WingTsunGirl's blog: "some thoughts...random and the like..."

"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

Can Cold Water Clean Dishes? This is for all the germ conscious folks?that worry about using cold water to clean. John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Georgia . After spending a great evening chatting the night away, John's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast. However, John noticed a film-like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, "Are these plates clean?" His grandfather replied, "They're as clean as cold water can get them. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!" For lunch the old man made hamburgers. Again, John was concerned about the plates as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked, "Are you sure these plates are clean?" Without looking up the old man said, "I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don't you fret, I don't want to hear another word about it!" Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and, as he was leaving, his grandfather's dog started to growl, and wouldn't let him pass. John yelled and said, "Grandfather, your dog won't let me get to my car". Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted ... "COLDWATER, GO LAY DOWN!!!!"

More Brain Stuff . . . From Cambridge University . O lny srmat poelpe can raed tihs. cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs psas it on !! Psas Ti ON !

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT: 1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY." 2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN." 3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS." 4. He is not "BALDING" He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION." 5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" He prefers "GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS." 6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL." 7. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" He develops a case of "RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION." 8 He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" He has "SWINE EMPATHY." 9. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" He is "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED." 10. He is not "HORNY" He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED." 11. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "REAR CLEAVAGE!"

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT: 1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN." 2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" She is "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE." 3. She is not "EASY" She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE." 4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY." 5 She has not "BEEN AROUND" She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION." 6. She is not an "AIRHEAD" She is "REALITY IMPAIRED." 7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED." 8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED." 9. She does not "NAG" you She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE." 10. She is not a "TRAMP" She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED." 11. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS" She is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR." 12. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS >> > A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The >> > sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers >> > that >> > he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down >> > the correct aisle. >> > >> > A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball >> > of string on the counter. >> > She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons >> > for your wife? >> > He answers, " You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the >> > store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of >> > tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much >> > cheaper. >> > So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.

>> > UNDERSTANDING WOMEN >> > >> > (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE) >> > I know I'm not going to understand women. >> > I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto >> > your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of >> > a >> > spider.

>> > WIFE VS. HUSBAND >> > A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a >> > word. >> > An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted >> > to concede their position. >> > As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked >> > sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" >> > "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

>> > W O R D S >> > A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a >> > day... >> > 30,000 to a man's 15,000. >> > The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat >> > everything to men... >> > The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

> >> > CREATION >> > >> > A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid >> > and so beautiful all at the same time. >> > " The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so >> > you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be >> > attracted >> > to you!