falling out of the sky's blog: "The blogalolalog"

This week has been the most stressful time that I have ever had, even moreso than all that crap at Canisius. Tuesday, my health insurance notified me that they stopped covering me in March. (No wonder I haven't been able to fill my prescriptions.) Wednesday, I had a meeting with the director of Early Ed., which I had expecting to be about me still working with Luke next year, even though the state wants to get rid of 1:1 aides. The meeting went quite differently than I expected. The state is getting rid of 1:1 aides. However, Luke and another child are still staying on and will be getting the support they need; just not from me. The two most senior 1:1 aides have seniority priority over me. Wednesday I felt as though my heart and stomach had been grabbed and wrenched. I was devastated; I still am. Not only was that job absolutely perfect for me, I love my immediate co-workers, and I have a very very very close bond with Luke. I was offered to stay on through the summer and next year as a sub, but that schedule is unreliable. I am going to leave this summer, and work the summer at respite. As for the fall, respite is going to be opening a new nursery school program, and I'm looking into that, and will probably apply at school districts. It sucks though; I can't talk to anyone at work about it besides Wanda and Michelle. They don't want the other teachers to know about it yet. As for Luke's family, they know the change is coming, but they don't know that I will be leaving. It hurts, to have established such rapport and love for this job, only to have it be taken away because of insufficient funding because the state keeps cutting the budget. I wish people understood how important the job really is to the kids we work for and with.

My computer ate my hard drive yesterday, and my sister's computer is useless, so I won't be using that. So...until I get mine looked at, or something, I am computerless. Splendid timing, as I have about 3 papers due next week.

Some of you might've noticed I haven't actually been online much the past few days. There are two reasons for this: first, I'm dogsitting and the people took their computer with them. Second, I've been moving into an apartment, and we don't have internet right now. My computer is therefore still at home, where I obviously haven't been spending much time at lately. So, if you send me messages, or requests or shouts, it will take some time for me to get back to you.

I love that expression. Not real sure why, it's just fun hehe. But it sorta describes the last couple weeks. Let's see, for one, my paycheck next week is going to be awful. Last Monday was MLK day, and Elmcrest SPICE was closed (the special ed program). Last Wednesday I was sick and missed both Elmcrest and Casey's. I'm having to cancel Casey's on Wednesdays now, because when I got my class schedule I inverted the W to an M, and found out the hard way Monday night that class is Wednesdays. Yesterday I got sent home three hours early from Casey's cuz half the kids canceled. And now, today is a snowday!! Gah! Also, we have a huge situation with my boy at Elmcrest right now. When he got back from Florida, we discovered his left hearing aid isn't working. So that's been home, but we'd been using his right aid along with the FM system. Apparently one of my co-workers doesn't really know how things work when he leaves--we take out his aid, leaving it connected to the loopy-attacher thing that hooks to his shirt, take off the FM boot and put it on the counter, and put his aid in the case, in the backpack. Last Wednesday, when I was sick, she got him ready for the bus. She took the aid off the loop, leaving the loop on his sweater, and put the aid, with the boot, in the case and in his backpack. All of my other co-workers saw her put it in the case and in the bag. Well, his babysitter called mom that day and said the aid was nowhere to be found. So we've all been frantically looking for it, but it's vanished. We all think the sitter lost it and is covering her ass. But the worst is that his mom seems to believe her! I feel bad though; his hearing aids cost $3,000, and to replace the FM system is at least another $1,000. If we get the blame, Elmcrest will have to pay. My poor little guy was so sick yesterday. Wednesday he had a leaky eye, but it was sinus-related. Yesterday he was so unlike himself. Dona said he cried through half of therapy, and when I picked him up he just kinda lay there. Usually he's all smiles and laughs. We took his temperature, and apparently we're supposed to raise it a degree to make it more like a rectal reading. So that was 103. I took him to change him, and he was shivering, so we wrapped him all up and called his parents...at this point it was about 9. After a little while he livened up, but was still really hot; his temperature had gone up to 104, and his dad got there at 10 to take him home. Poor boy. Anyway, nothing's really new besides work and class. One of my good friends has moved to NC for a new job, and my sister's trying to talk me into rooming with her in her apartment.

I'll be on and off sporadically because for the time being I'm stuck with my parents' computer. My monitor's been going for a few months, but yesterday we had a power failure and it's not working at all now. Fought with it all yesterday afternoon. It'll be on for a split second then goes black into a shadow so I can't see anything. Frustrating, I'm ready to kill it.

