..the music started as I took the final steps..I went to my case and remove my outfits laying them on the bed...I picked up the red latex waspie and suspender belt..these will do for the bathroom i thought as I pulled out the matching pair of latex topped seemed stockings..I took them through to the bathroom and hung them over the towel rail in readiness..I shut of the water to bath..and returned to the bed to choose my first outfit of the evening..I decided on my black PVC corset..the one I had worn on that first day and I then I made myself the image of what I had been that day right down to my high shiny shoes..the last black leather corset and zippered thong I took from the bed and laid on the table..placing my spiked heeled corset boots underneath and finally I hung two pairs of stockings over the back of the chair..finished I thought as I went over to the bed to take my position..taking a small pouch from my case before clearing the bed...I climbed onto the bed and took from the pouch a small silver straw which i placed down my full tight cleavage i then lay back with my head hanging back over the foot of the bed..my hair trailing on the floor...I took the small bottle from the pouch and carefully emptied a thin long line of perfume down both of the shiny black panels that ran down either side of the hooks at the front of my corset...I replaced the cap and lay there totally still..I didn't have to wait long as I heard the key in the door...you walked in and after closing the door behind you you stood and looked around..dropping your bag to the floor you walked over to me undoing your the laces on your trousers as you came closer..pulling out your perky chest...you stood at the foot of the bed and slid your nipple into my hot waiting mouth. I sucked hard on your nipples..you started to move quicker as the rush started to flow through your veins...you reach forward and your hand goes to my pussy your fingers slide straight in to dripping cunt I get wetter with every stroke you make as I move to your wetness...I am rolling my tongue up and down your clit as you start to cum..you massage it into my skin and face as my tongue flicks across your pussy licking it clean...time for a bath I think, the first words that you have spoken since you arrived...I get up and go to the bathroom removing my corset as I go letting it drop to the floor as you finish undressing in the bedroom..i strip naked and I pull on the latex suspender belt...I can feel my pussy start to throb as I inhale the smell of deeply as I slide the stockings up my legs... making me hot and wet as I zip myself into the tight latex...I go over to the bath and step in turning on the bubbles as you walk in..the sight of you totally naked made me groan out loud as I want it you so badly my pussy is aching...I kneel down in the bath and my hands go to my tits I start to squeeze them pulling hard on my nipples..the heat of the water and my arousal making my sweat mingle with my sweet sweatdripping down my face you come toward me and take me by the hair...My hand slips between my legs and I start to rub my juicy clit... I hear something fall to the floor as you pull me toward you as i put my hand between your legs...suddenly I feel the hot wetness deep inside you...bubbling water as you step in..you slip into the water and I started to slowly soap myself up my hands working the foaming lather all over my body caressing myself everywhere..I start to rub myself against you our tits slipping over each others soapy skin our nipples pressing hard against each other..I move a hand to your tits and start to run my hands over them... the lather running down between them the white bubbles trickle down the shiny latex corset...I turn you round and start to soap your back bending you onto all fours I start to work the lather all over your body up and down the inside of your thighs over your hot wet cunt all over your tight ass.. I lean over and take something from the floor You turn my head as the buzzing sound started and saw what was in my hand it was a double headed vibrator one thick long shaft and one shorter slimmer end your eyes widened as I started to rub the thick vibrating head over your clit as I kept soaping you with the other...I started to roll the vibrator over and between your thighs up the small of your back pressing it hard against your clit sending delicious shivers right through your body I moved it back over your pussy and start to slide it in you could feel the cool vibrating shaft as it started to slide in..then you felt the second as it started to slide into your tight soapy ass..You gripped the sides of the Jacuzzi as you slide them in to the hilt the vibrations sending me wild as you started to rock back and forth onto the hard plastic cocks..the slipped easily in and out as I started to fuck you with them