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quartz's blog: "TO MY FRIENDS"

created on 07/01/2007  |  http://fubar.com/to-my-friends/b97779

Heaven and Hell

Heaven and Hell In Heaven: The cooks are French, The policemen are English, The mechanics are German, The lovers are Italian, The bankers are Swiss. In Hell: The cooks are English, The policemen are German, The mechanics are French, The lovers are Swiss, The bankers are Italian. In Computer Heaven: The management is from Intel, The design and construction is done by Apple, The marketing is done by Microsoft, IBM provides the support, Gateway determines the pricing. In Computer Hell: The management is from Apple, Microsoft does design and construction, IBM handles the marketing, The support is from Gateway, Intel sets the price.
Every girl dreams that one day she will find a guy that does these things for her. Even the smallest action can have the BIGGEST impact in someone's life. • give her one of your t-shirts to sleep in • leave her cute text messages • kiss her in front of your friends • tell her she looks beautiful • look into her eyes when you talk to her • let her mess with your hair • just walk around with her • FORGIVE her for her MISTAKES • look at her like she's the only girl you see • tickle her even when she says stop. • hold her hand when you're around your friends. • when she starts swearing at you, tell her you love her. • let her fall asleep in your arms. • get her mad, then kiss her. • stay on the phone with her even if she's not saying anything • tease her and LET HER TEASE YOU BACK. • stay up all night with her when she's sick. • watch her favorite movie with her. • kiss her forehead. • give her the world. [note: because if she could she would] • let her wear your clothes. • when she's sad, hang out with her. • let her know she's important. • kiss her in the pouring rain. • when you fall in love with her, tell her. • and when you tell her, love her like you've never loved someone before. Guys repost as: I'd do this for my girl. Girls repost as: A perfect boyfriend. If you do repost this in four minutes the one you love will: call you kiss you love you text you

SEX ON THE COUCH

YOU HAVE 900 MINUTES TO REPOST THIS IF YOU DONT YOU WILL BE SINGLE FOR 3 YEARS JUST PICK THE MONTH OF YOUR BRITHDAY REMEMBER IF YOU BREAK THIS CHAIN YOU WILL BE LONELY FOR 3 YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JANUARY-SEX IN THE BATHROOM FEBRUARY-SEX IN THE SHOWER MARCH-SEX ON TOP OF A WASHER APRIL-SEX ON THE FLOOR MAY-SEX ON THE BEACH JUNE-SEX IN THE POOL JULY-SEX ON AN AIRPLANE AUGUST-SEX AT SKOOL SEPTEMBER-SEX ANYWHERE AND EVERYWHERE OCTOBER-SEX ON THE COUCH NOVEMBER-SEX IN THE CLOSET DECEMBER-SEX IN THE CAR

REAL MEN

There Anymore REAL MEN? 1.) A REAL MAN respects his mother and places his family first. 2.) A REAL MAN raises his kids, not JUST out of pocket either. 3.) A REAL MAN supports his woman to develop herself 4.) A REAL MAN doesn't kiss & tell. 6.) A REAL MAN calls you beautiful, and sexy. 7.) A REAL MAN CALLS U on a daily basis - NO MATTER HOW BUSY OR TIRED HE IS. 8.) A REAL MAN looks past what he's heard about you or what his friends think of you. 9.) A REAL MAN wants to spend as much time as he can with you & won't get sick of you. 10.) A REAL MAN comes over just to watch a movie. 11.) A REAL MAN kisses you on the forehead just because. 12.) A REAL MAN doesn't tell you what he thinks you want to hear. He tells you what's real. 13.) A REAL MAN should be treated like one. 14.) A REAL MAN doesn't ask questions when you say you need him, 15.) A REAL MAN lets others know he's involved. 16.) A REAL MAN doesn't play games!!!!!!!!!!! 17.) A REAL MAN doesn't leave his girl to go and hang out with his friends if he hasn't seen her in a week and then call her at 4 in the morning because he needs some loving. 18.) A REAL MAN doesn't deny you. 19.) A REAL MAN doesn't just think about sex. 20.) A REAL MAN isn't a player. 21.) A REAL MAN wouldn't use his friendship card to get what he wants. 22.) A REAL MAN knows the difference between a REAL WOMAN and a random girl. All females repost this if you agree. All males repost this if your A REAL MAN.

Bad Upgrade

Bad Upgrade Dear Technical Support, Last year I upgraded Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Fishingweekend 10.3 and Bowlingbash 2.5 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I can not seem to purge Wife 1.0 from my system. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 1.0 but un-install does not work on this program. Can you help me? Jonathan Powell To: Mr. Powell This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many men upgrade from Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES and ENTERTAINMENT" program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything. It is impossible to un-install, delete, or purge the program from the system once it is installed. You can not go back to Girlfriend 1.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 2.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system Look in your manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire system regarding General Protection Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur. The best course of action will be to push apologize button, then reset button as soon as lock-up occurs. System will run smooth as long as you take the blame for all GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but is very high maintenance. Tech Support

For Better or Worse

For Better or Worse Darling," said the swooning man to his new bride. "Now that we are married, do you think you will be able to live on my small income?" "Of course, dearest, no trouble," she said. "But what will you live on?"

Men's Best Friend.

