Oreo1StrangeCookie's blog: "THINGS FOR TODAY"

I only saw you for a moment today and you asked what was wrong. I didn't want to say anything cause I was afaird of what you would think. Then you begged me you told me you were my friend and that's when I said I know and that's all you'll ever be my friend. At that moment you understood what I was saying. I then told you how I didn't want to say anything and feel stupid. If you could've you would put your arm around me and said it was fine.I knew if I told you you wouldn't tell me what I wanted to hear. You tried to explain that it would all be fine and it would take time and go away. I smiled and put a brave front as I said my goodbye I tried so hard not to break right there. I waited till now and began to cry I'm still crying now as I write this. Knowing you have no idea what I'm going through.

You will probably never read this but I don't care I have to let this out. I sit here and know I may never see you even though we talk everyday by phone but your so far away. You are such a good friend I have told you things I would never tell anyone else. When I was scared and frighten you told me it would be fine. You lectured me when I didn't want it and advice me even though it would make me angry sometimes. In the end you could always make me smile when I felt at my worst. We are after all just friends and that is what I promised we would only be friends but I find myself so confused lately. I dont know what it is or maybe I do and dont want to accept it. Maybe I just care much more then I think I do. I know your trying to find love with someone close by and everyday I encourge you. That she's out there and you will find her even though I find myself smiling on the outside my heart is breaking on the inside. You do the same for me telling me he's out there to go out and find him but sometimes I think I already have. As I sit here and hope it's just a crush that I'll get over it. I can't help but shed a few tears because I wished so hard for someone like you only to have you so out of reach. Knowing that one day you really are going to find her and it's not going to be me. Why is it you always want what you can't have even though you're willing to fight for it with all your heart.

I couldn't believe it I felt so numb when she asked me the ultimate question how are you and the cowboy doing? She was having problems in her own relationship with my cousin and was asking me for advice. Of all ppl she was asking me like I have such a great record with men. I looked at her and realized that the cowboy and I had been over for a little over 4 months now. As for the rest of the guys I had kicked them to the curb. So I sat there and told her look whatever happens happens for a reason. I found myself qouteing every comment I had recieved or sent to my friends as advice.I told her also that no matter what to keep in touch with me that we were friends after all she had been with my cousin a little more then 5 yrs hell we were family. As I looked down at my cigerette I then told her look the cowboy came back from where ever he was and said he didn't want a relationship with me. The last guy turned out to be married and as for my ex well you know that story you were here when it happened. She looked at me and smiled and said I wish I was like you you know. I looked at her and said Yeah I know it's hard being me. I don't like being single and hate being alone period but that doesn't mean I going to put up with bullshit. I'd rather be alone and unhappy and be with someone whose the reason I'm unhappy. I looked around the room and saw all her bags packed and wondered was this really the end of thier relationship or just a bump in the rode. It wasn't the first time they had broken up. Hell I remember playing that game with my ex until finally I opened my eyes well actually he opened them for me by the things he did. The drugs, the drinking and then he started getting a little to rough. That was it I left him. He was shocked because I never left him he always left me. So he thought we would get back together. We never did he still calls me once in ahwile drunk off his ass from he's baby's momma phone and I ignore it. The last time I saw him He told me" I can't believe it you really ment it when you said you'd never be with me again." I smiled and said I told you I wasn't like the other girls. In which he responded looking at his baby's momma saying "I know." So I got up from where I was sitting and told her I was going home but I'd be back to check on her later. As I walked home I started thinking I had become numb to everything that had happened to me this past year. I hadn't thought once about the cowboy or the married guy or my ex. I hadn't even realized I was finally left alone and I was kinda happy. Kinda because even though I am strong for leaving the ex, the married guy, I became weak when the cowboy left me for only a moment I felt that way. When I got home I had a good cry I finally felt something I wasn't numb anymore my heart was finally breaking and it was bleeding. It was like waking up from a dead sleep, like walking out of the fog like a clear spot on a cloudy day. I realized it was okay to be hurt it was okay to cry it meant I was only human. I was through being numb because you may get hurt sometimes but once you learn to accept it you can begin to heal.