I made a circle motion as I pushed and pulled and you started to feel yourself cum..You began to moan and cry out with pleasure as the orgasm started to ripple through your body..fuck me, please fuck me ,you begged as my hand moved quicker and quicker. I could hear you start to breath faster as you told me that you loved the feel of the vibrator workin your clit , ..your groans getting louder thick hard end of the vibrator sliding in and out of your cunt and you felt the vibrations as they swept through you...slapping your ass I left stinging red prints that glowed against your white cheeks...you was crying out now yes Yes fuck me fuck me...pushing me off you laid back in the hot bubbling water..I turned and picked up the sponge and filled it with soap squeezing it into a foamy ball I began to stroke your body with it..covering your skin with lather I circle your skin slowly working my way down your body my hand moves between your legs the soft sponge rubbing against your thighs..you put your head back and close your eyes as I finish washing you...dunking the sponge in the water and squeezing over your skin again again the hot water rinsing off the last of the bubbles..You opened your eyes and said get me a drink then bitch... I laughed as I rose from the water..rivulets of water cascaded over the curves of my body over my hips and down my stocking thighs...I stepped out of the bath and put a foot on the rim as I slowly unclipped the first of the suspenders I looked at you watching me as I unfastened the second and began to roll the dripping stockings down my shiny wet leg..I then put my other foot on the bath but as I went to undo it you moved my hand away and began to release them yourself...your hand sending tingles up my spine as it brushed against the inside of my thigh as you rolled it down..you then took hold of the side of my latex suspenders pulling me close you gave my pussy a long hot wet lick before pulling off my suspender belt....I stepped back and unzipped my corset throwing it to the floor I picked up a towel and began to gently stroke my self dry standing back far enough to make sure that you could see every move that I made as the soft material brushed against my skin...I let the towel fall to my feet as I walked through to the bedroom returning with a glass of champagne and a strawberry between my lips I lent forward and you took the strawberry from me you lips brushing against mine as the sweetness of the juice dripped from them...I stood up and passed you your drink as I returned to the bedroom to get ready...I went over to the table and began to put on my black leather corset this one was wide open at the back leaving my skin visible from between the laces...I slipped into my zip crotch leather thong and selected a pair of the stockings...you came into the room wearing a bathrobe as I was fastening my suspenders...you walked toward me and sat me down in the chair...kneeling before me you took on of my boots and slipped it on my foot I lifted my leg resting the heel on your shoulder as you zipped them up...I kept my foot there as you you placed the second boot on again I put that heel on your shoulder as you slid the zip up to the top...you started to run your hands up and down my stocking covered legs...Istarted to breath faster as you moved your head between my legs unzipping my thong you took my pussy in your mouth my legs over your shoulders with the top of my stockings brushing against your cheeks you began to lick and suck my clit as pushed myself against you moaning softly as delicious sensations washed over me as your hot breath making my skin burn with desire..the smell of my leather thong filling your nostrils mixing with chemicals to create an even bigger high...You raise your self up leaning forward kissing me so that I can taste my juices on your lips...you take me by the hand and pull me to my feet...turning the chair around so the back is facing me you take the other pair of stockings as you push me forward bending me over the back of the chair..you move round to the front and take on of my wrists and with a stocking you tie it to the front leg of the chair.. you repeat this with the other wrist and then you smile and walk over to your bag...I see that from this you pull a blindfold and a leather thonged whip...you take the blindfold and gently tie round my eyes darkness swallows me whole as I listen as you move around me... I start to can hear the swishing of the whip as you swing it back and forth getting a feel for its movement...I hold my breath in anticipation as I hear it slicing through the air before landing hard across my bare ass..it slaps against the thin leather band that runs from my thong as you whip me again..this time I cry out as my breath escapes me as the feeling of the leather hitting my skin starts to turn me on...you