RHEY's blog: "STRESSFUL TIMES ..."

STILL MOTION Emotions flow, yet moving not I’m flown about by winds unseen, over a frothy ocean green with whitecaps reaching to the sky. There am I suspended. below the peace of mortal sleep; above the dead immortal deep. I sigh. I cannot stay aloft alone. Icy waters crash below, in formless dances as they wait: watching, reaching for my soul, they know. They wait as spinning high, then slipping low, unsteady up and down I go, unsure, unreal, not knowing why the love I feel is just a dream. I try. No real motion, yet I fly, Amidst the turmoil of goodbye her fingers grow hypnotic sounds. I hear* the pleasure of her feeling stealing high above the wet below. The tears are mine, inside. I cry. > *(our piano) ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Rhey W. Hedges, March 5, 1974

... WITHOUT YOU ... There is no pleasure in today, no way to share the ecstasy of feeling, only knowledge that I could feel; the empty certainty of intellect. That is life today, without YOU. Without YOU, Life is a terminal case of obligation; a glowing sensation, slowing in anticipation, a waning flame that flickers out of view. Drained of Dreams I linger … yearning, without YOU. Without WHO? YOU do not even need a name, the naïve game I’ve played was being needed, instead of loved. But living’s not the same without a Dream, and life’s a losing game, without YOU. Without YOU, Death is not subject to transition, but Life is a decision, no one is condemned to Life or wife. Time will pay the past and end tomorrows, without YOU. Without YOU, there is only human mortality; my end to solitary giving. The end to Spirit living, without Love. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Rhey W. Hedges, April 21, 2006

... ... DAWN In my secret world I see, YOU are all that Love can be: Spirit inspiration … Woman love sensations … Imagination’s dream come true. These happy feelings grow with YOU, inside of me; inside of me, I see I am afraid of YOU … I am afraid to feel you, filling my life. I an afraid to love you, dreaming of wife. I am afraid to need you, more than I do. I am afraid of YOU ... Inside of me, I see … I am afraid to kiss you, As the love of my life, I am afraid to want you, As my lover and wife, I am afraid to need you, I am afraid … for then, Can I live without YOU … Again? . . . N O 0 O o o o o … ! ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Rhey W. Hedges, August 23, 2005

SOLITUDE Life without Love sighing sobbing weeping wailing sad sorry sounds that don’t rhyme narrow lines sans rhythm is Death worse NO! ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Rhey W. Hedges, July 29, 2005

WHO wants to be 'next' ... ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Ms-ery Love for me has been a drag, I might as well have been a fag; Instead of short and cute and witty, I might be better off just pretty! I’ve always been a hit with girls, a wondrous trusted friend. They accepted all the Love I gave, up to the very end, when … They found a lover girl or boy, then … asked that I remain a friend. And so it went, and so it goes, first with girls, then women too, who knows what’s next in store …… for me? The only other sex I see … is Boys! But boys do not appeal as yet, and it’s unlikely that they’ll get more appealing as I age. … ‘Tho same to same is now the rage, ... I guess I’m heterosexual … I’m enthralled with girls who’re bright, not the ones who’ll spend a night delighting just biology, ideology has its place, and I must face the fact that I am more than flesh. Mind and Spirit must be served as well, … or Life is Hell. So I shall seek as mate for me, Some Ms who just has to be, A mental giant, in a luscious carriage, Who still believes in Sex and Marriage, Love ‘n Stuff. It may be rough, but less is not enough. … At last … I understand me! ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Rhey W. Hedges, June 15, 1973

... RWH DREAMS ... 1942 - 1952 ……….… Worth to fellowman, Friends and sharing, Wealth and happiness, Love and caring. 1952 – 1962 ……… Doing worthwhile things, Reason for my life, Growing wise someday, YOU, a happy wife. 1962 – 1972 …………. Marriage for all time, Passion bold and true, Love would never die, Being loved by you. ... ... 1973 ... ... ... ... ... ... Cold reality, Pierced my dreaming heart, Froze your love from me, Chilled our lives apart. 1932 – 1973 …… ‘scribe these words for me: "Dead at forty one, Dreamed of Love ‘till then, Reality won!” ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Rhey W. Hedges, May 17, 1973

THIS TIME (again) Damning me, I dream of love. imagining a love for me, dreaming you’re my love to be, hoping love incessantly, just as before. Damn me! Seeing not what might have been, not me, I dream a love that cannot be, dreaming love insistently, damning me … just as before. Damning all, that can not be, I ache to feel your love for me, hoping love is what see, hoping love impatiently, damning me … just as before. Damning me, I see and hear images imagined dear, imagined lips that disappear, imagined love I cannot touch, imagery that hurts so much; imagination endlessly, damning me … and nothing more. Damning me, the silence calls, recalling silent years I knew, silent tears and dreams for two. Now silence calls again to me, silence calls insensibly, damning me … Damning me, the silence roars. a silent roaring fascination, silencing imagination, festering anticipation, putrifying silent tears that gather in my silent ears; whispered silence, silent dreams, screaming silence, silent screams, LOUDER SILENCE than before, only silence ... ... nothing more. Forevermore? ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Rhey W. Hedges, 1978

... YOU ... ME ... WE ... US ... I feel your presence everywhere. In my Mind ... in the air. Everywhere, YOU are there. I feel our presence everywhere. In my Mind ... WE are there. Everywhere, a loving pair. I feel my presence everywhere. ME alone ... YOU're not there. Anywhere, only ME, crying there. I feel your absence everywhere. In my Mind ... in the air. Everywhere, I see YOU, crying there: for YOU; for ME; for WE; for US! ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Rhey W. Hedges, November 9, 2006

ALONE, TOGETHER We rode along beside us, going nowhere once again. It was dark just like before, and the empty place between us, like the empty space inside, still filled to overflowing with sad tears we both had cried alone, together. And we moved full empty faces as before. gazing sideways at each other hiding loving empty eyes, breathing heavy empty sighs, sharing time and place and motion, searching how to hide the feelings that had died, feeling nothingness inside. Again, alone, together. Alone. Together. To the home we almost loved in, ‘thru the doorway, nothing spoken, sharing separate rooms unmentioned. We could not fill that space: Emptiness is nothing, in every empty place. We could not hide the fullness of our empty love inside, of the vacant gaping wholeness of the love each was denied alone, together. Empty shadows brushed the walls, vague reflections of the past, twisting faces grinned tomorrow – lovely echoes died at last. And our tears still flowed together as we ran alone, together, standing fast. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Rhey W. Hedges, July 8, 1978

Darling Dawn: The Spirit part of me understands about human taboos & unconditional Love gives US the right to choose the other each day … but the selfish Human part of me feels like this … ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ HEARTBEAT! Dreaming of Love I dreamed of YOU, dark to light to dark to light, dreaming of YOU it seemed I flew, dark to light to dark to light. Curving upward then swerving down, light to dark to light to dark, soothing, sensuous, swishing sound, light to dark to light to dark. Fooled by the notion of regular motion, wooed by the wind in my face, I laughed and cried to the same emotion, unable to see that I swung in place. Dark to light and back and forth, Love swinging a pendular course, dark to light to dark to light, I soared ‘thru life a fool in flight. Declaring Love I flew and dreamed, dark to light to dark to light, caring for you I flew it seemed, dark to light to dark to light Then YOU screamed goodbye, and screamed and screamed, screaming silence in my ears; and it was dark to dark, only to dark, dark … … … … … … … … ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Rhey W. Hedges, April 23, 2006