FaRmDiVa FM2 TaLLBoYRoN's blog: "The thoughts of FarmDiva"

Changes in life are very tough right now for me; people who know me well know I have raised 4 children. I have raised them on my own 2 whom are naturally mine and I also took custody of my sisters two children  11 yrs ago. My twenties and thirties have been dedicated to raising children and I honestly know nothing else.
Last year I survived stage 3 uterine and ovarian cancer and went through months of radiation and chemo therapy which in return damaged my kidneys. I had one removed in May and now have one that is functioning at 50%. In everything I have been through nothing was as hard as the experience I had today dropping my son off to start basic training. 
I can not begin to express how much joy and love I have experienced being surrounded by these 4 unique individuals.  My life would not be what it is today without them! But right now I have a lot of personal anger. I have spent 20 yrs raising children, giving them everything and now it feels like I have nothing left. They call it empty nest and the term is spot on. The tears I have shed the past to weeks have been hard and from within. I mean when they become adults you can not even stop them from leaving. I sit back and pray I have installed the correct values that they stay strong, make good decisions, and make a lifetime of happiness for themselves. 
It’s a sad time for me, but I know now that it is my time, but I will be honest I have no idea what I am going to do with myself from here on out. Boring yes but I am being completely honest! 
To my son Nick I am so proud of you, it’s been amazing! I am blessed for every hour I spent watching baseball and football games. Being there for his 1st broken bone and skin knee, 1st girlfriend, homecoming, prom est. I loved all of the unforgettable moments you have share with your Mama and I hope I expressed my thankfulness enough through grace and my faithfulness of being a parent. 
Stay strong, be smart, have faith and know when you are lonely your Mama is always here in spirit cheering you on! I am your biggest fan and you are going to make a great soldier! I look forward to saluting you at your graduation and thanking you for your serviced time and time again. 
Thank-you for my vent! Farm Diva (Brooke)