DJ BloodVixenDarkside Dollie's blog: "Shadowlands"

I've been wracking my brain I've been searching my heart I've been standing in the rain Shards of love broken apart And I'm no closer now Than I was yesterday But there has to be somehow There has to be some way To make this all make sense Your Silence is like a Million screams All pointted straight at me Just dismissal with no reasons How did I earn this treason I gave all my heart and soul I gave my everything To make sure that you would know Only love and never pain I poured out all that I am And still you walk away I wish I could understand Why things had to be this way Just so it would make sense Your silence is like a million screams All pointed straight at me Just dismissal with no reasons How did I earn this treason How can you be so cold To somone who gave you so much Love and peace and joy Within a single touch You always said I was amazing You looked at me with awe And now I'm alone in this silence With no explanation at all Your silence is like a million screams All pointed straight at me Just dismissal with no reasons What have I done to deserve this treason

Ode to a Coward You whisper I love you And I do the same Then someone walks in And you change my name Dont ever say love again You don't know what the word means Or how it should feel to your soul Just to hear your beloved breathe Why are you so hopelessly devoted to People who don't give a fuck about you

My Window Cill Solemn and gray The hours slip away Raindrops for my friends As I watch their falling end On my window cill The air moves the trees A soft and steady breeze That plays with my hair As I contemplate and stare From my window cill Life framed drives by In the blink of an eye So many blinks to go Wonder what will land tomorrow On my window cill Staying on my side As the world does a glide And feel all more the stuck Mired in the muck Around my window cill The frost dances on glass My fingertips make a pass Cold sticking to my skin And its all held in By my window cill So many moments spent here Emotions from joy to fear All witnessed and enclosed Or so the story goes Within my window cill

A soft whisper In a howling wind Our hands intertwine Lips meet in the gust Of the winds of night She is my love A desire I shall fulfill Laying in her arms I see the moons home Her eyes and smile My recompense My solace From battles long fought My sweet moment Of darkness alive Our skin tingles together My breathe on hers Hers on mine My lover of the shadow My dark princess Come to me

A bitter crumb From the bread of life Dipped in blood red wine Lodged in my throat Cutting off my air Raising my dispair A word softly spoken Screams inside my head Until I wish I were dead Feeling their stares Rank condemnation A cold determination To hate all that I am Without knowing why Who would dare defy All gathered about my corpse All that remains is a shell And they bid me an icy farewell And so i descend Knowing not where I go Or why I'm alone Whispers circle around Echoes of sweet moments past How I wish they would last But I must depart Going deeper in my maze Heart torn and mind dazed I hear your voice calling I'm afraid to hope So i blindly grope Reaching with longing A hunger I cannot expain Burns till only ashes remain And then I see your face And my dream comes true At then end of it all I find you