Last few days have been crazy but fun. Friday I worked at respite with two teenaged girls, one who's very relaxed, and another who keeps us all running. The second one is probably 18, not really verbal, probably has a few inches and 50 pounds on me. I've worked with her before, and usually end up running after her because she runs into the kitchen and grabs food or grabs other people's food and drink. I guess Friday she wasn't feeling well, and she was at an all-new state of agitation for me, running and jumping and crying. Quickly discovered I shouldn't try to block her as she just about bowled me over at one point lol. Friday night was the Trans Siberian Orchestra concert, which was amazing. My mom and I ended up with really good seats because Ticketmaster gave us imaginary seats. But we got snowed on by a snow-maker, had a laser/light show complete with pyrotechnics. Definitely an awesome experience. Went out with my sister to look at an apartment I was interested in, but that isn't gonna work out...the potential roommates and I are worlds apart. Too bad, but I really did not see that working out. Back to the drawing board with that. My little guy was back at work today! He was gone in Florida for a month for some sort of intensive therapy. Had a great day, but the poor kid was all out of sorts. His mom didn't send in his notebook, hearing aids or put on his theratogs. It took him a little while to seem to remember a lot of us. Good news is he lasted a lot longer with toys; usually he's throwing them on the floor after 2 minutes, today he lasted about 10. He's come up with a new behavior though, hair-pulling. Could be because I forgot a hair tie, or could be because he didn't have his hearing aids to pull out. Who knows. But I'm glad he's back, I've missed my little bugger :-P

2008 has not had a good start with me. Went into work yesterday, a 45-minute drive, not realizing it was only the 2nd and I still had the day off. So I got there and turned right back around. And then halfway home on the highway someone tried to pass a truck on the right and pulled right into my car. Guess I was in his blindspot, but it still took a half hour to wait for the police and get that all straightened out. Now I have no mirror on the driver's side. Don't realize 'till it's gone how much you use it. The last couple weeks my supervisor at respite and I have been trying to rearrange my schedule because my classes changed, and both have different starting dates. We finally got it, and then one class was canceled. Now today my adviser called and added me into another class. Unfortunately it completely conflicts with my new schedule at respite. At least I don't need to work the preschool around my classes, but it's a pain in the neck to have to change my schedule every semester.

I absolutely love Divinity Destroyed, and now their newest song is amazing! This is their myspace site: http://www.myspace.com/divinitydestroyed I love the lyrics to Threshold, they apply quite nicely to my life :) Too many times I am reminded what I sow I reap Thanks for the tip but my own counsel will I keep It’s such a shame you only see as far as hope is high If only you could see what I’ve seen with your eyes Choke down that advice reflex And we’ll all get by just fine Tuck back the pearls of wisdom Or you’ll feel a piece of my mind Who are you to tell me what is right? You listen close It’s my fucking life I’ll let the rain fall where it may How many dreams have you erased? So far between and few And I wonder why the world got the best of you Feel free to disagree but you’ll just be a brick in my wall So take me as I am or don’t take me at all Choke down that advice reflex And we’ll all get by just fine Tuck back the pearls of wisdom Or you’ll feel a piece of my mind Who are you to tell me what is right? You listen close It’s my fucking life I’ll let the rain fall where it may Too late to think of stopping now I can’t give up I don’t know how I will not live and die a slave Have I always been wrong? Maybe just maybe I don’t belong Am I lost in the deep? Maybe just maybe I’ll stay asleep I do not want to wake up from this Save me And now I realize the dream was never like it seemed What’s there to wake up from when it’s all real to me?

The last entry was before the start of the new school year, and I was fairly nervous about the kid I was going to be working with. Now, we're almost two months in, and things are going pretty well. He's certainly a challenge, with being nonverbal and physically disabled. Add to that a hearing loss and the terrible threes and I've got my hands full lol. He turned three the second week of school, and since then has held fast to the terrible threes stage. The last couple weeks have been quite an experience, for a while I was the main target for biting and behaviors like hitting, pinching and pulling out his hearing aids; I've gotten to be an expert in putting those back in his ears. We took a field trip to a pumpkin farm, where I really got acquainted with the notion of carrying a 30-pound three year old around on my hip all day in a sling. I'm getting pretty good at holding him and bending to get things. He has a new therapeutic device called Theratogs, a little suit that pulls his legs apart to walk and increases upper body tone. The bad part is it takes 30 minutes to put him in it, I have to teach everyone else in the room how to change him because it has to be disassembled, and now changing requires two people and fifteen minutes. Oh well, as long as it's benefiting him I shouldn't complain. We've been experimenting with his walker, and he performs great with the PT, but with me he's lazy and pushes himself off on his toes. His mom got him the perfect Halloween costume: a skunk, with "Little Stinker" on the butt lol.

School starts again tomorrow, and I'm more nervous than when I started back in March-- and then I didn't even know anything about my kid! I'm starting with a small knowledge base this time, and my anxiety's acting up. At least with my last kid, he was on the very low key end of the autism spectrum, and I'd worked with kids with autism before. This little guy is completely new to me in about every aspect. He's also nonverbal, but doesn't use pictographs. If he doesn't like something, he bites and head-butts. New to me, I'm used to screaming and self-abusive behaviors. And his mom is going to be there tomorrow. I wouldn't mind so much except that being under observation is very very stressful to me. Bleh. In any case, tomorrow will be fun with 13 kids in the class, 9 of which are completely new to us. I start my classes Thursday, and Tuesday I start my training for the respit program. Should be a good time, and I turn 23 Monday :)