Everybody’s has a boyfriend or a girlfriend and I’m just like...“I love food”.

Alcoholism is a thief of health, mental sanity, and human dignity...sounds like alcoholics have a lot in common with parents, guardians, and teachers... ;)

Pah-tueey! You need to know when to stop when eating a Popsicle...the stick tastes terrible.

Sometimes "sex" is a four letter word. Which one did you choose?

"Freedom costs a buck o' five..."

HURRY! EXCLUSIVE OFFER: Buy one pointless comment and receive another free of charge! Don't worry about acting fast--there's plenty of stupidity in this world for everyone.

What would YOU do for a Klondike Bar?

When I was a kid, I used to think I could "hide" the best...until I realized that everybody just forgot to "seek" me.

My whatamacallit in my sphincter block is cabuzzled...taking a short respite to fix the hubalu in my gorgoncha sector.

Oh crap...I just fell into the "Bog of Eternal Stench!"--Where's David Bowie when you need him?

Holy shit! He popped my ass pillow!

It's 7p.m....Have you self-completed today?

***BREAKING NEWS*** "This just in...Baileaf--a member of the on-line community of "fubar"--will be updating his status on April 21st...more when the news repeats everything it reported at 6pm at 11pm."

What's on your mind damn status box, huh? You keep asking me every darn day, "What's on my mind!" What about yours? What's in that long rectangular box of yours, huh?

I did (add activity here) today at (add place here) and it was a (add non-specific adjective here). I feel so (add non-specific emotion here)!

That John Denver is full of shit!