105 Things You Might Not Have Known About Me. 1. EVER BEEN GIVEN AN ENGAGEMENT RING? Yes 2. LONGEST RELATIONSHIP? 3 years 3. LAST GIFT YOU RECEIVED? silver watch 4. EVER DROPPED A CELL PHONE? no 5. WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU WORKED OUT? today 6. THING(S) YOU SPEND A LOT OF MONEY ON? books and jewelry making supplies 7. LAST FOOD YOU ATE? banana 8. FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX? eyes 9. ONE FAVORITE SONG? Fireproof by pillar 10. WHERE DO YOU LIVE? ohio...ugh 11. SCHOOL YOU ATTEND/ATTENED: military brat so too many to name 12. WHAT? No, really... 13. FAVORITE MALL STORE: dont shop at the mall 14. LONGEST JOB YOU HAD: tutor (current) 15. DO YOU OWN A PAIR OF DICE? several 16. DO YOU PRANK CALL PEOPLE?: no 17. LAST WEDDING YOU ATTENDED: brother's 18. FRIENDS YOU'D CALL IF YOU WON THE LOTTERY: *ponder* 19. LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR BEST FRIEND:? 2 years ago 20. FAVORITE FAST FOOD RESTAURANT: dont like fast food 21. BIGGEST LIE YOU HAVE HEARD? "i love you" 23. WHERE'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO EAT WITH FRIENDS? our homes 24. CAN YOU COOK? yes actually 25. WHAT CAR DO YOU DRIVE?: bah, i want a fully restored 1976 dodge charger!! 26. BEST KISSER? ME lol 27. LAST TIME YOU CRIED?: today 28. MOST DISLIKED FOOD: brussel sprouts...ugh 29. THING YOU LIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF: personality 30. THING YOU DISLIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF: self-doubt 32. LONGEST SHIFT YOU HAVE WORKED AT A JOB?: 16 hours 33. FAVORITE MOVIE? boon dock saints 34. CAN YOU SING? yes 35. LAST CONCERT ATTENDED?: chevelle 36. LAST Date?: date of what? *blink, blink* 37. LAST MOVIE RENTED: dont rent, i buy lol 38. ONE THING YOU NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE WITHOUT: the voices in my head :D (jk...they can be right lazy lil bastards) 39. FAVORITE VACATION SPOT?: my lover's arms 43. LAPTOP OR DESKTOP COMPUTER? Both 45. DO YOU SMOKE? no 46. SLEEP WITH OR WITHOUT CLOTHES? Depends 47. WHO SLEEPS WITH YOU EVERY NIGHT?: no one :( 48. DO LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS WORK?: YES! 49. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BEEN PULLED OVER BY THE POLICE?: none 50. PANCAKES OR FRENCH TOAST? Pancakes 51. DO YOU LIKE COFFEE?: no, but i love the smell 52 HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS? hard boiled 53. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY? yes 54. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?: parker 55. LAST PERSON ON YOUR MISSED CALL LIST? michael 58. NUMBER OF PILLOWS? 3 59. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW?: tank top and panties 60. PICK A LYRIC, ANY LYRIC OR SONG? i've got a jet black heart, its all fucked up and its falling apart 61. WHAT KIND OF JELLY DO YOU LIKE ON YOUR PB & J SANDWICH?: Grape 63. CAN YOU SWIM? no 64. FAVORITE ICE CREAM? mint 65. DO YOU LIKE MAPS?: the song? :D 66. TELL ME A RANDOM FACT ABOUT YOURSELF?: i have a scar on my left knee 67. DO YOU LOVE BOOTS? Black, leather, knee-high...sweet...not those damn furry things Paris and her bitches wear...they look stupid<----brilliant answer so instead of replacing it im just going to agree whole-heartedly 68. EVER ATTEND A THEME PARTY?: Yes 69. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON?: fall/winter 70. LAST TIME YOU LAUGHED AT SOMETHING STUPID? few hours ago 71. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP THIS MORNING? 4:30ish 72. BEST THING ABOUT WINTER?: serenity 73. LAST TIME A COP GAVE YOU A TICKET?: never 75. NAME OF YOUR FIRST PET?: fuss (cat) 76. DO YOU THINK PIRATES ARE COOL OR OVERRATED?: depends on location and time period 77. WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEKEND? same thing i do every weekend, pinky....try to take over the world! *evil laugh* 78. BIRTHDATE: day i was born in 1980 79. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE? a writer 85. ARE YOU ON A LAPTOP?: not at the moment 87. ARE YOU SMILING?: no...my jaw hurts *whimper*...damn tmj 88. DO YOU HAVE ON EYELINER?: no 89. DO YOU MISS SOMEONE RIGHT NOW?: yes 90. IF YOU COULD GO ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD WHERE WOULD YOU GO?: Scotland/England... Ireland...Australia... New Zealand 91. IS BOOTS NOT THE MOST GREATEST PERSON EVER?: um...*raised eyebrow* 92. ARE YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL?: no 93. Do you have a crush?: Kate Beckinsale *sigh* 94. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NAME?: male-Kiernan (gaelic for dark warrior) female-Aislynn Keelia (gaelic for beautiful dream) 95. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BATHING SUIT?: meh 96. DOES YOUR SCHOOL START IN AUGUST?: um no 97. DID YOU GO ON VACATION LAST MONTH? um no 98. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A CRUISE?: um no 99. DO YOU HAVE A SISTER?: um no 100. ARE YOU UPSTAIRS?: um no 101. ARE YOU IN LOVE?: Yes 102. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL?: lmfao...um yes 103. DO YOU WISH YOU COULD SEE ANYONE PARTICULAR RIGHT NOW? aye 104. WHAT JEWELRY ARE YOU WEARING? silver rings and a silver watch 105. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO AFTER THIS SURVEY? yo momma :D

It is seven in the morning and im listening to Three Days Grace, wondering if I even feel a part of my family anymore. I love them, but I have always been a stranger amongst them, and I alway will be. I am a non-conformist to their way of thinking. Not in some lame attempt to rebel, but because I have always had a call from within to the path I now tread. Well, its all in the open now. And of course they are less than thrilled, but it is a relief in a way. I am going to be who I am, who I always have been. The next step in their path is up to them...

I thought I would share my three most personal poems in here just to let others learn more of the real me. To The Lady At peace with the Raven Quiet strength and a clear eye Falling into a night cloud Smiling at the goddess riding by Breathe in a deep breath Feel your skin tingle with mystery As your mind begins to float In and out of not so recent history I see you, my Lady of the Night I see you in the air that moves about me I see your approval of my decisions In the laughter on the wings With a smile of peace and devotion I send my essence up in smoke To the Lady of the Ravens As her blessing I invoke (kinda my life's theme poem...untitled) If tears are to be my water If pain is to be my bread I will partake of both of these No sustenance in death If weariness is to be my constant friend If endless battles are to be my lot If anguish is to be my life-long teacher I shall well learn the lessons taught I shall sit and learn at flame-kissed feet Who better to teach how to take the burn And I shall recompense my teachers well When at last comes the final turn A thankless pupil I dare say Is hardly unexpected And after ash and flame Once Im resurrected I will raise my head towards the heavens To face the nights fading stars And I shall sing my song of mourning That comes from wounds and scars I will sing it as long as I have breath That all might know I've cheated death Hands A touch in the darkness A scream silenced by a cold hand A mind spinning out of sanity Grasping only to a prayer that it will end But in moments hands move Up and down a body so small She cannot fight them off Hands so big from someone so tall Tears cannot release the pain From without and within As someone she should be safe in trusting Takes her everything on a whim Hands that hurt and probe and bruise Her hands flailing and useless Trying to ignore his mocking of her efforts As her freedom his hand refuses So she lays and waits and bites her lip As he moves about, around and inside her Crying and screaming in ways only she can hear Closing her mind to what she wants to be a blur Hands that rip her till she bleeds Hands that stroke her in ways that make her wish for death Hands that move to taunt her when she hopes to leave Hands that choke away her very breath Then a hand that pats her as she hears she was good The same hands, covered in her blood and innocence That open the door to leave her alone once more And all she wants are hands to hold her safe for a moment