bring the whip down again and again across my back..stinging my ass cheeks and the back of my thighs...my skin starts to burn red as I feel my cunt getting wetter and wetter as I am helplessly under your control while i'm tied so tightly to the chair...you step bag to your bag and pull out the shiny silver vibrator that had given me so much pleasure ion the past and you start to slowly move it up and down my hot wet slit my juicy flowing freely over it covering it with my clear shiny cum as you fuck me with it each thrust matched with a stroke of the whip across my back..the feeling was sensational as I came again and again my juices covering your hand as pushed the vibrator in deeply....Then came a knock at the door..you shoved the vibrator in deeply and zipped up my thong leaving me there moaning softly with the waves of pleasure that kept flooding over me..I heard the door open and someone come in...I heard him say his name was B as he ordered you to suck on his cock..I could hear your mouth on his cock as you started to lick and suck him...the vibrations fueling my torrential orgasms ripped threw me...I heard you both move over to the bed..me ears straining to pick up every erotic detail as you cried out quietly as he started to fuck you I could her you both fucking your moans getting louder as he started to fuck you quicker...my own moans mingling with yours as I felt like I could take no more.,.the pleasure from the vibrator pushed into my cunt was getting too much to bear as I heard you start to cum..you scream out as I hear a deep guttural sound from him as his was about to cum I hear footsteps then feel your hands at my wrists loosening my binds..you stand me up and remove my blindfold and I see him on the bed...he was just what I had ordered.. thick black hair fell to hiss waist his blue eyes looking at me..go fuck him you said and I obediently go to him.. I start at the foot of the bed as you take a seat in the chair I was so recently bound to..I began to kiss his legs starting at his ankles I kiss and lick my way up his legs tasting the saltiness of his mingled sweat as work my way to his hot hard cock..as i get closer I and my pussy starts to throb...Small sounds escape me as I inhale his musky scent as i put my mouth around is cock...my tongue flicking his head gently dipping into my mouth...drink you said again...so I pressed my mouth hard up against him and started to suck him deeply she started to writhe beneath me as I sucked harder and harder his hot cum filling my mouth as I drank from his gorgeous hard cock..we were both moaning with pleasure as the vibrator still buzzed inside me and I started to tug gently...You moved your chair to the foot of the bed and sat watching as as I came...HIs hand went to my zippered thong and he felt the vibrations from within me..he slid down the zippers and took the vibrator from my sopping wet cunt you moved over slightly so that you could get a better view .I moved round and knelt above him I lowered my self onto him and started to play with my tits as you watched his cock start to rise again.. I rolled my hips rubbing my pussy onto his face as I sucked him hungrily..you leaned forward pinch my nipples hard. His cock was now magnificently rigid and gleaming in the flickering light from the candles...you told us both to come to you and we rose quickly and knelt at your feet..we slid your robe off your shoulders and began to kiss and lick you..your pussy so wet visibly as with one of us on each side we worked our way down your body..licking and kissing every inch of you on the way our fingers entwined as we both began to stroke your pussy..sliding our hands up and down your thighs our mouths getting ever closer...at last our lips reached your wetness and we began to kiss with your clit between us our tongues caressing its tip..as we started to take turns licking you ..ever so often stopping for just a second as we kissed each other over your fantastic pussy...our hands roamed over your body as we both started to slide our tongue and lips up and down taking turns to suck hard on your purple glistening clit....you tell me to get on all fours as you pull him upright you lay him across my back his head resting on my ass..his hand grip onto my tits as he holds himself in place..you go to your bag and take a roll of bondage tape and you begin to bind us together the tape wrapping round our waists holding him tight against me...once your happy that we tightly secured you move round to face me and and putting your legs over my shoulders you lower yourself slightly and slide your pussyto my mouth..you only let me have a few delicious licks before you raise yourself..you tease me with a couple of strokes then you turned to his juice soaked cock and slid it in..banging hard against his hips as you start to cum... TO BE CONTINUED!!!

