Here we goooooo.....

Well then.....

If they criticize your driving, look them straight in the eye while you turn their airbag off.

The differance between flirting and sexual harrassment ... If you're attrative, it's flirting.

Seven years oh this site. I have no life! LOL

For once I’d like to get kicked into a bar!!!

A word to the wise isn't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.

Whoever is controlling me sucks at this game.

Sometimes my attention span is shorter than a..... gold fish crackers are delicious!

Why is it called Boob Sweat and not Humiditties?

I think I'm approaching my "best if used by" date

If you want something done right, hire a professional....unless it's a hooker. For some reason thats wrong.

I ordered some bubble wrap online. It arrived in a box surrounded by packing peanuts.

I will admit, my statuses sound a bit different when read aloud by the prosecuting attorney.

I remember being able to get up without making sound effects. Good times.

I hope when I die, it's early in the morning so I don't go to work that day for no reason.

Breaking News: Viagra shippment stolen... Cops are looking for a gang of hardened criminals.

Patience is what I have when there are too many witnesses.

I'm out of bacon. This is my suicide note.

Just picked the remote up off the floor with my feet while lying on the couch, so I guess today was leg day...