XaviRoseMaiden's blog: "thinking , reflecting"

If you are the one .. 

 you have to prove it  to me .. 

 have to want something .. so much more then what u see with your eyes .. 

and not only what you feel with your heart but what you feel with your soul .. 

This world is such a confusing place for love , to exist .. the world is full of deciet and lies .. 

This world is full of people who don't know what they want ... 

Such is a cruel journey of finding ones true soulmate ... 

It's hard to think they would ever give up on you if they were your soulmate ...

But love isn't perfect either .. 

Beauty is so many things , in this life it seems like we only focus on the person , but beauty is everywhere and in everything , but only see it when you appreciate it . To understand beauty you must expereince it , You feel it its a passion for life. Art , Love and Music all other arts go together. We are in an age were anyone can themselves an Artist, a poet  etc .. But truly there are far less then most people believe. True Artists don't always like to show thier work . they don't think its good enough sometimes or they don't hunger the fame or noteriety that can come from that position. So Many an Artist died without a penny to ther name . They gave everything away to the ones they loved.s a j

You cannot be an Artist without a persistant to improve. One time succeding isn't enough. It is a quest for a lifetime .Being a photography today in the age of Iphone i see this everyday.. your iphone doesnt make u an amazing photographer. it is just a device sorry to burst your bubble . On the other hand if an already amazing photographer uses an iphone his pictures will be great.

This generation is losing its apreciation for true art .. and it gobbles everything that comes it is path and calls it Art , and them Artists.

It is sad that most people can recall the name of a famous person faster then they  can recall the name of a good book to share , or a great Artist , or anything of value to themselves.

It makes me wonder what and who the next generation will be inpsired by. I truly hope it won't just be celebrites and tv turned reality stars.but i rather fear it will be. this Generation is so much a look at me generation, an envy me generation.  

he called to say he had another heart attack today .. 

i didn't really know what to say 

i was in shock i guess .. it all didnt seem real 

 i didnt know how to feel 

He told he like we shoot get to shoot till like julyish .. 

but i didnt really care much about that .. 

i cared about him living to see another day .. 

he cared about him having time to do things he wanted before he dies.. 

what a day i say .. i got some of my friends to pray ... 

not just but fb too . it felt like it was at least something i could do ... 

wishing him the best .. and keeping him in my prayers 

Sometimes i feel 

so much .. 

Sometimes i feel so lost .. 

Sometimes i feel so mad !

Sometimes i feel so sad .. 

Sometimes i wonder how my heart still works .. and manages to love again 

it's been broken so many times .. but it always seems to mend .. 

Sometimes i walk my own path , and sometimes i walk alone .. 

Sometimes i listen to music , to understand my pain , to understand my journey .. 

I have so much love in my heart for others , sometimes it almost feels like it will burst .. 

And sometimes when i fall in love its head over heeels first .. 

The heart is much a precious muscle .. It alaways has things to say .. the mind is the practical part of you .. 

But when in love they don't always seem to listen to each other .. 

This is why you can so smart with IQ but in love but so blind .. (we are all guilty of this sometimes)

It's almost like you can't find anything wrong with someone while its new .. while fresh .. 

and as the times goes on you start to see thier mistakes thier flaws ... 

But love binds you to each other .. love tries to see past all that .. Love is so amazing .. and there are so many different kinds of love .. 

I love my jesus .. I love my daughter so much i can't even say in words....I love my brothers and my sisters from back home , i love my friends from fitchburg , i love my brothers and sisters in the church and i love my family away from home .. i love my adopted famiy .. I just love ... 

I won't hate .. to won't try to hurt to harm .. to won't try to evenge those who hurt me .. Life is its own Karma .. 

My best revenge to all those who wish me bad is to have an awesome life ! 

How do you know a good man , when u see one  

is it in his eyes ? in his smile, in his heart ? 

You might of already meet him .. 

he treats you like gold .. 

His friendship is amazing .. 

His words are true to his actions 

But remember noone is perfect , we all have our faults.. 

I'm sick of hearing how there are no men out there .. 

or no good women too .. 

there's so many good people out there .. 

it's just people get hurt and some get hurt more then others .. 

some can forgive easily and some can't .. 

and of course thier are people who hurt others for thier own enjoyment .. 

Good Men are out there , i know quite a few of them , they have good hearts and good souls . 

U hear so many stories of people with heart breaks here .. and in two years and change ive had quite of my own lil fu heart hearks but that doesn't mean im going to stop loving or trusting everyone , it just means we have to be careful who we let close .. sometimes we get hurt and we can stronger from it. but it's not always easy.