She entered the club alone The lights playing on her pale skin She felt the music flow through her body Looking around she saw only boredom No one called her attention Sitting at the bar she asked Double Irish Cream No ice She spun around Not knowing why Only a feeling There he was His deed blue eyes watching her The shape of his lips was teasing His hair hung down his face He had a nice build Around her height He smiled at her All the ice that formed her Turned to water in his gaze Coming towards her Her drink in her hand She wanted to run There he was Taking her by the hand A private office His office She was new here He hadn’t seen her before Something told him Go to her She is your freedom She smiled First in a long time They laughed She felt his body next to hers His heat overpowering her She wanted to run He took her cheek in his hand His touch was soft His thumb on her lips She wanted more She leaned in His lips caressed hers Fireworks exploded There tongues intertwined Finding every space Breathing as one He slid his hand along her back She shivered His hands were strong He pulled her close She felt a moan rise up from him He was surprised by the sound They went to the dance floor Safe around the crowd He held her in his arms Not relinquishing his touch She was relaxed The music ended The night was over He held her close They walked in the sand Played in the surf Stared at the stars He leaned over her body His lips caressing her face Their kiss was pure passion His hand was on her side Burning against her skin Her shirt came undone His fingertips scorched a trail across her bare skin Unclasping her restraints He took her supple mounds into his lips Loving them tenderly She threw his shirt aside Pulling her nails across his exposed back He shivered His flesh pressed against hers As his mouth enveloped hers She felt his hand on her thigh Full of need Materials rustled as they fell to the sand She strattled his lap Feeling his strength against her legs He wrapped his arms around her Her warmth engulfed him They moved as one Flesh to flesh Soul to soul The rhythm of the surf pounding the shore The wind blowing across the sea Nothing finding them They were lost Off in their own world A world of their creation No time Or space Only now The fire within them exploded Bringing forth the dawn The seagull’s cry startled them The sun had come Recomposed they arose Walking in the sand Playing in the surf Food was desired Eating as they walked Her number in his pocket Her taste in his mind He was free Walking on air She kissed him goodbye Knowing it was only for now Tonight would be here soon His arms around her His smell within her She was free Floating on the wind

inside of my pussy, moving it in out several times before hitting the on switch. It vibrated heavily on my walls as I pushed it in my body, pressing it into my most erotic places. I soon forgot about the movie playing on my television and became lost in the sensations the toys were giving me. I shut my eyes and lay back on the pillows, lifting and spreading my legs to give myself better access to my cunt and clit with the vibrators. The larger toy moved deeper into my pussy, rotating in circular motions. My juices began to cover my hand and I pressed the smaller dildo hard against my erect button. I began to feel an overwhelming need to release, but I wasn’t ready yet. Quickly, I brought the petite one from my clit and moved it to my anus. My own nectar acted as a lube as I shallowly penetrated my butt with the phallus. My hands began to move the toys furiously in both of my holes as waves of sexual euphoria coursed through me. The harder I pushed them in and out of me, the closer I was to coming. I felt the ache of unsatiated desire deep inside of my cunt and I began to work the toys more frantically. I had to have a release. Faster and faster the toys worked in my erotically tortured body. I felt the orgasm in my cunt spread through me. It was like a wave of hot tingling pleasure. The kind that comes from finally indulging in a basic physical need. Sheets of my juices flowed from inside of me, coating my hands in a warm, sticky, viscous nectar. The climax lasted for what seemed like forever and I thought I would loose consciousness from the bliss of satisfaction. When it was over, both my arms and legs were weak from the tension and stress of the moment. I lay there spent and motionless for several minutes before tossing my toys back under my mattress. The movie with the two women was still playing on the television, but I no longer had a need for them. They had served their purpose. I switched off the tube and pulled the blankets up under my chin, wrapping myself in them like a warm and satisfying cocoon. My eyes were no longer wide open and were starting to feel the heaviness of a deep sleep taking them over. The next thing I knew it was morning and I awoke to a feeling of complete rest and refreshment. I now have a new cure for insomnia, I thought to myself as I got out of bed and began to get ready to face another day.