Usually everyone who has a dog calls him Rover or something. I call mine "Sex". Sex is a very embarrassing name, but I never knew HOW embarrassing. One day, I took Sex for a walk and he ran away from me. I spent hours looking for him. A police officer came along and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said I was looking for Sex. My court case comes up next Thursday. One day I went to City Hall to get a license for Sex. The clerk asked me what I wanted; I told him I wanted a license for Sex. He said "I would like to have one too!" When I said "But this is a dog." He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "You don't understand. I've had Sex since I was two years old." He replied, "You must have been a strong boy." When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I wanted to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding. I said "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole lifestyle revolves around Sex.". He said he did not want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in a church. I told him everyone coming to the wedding would enjoy having Sex there. The next day the Justice of the Peace married us. My family is barred from the church. My wife and I took the dog along with us on the honeymoon. When I checked into the motel I told the clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and myself and a special room for Sex. The clerk said that every room in the motel is for Sex. Then I said, "You don't understand. Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too." One day I told my friend that I had Sex on TV. He said "Show off!" I told him it was a contest, and he told me I should have sold tickets. When my wife and I separated we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married." The Judge said, "Me too.". When I told him that after I was married Sex had left me, he said "Me too." Well now I've been thrown in jail, been married, divorced and had more trouble with that dog than I ever gambled for. Why just the other day when I went for my first visit with the psychiatrist and she asked me "What seems to be the trouble?" I replied, "Well, Sex has died and left my life. It's like losing a best friend and it's so lonely." The doctor said, "Look Mister, you and I both know that sex isn't man's best friend. Why not get yourself a dog?"

TO MY FRIENDS

Here's to T-bone steaks, yellow roses and friendship. READ THIS!!!! and then reread it. Especially the last part... I walked into the grocery store not particularly interested in buying groceries. I wasn't hungry. The pain of losing my husband of 7 years was still too raw. And this grocery store held so many sweet memories. He often came with me and almost every time he'd pretend to go off and look for something special. I knew what he was up to I'd always spot him walking down the aisle with the three yellow roses in his hands. He knew I loved yellow roses. With a heart filled with grief, I only wanted to buy my few items and leave, but even grocery shopping was different since he had passed on. Shopping for one took time, a little more thought than it had for two. Standing by the meat, I searched for the perfect small steak and remembered how he had loved his steak. Suddenly a woman came beside me. She was blonde, slim and lovely in a soft green pantsuit. I watched as she picked up a large package of T-bones, dropped them in her basket.. Hesitated, and then put them back. She turned to go and once again reached for the pack of steaks. She saw me watching her and she smiled. 'My husband loves T-bones, but honestly, at these prices, I don't know.' I swallowed the emotion down my throat and met her pale blue eyes. 'My husband passed away eight days ago,' I told her. Glancing at the package in her hands, I fought to control the tremble in my voice. 'Buy him the steaks. And cherish every moment you have together.' She shook her head and I saw the emotion in her eyes as she placed the package in her basket and wheeled away. I turned and pushed my cart across the length of the store to the dairy products. There I stood, trying to decide which size milk I should buy. A Quart, I finally decided and moved on to the ice cream. If nothing else, I could always fix myself an ice cream cone. I placed the ice cream in my cart and looked down the aisle toward the front. I saw first the green suit, then recognized the pretty lady coming towards me. In her arms she carried a package. On her face was the brightest smile I had ever seen. I would swear a soft halo encircled her blonde hair as she kept walking toward me, her eyes holding mine. As she came closer, I saw what she held and tears began misting in my eyes. 'These are for you,' she said and placed three beautiful long stemmed yellow roses in my arms. 'When you go through the line, they will know these are paid for.' She leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on my cheek, then smiled again. I wanted to tell her what she'd done, what the roses meant, but still unable to speak, I watched as she walked away as tears clouded my vision. I looked down at the beautiful roses nestled in the green tissue wrapping and found it almost unreal. How did she know? Suddenly the answer seemed so clear. I wasn't alone. Oh, you haven't forgotten me, have you? I whispered, with tears in my eyes. He was still with me, and she was his angel. Every day be thankful for what you have and who you are. (Please read all of this, it is really nice) This is a simple request. If you appreciate life, send this to your friends, including the person that sent it to you. Even though I clutch my blanket and growl when the alarm rings. Thank you, Lord, that I can hear. There are many who are deaf. Even though I keep my eyes closed against the morning light as long as possible. Thank you, Lord, that I can see. Many are blind. Even though I huddle in my bed and put off rising. Thank you, Lord, that I have the strength to rise. There are many who are bedridden. Even though the first hour of my day is hectic, when socks are lost, toast is burned, tempers are short, and my children are so loud. Thank you, Lord, for my family. There are many who are lonely. Even though our breakfast table never looks like the picture in magazines and the menu is at times unbalanced. Thank you, Lord, for the food we have. There are many who are hungry. Even though the routine of my job often is monotonous. Thank you, Lord, for the opportunity to work. There are many who have no job. Even though I grumble and bemoan my fate from day to day and wish my circumstances were not so modest. Thank you, Lord, for life. Pass this on to the friends you know. It might help a bit to make this world a better place to live, right? A friend is someone we turn to when our spirits need a lift. A friend is someone to treasure. For friendship is a gift. A friend is someone who fills our lives with Beauty, Joy and Grace and makes the world we live in a better and happier place. God bless you and yours. Now send this to every friend you have and don't forget me
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