Shall i be the foregner tonight ? 

the one to be asked so many questions .. about the place where im orignally from .. 

shall i play the student ? shall pretend not to speak englishto lead them all astray .. 

shall i fake an american for the whole night just to not stand out ? 

shall i be brave and take the hit .?.. 

be nice and smile even though ive heard the same joke a million times over ? 

hmm shall i be the foreignor tongiht 

or can i just be me ?

Flying home , 

seeing my homeland from the sky ... 

seeing it all again before i die.. 

looking the trees and clouds ... 

seeing everything i knew from so long ago .. 

hearing things again i used to hear all the time 

being reconnected to the land and the spirit of it , 

being reconnected to who i am as a Australian 

It was so strange feeling liek a tourist in my own country 

after being away so very long .. 

it was so strange having more friends here then i did back home ... 

it was so lovely seeing my brothers, my sisters my sunts , my uncles my cousins .. 

its funny how u miss them bugging you .. when your family is usually so far away .. 

it was funny feeling like family again , i didn't even always know what to say ... 

it was funny feeling loved , loved each and every day .. 

it was so funny feeling so out of place .. 

Next time i will make it better , next time i will do more .. i'll have a plan i'll set in in almost stone .. 

whenever is it the next timei  go home .. 

i hope its not for a sad reason that i have to fly ... 

each time i leave my aussie family many many tears i cry .. 

each time i leave them ... i feel like im ripped into two part of my soul stays there with them ... 

and part goes back on the plane .. back to the land i call home for now .. and into the unforseeable future..

Growing up , 

good bye fairyfales , 

good bye believing everyone is good 

good  bye to that cosy lil world .. with sheltered walls 

hello to bills , and thrills .. 

hello to responsibility 

good bye to going out so much 

hello to staying in ... 

good bye to most of my foolish desires 

hello to politics 

 hello to trying to understand humanity .. 

hello to trying to understand me 

to having questions to things i cannot answer .. 

and understanding things i cannot see ..

growing up is interesting phenonomeon

sometimes you feel like your growing older .. 

and sometimes you feel like a kid at heart 

sometimes you want to revive old memories .. 

sometimes you want to make new ones 

Life such as canvas ... 

We must decide on how will paint on it !

Another year is almost over , and i still remember the sunshine , the smiles .. the way you guys looked at me like i was family .. i was at home .. there was nothing i could do to not belong ... you guys saw the best and the worst of me .. And it ripped my heart open to leave , and it ripped my heart open to stay .. there was no way i could leave my daughter , when i promised her id be back , there was no way i could sleep at night knowing she wasn't there in my arms .. My family told me to stay but i really had no choice but to leave ..i had to finish this thing for once and for all . And now my ex is finally out of my heart in most ways . hes a friend and the father of my daughter , but i know hes not the one for me , and im not the one for him .. and lifes goes on .. we turn over so many rocks trying to fighting youll ge the right one .. theres so much much in the saying that once u start stop looking they will find you ...well im tired of looking tired of putting myself out there im just going to live my life . one step at a time .. love doesnt drift away ... love remains ... and theres nothing you can do to change it .. 

So here i here again waiting for chirstmas to come , im making sure im not alone for the holidays .. cause its such a sucky time to be alone . i'll be with friends and family , especially my lil girl .. and that is so precious .. i got her back . now i just have to do everything within my power to keep her .. and raise her the best i can so she can go out into theworld again ... 

time is a strange thing , sometimes it seems like its fliying and sometimes it seems like its saying still .. but it never stops .. it never pauses no matter what happens , kind of like the ocean .. and if you don't keep swimming it drags u under... 

Kindness 

is not just a thing , kindness is a way of way of life , 

being able to smile at a sad stranger , being able to pick up someones keys when they fall .. , 

kindness is caring for one another , and treating each other equally  no matter what thier position or title is in life .

we are all the same , and yet some of us judge others like they better somehow ... 

with the belief that they deserve more then others ... just because of who they are ... 

but its the people that still work hard , love thier families and friends , aquanitances , which are happier by far ... 

they may not have much in terms of monetary goods .. but neither do they deisire or crave it the way others do .. 

is money a means to an end .. or like your best friend ? 

If you had money would would you share ?, if you had money would you care ? 

would you something to give back to those less unfortunate or would keep it , spend it on yourself or save ever last penny and die with money still left behind ?