Okay i did the most dumbest thing the other day i left my cellphone on top of my moms car. I was running late for work and trying to get my nephew in the car seat in a hurry. My cell phone was falling out of my pocket. So i put my cellphone on the roof. Mind you i was juggling the kid my purse the phone and trying to open the door and put him in the car seat. Well once i got that settled got in the car and took off. Next thing i know this trucker is honking and honking at me. I'm looking at him like what? He's doing the phone thing with his hand and pointing at me. At first I'm like wtf is this dude telling me to call him or something. So i look at him like what???. And he starts pointing and doing the hand phone gesture. I'm like I don't know what this dude wants. Then i really look at him and read his lips he says my cell phone is on the roof. I'm Like oh shit. So we pull over and there it is my cell phoneI'm like omg. I was so lucky that it didn't fall off or get run over. I would of had to pay another 200.00 to get another phone. So who ever you are thank you so much. Next time I'll just put the damn thing in my purse.

hey all well work has sucked really bad lately and unfortunately it also has been messing with my personal life very badly so i'm about to be jobless due to problems i can't ignore anymore which means i might not have internet for awhile but my friends i will try to keep in touch with all my friends i will try to check in from time to time as for now i'm going to enjoy what time i have left on here much love to all my friends.

glitter-graphics.com thanks to all my new friends who added me just showing you all some love

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Been busy working having been on here much but i guess with a promotion comes more work. Just wanted to let all my fubar friends know i haven't forgotten you i still think about you guys everyday.

Well after being at my place of work for about 8 yrs I'm finally getting a promotion. Starting next week it will be official I will Be THE MANAGER. It's kinda funny though cause the only thing that will be different is that I'm making the job schedule and have just a little more say then usual. I'm a little nervous and a little excited so wish be luck cause I'm in it for the long run. Next step own my own video store.

Okay I'm so too nice to say this to someone face but I'll try to make it humorus so it won't be so bad. It's just something I have to get off my chest.:) Okay I'm always asked by friends family and guys off the net. What are you looking for in a guy? What do I say? Nothing I try to avoid the question like the plauge. Try to ignore it like that one friend you keep running into. You know the one none of you and your friends like but yet you dont want to be the asshole who says,"Fuck Off". I ignore the question becuase the fact is I know what I want and when I find it I'll know. Because what I'm looking for is not your ordinary guy. At least I would like to think so. He's going to be that one of the kind guy the one who stops me in my tracks when I'm walking down the street. The guy who distracts me when I'm in the middle of a conversation. What kinda guy you ask? Well You know those guys that spend so much time at the gym or the ones you see on the wrestling circut. Those kinda guys that have more muscles then brains. Which I must admit that is a stereotype. Cause if that were true I would be dating one right now. Cause he wouldn't have the brains to know not to date the BBW. Which Is another sterotype Am I right to those BBW who know what I'm talking about. I just Love those Vin Diesel, Goldberg, Batista, John Cena muscle type. Those are the guys that get my attention and the only guys that do. Trust me I've had your average joe hit on me with a vengence all it does is make me frown and thin WTF does this dumbass want. Of course when it hits me It's like "awww poor thing. I'll be your friend." Which is the guys worst nightmare. I've meet me share of nice guys and been hit on by your average joe but I just don't feel that attraction to them. I have many guy friends for the fact that the spark wasn't there. The Spark wasn't there cause there's no attraction. I know many of you are saying your going for the looks and not what's inside. If I did that I wouldn't have any friends. Cause I got some but ugly friends. I'm joking my friends are great I think everyone is great and they are beautiful in there own way. Hell I'm beautiful in my own way also. I know my mom constantly tells me, "You are never going to find a man like that and even if you ever do you wouldn't know what to do with him.You'd be scared." I smile and say,"Oh I know what to do with him but you don't need to know about that." So if I'm doomed to be single for the rest of my life cause I'm picky. Then so be it cause I know what I want and I won't settle for less. Because if that skinny Bitch Barbie can get it. So Can I damn it.

Well today was a typical day at work. I was completly bored at work today. For those of you that know me locally you know where I work for those of you that don't I work at my local video store. NO!! it't not a porn store even though we do sell such things. I guess it was the weather that brought the wild side out in some people. It was a busy day for the porn room. It was raining all day. At least the roof wasn't leaking well it was but not where anyone could see. I spent my day at work wondering what to do. Well I had things to do but with the way the weather was it was more of a day for daydreaming. Which is what I did. I usually take my mp3 to work and connect it to the tv to jam out. Unfortunatly my batteries were dead so i opted for movies. Movies I have seen over and over. I have a few memorized lines but hey who doesn't, right? I can't seem to get enough of the movie The Producers. After work I came home and hung out with my nieces they were fighting as usual and I had to but in. It's all good for now at least. Well now here I am typing this blog. It's a cold rainy night the perfect night for a horror movie.