3428401's blog: "What lies beneathe"

So I've been posting a lot of blogs lately. I guess I have alot on my mind. Especially with my husband gone. I have seen people throw me away a lot recently, although, I have made some other friends, that have made me feel way more important than the others ever did. It is sad,  the way the world works. The greediness we see even on a computer. I appreciate everyone that has bombed me or rated me these past couple of days. Even if it has been for your own benifit. Thank you for opening my page and doing so. When i am feeling up to rating ...I will return the favor, that I promise. Until my son is out of the hospital, I doubt I feel like doing much of anything but talking to people that care. I am sad that a lot of you have abandoned me, but it is ok. We all make our own paths, I can't make anyone want me in theirs. And if they don't, it is only that person missing out on a true friend. Goodnight people..Hope you are happy in your choices and content in your life.

Are people born with a selfish gene? Are they also born with a lieing one? Because I am seeing so much, even some of the people I thought cared about me, really only care about what they get and that's it. Just because you level to god knows what does not make you some king or queen. I have helped out so many people. As I lay here, with my son in a hospital, my back fractured, and now a fucking tumor...awaiting a trail for someone that tried to kill me, I see no one has really given a fuck to help me or do ANYTHING nice for me unless I do something for them. It seems as if I should be like everyone else and ask for things when I do things for people, because what hurts the most...is after I help...and show how much I care...I get stopped talking to. Look around on your list of friends. See who is mooching off you...and that you help , and thinks deserve it? Only from very few people have I got any type of email about my son...mostly by women. The rest are to busy thinking fubar is some kind of fucking Heaven and they need to be God to give a fuck about the feelings of people in serious pain. If you dont have a fucking heart, why are you on my list. Get the fuck off it. Seriously. I don't need anyone else using me...or hinting they need something and me helping and then them not even barely speak to me. Thank you...for all the non help I have recieved by those that I so desperately tried to be nice to...and have helped get so far. I wouldnt care...but the fact that i get thrown away as a friend after i do something, is a little much. And if you think this is about you, it probably is. It is about more than ONE person. it is tons..of non caring selfish assholes. I have a rl...like everyone else..but i also have a REAL HEART...and do not wish to be used...if you dont want to do shit for me fine, you have proven it. but dont falsely say you are some friend...when you are nothing more than someone that wants something from everyone else. Thanks, for showing me that people really are peices of shit, moreso than I thought. If you have a problem with it...and get offensive, then maybe you should wonder if it is you. 800 people and i have 60 that bother to sign my guestbook. Anything else from here on out...I am not doing for free. No one here is really a friend but the rare few who do message me about my son and about me. That rarely happens. Karma is a wonderful thing, because I know I am good...and regardless..good things will come to me. Friends on here..or friends elsewhere. Thanks for taking time to read this. If it pisssed you off, dont respond, you are probably on the list that I am talking about.

Days go by and seem to change every second. Each second being more precious than the  first one. Friends come, then they go...someone says I love you, then they have found another. Life has it's turns to where you barely can see...even in the brightest light. Sometimes, you question where to go, what to do..but in the end..there is nothing you can do but try. To everyone that reads this, know I care about every single person that comes into my life...I cherish each of them in different ways. I would give my last dimes to help friends in need...and do all the time. I do not ask for much, just  hope to see a smile on their face...even if they truely don't appreciate what is given. I feel good knowing that I am a good person. That my life,  no matter how hard it is, is not all horrible. At the end of the day, my soul is pure, and good. And I, wouldn't trade mine, for anything else in the world.

Last night I made some awesome new friends. I mean, real friends. I have the best fu fiance I think anyone could have. He loves me to death, and I know this. My owner, bought me from someone who treated me like garbage. I have met a couple other people that just are amazing. I have added some to my top friends..and I feel so blessed. It has taken me a long time to find out who is here for what. Who uses people, who doesn't. But I have had great words of wisdom, and I am so happy anyone took the time to talk to me personally. I really do love the friends that I make, and that is not said wrongly. I will treat you all so well...I know you all will treat me good too. Thank you all so much for actually caring about me and doing things for me...without even asking. I see now that the good ones, you don't need to ask for help or anything, they just do it. I am glad that I know these people. Thank you.

This is a lot to ask for, but i need a new owner bad. Mine has decided that he is going to talk down to me because when he was bombing he did absolutely nothing for me, and is supposed to one of my very good friends. He has done nothing for me since he was my owner, and he has the price set so high, hardly anyone can afford to buy me! I went and got him bling as soon as he bought me, and he was very kind. Normally, i would not care if someone does not bomb or bling me, but my son is in the hospital, and he couldn't even send a message saying im sorry. He was to busy trying to hit Oracle, and was selfish and did nothing for his friends. I was stupid to let him buy me. He was supposidly a good friend, but he didn't do anything nice for me at all, and sent no good wishes while i was away with my son being flown to a hospital in a different city so he didnt die. No letter, email, nothing, and then chewed me out for being upset that he didn't think of me when he went on his spree. I just want him gone. I don't like being disrespected. Someone please get him away.

I am so excited! My awesome fu fiance bought me my first one. I was starting to feel really down because only my pretty close friends were doing anything for me. My son was put in the hospital yesterday and will be there 10 days. He had a ruptured apendix..so everything has just sucked for a while. So, I am so happy to be able to see someone really gives a shit about me and my life!! Thank you Mike. I am activing the bomb tomorrow, so whoever bombs me today or tonight....will be bombed back. Also, I do want some bling, so if you get me something, and you have a folder, i will bomb you. Thank you to all my true friends that do do things for me. Karma is so wonderful! I hope everyone enjoys the HH! I will be bombing on Halloween!! yay!

Tears fall down my face

faster than words could say

save me from the torment i feel

please don't walk away.

The knife slowly glides across my wrist

yet i feel no true physical pain

you think you suffer so much

yet you have never seen the real rain.

The darkness of the night

the horror that lies in the depths of someones soul

the part that they are missing

the one that makes them completely not whole.

Feeding their ego

they eat at your pride

they laugh at you as you fall

and you crash amongst the ride.

Does it make you feel better

to talk down about others so

you have no esteem in yourself

you let it all go.

Lose it all

make it more than I can take

for this cycle you have created

is for your own selfish sake.

I don't really know how many people take fubar seriously...on a friendship level. I really do though. I guess in any place I try to. True, good friends, are so hard to come by...and as we sit here and rate people ...we should think about seriously, maybe getting to know some of those people.  I am planning to clear my friend list and redo  it with those that i feel really are here for friends...plus the fubar involves. I am going to go have dinner now..but will be back. Thank you to all of you that always show me love..even without me showing my breasts to the world. ;)

So, I am sitting here with Thomas, he just got through drawing up a new tat for me. It will be the second one I got in 2 weeks. Both have been pretty big. This one is basically going to be for my grandfather that died in 97. It is going to be a raven with a tombstone, and then his birth and death date...also nevermore on it.  I will post it when it is done!

It is simple, you keep in contact with me, I will you. I will rate you...bling you at times..and be a true friend. I have a couple I call my friends, some I have seen just to be the fubar sluts they claimed not to be. If that is what you are, delete yourself. Everyone wants to level, but I am more intelligent than some points you give people. I do not want to be treated as a number in your list. And would like to be removed if that is what I am. If you want to talk, write me...I will talk..I added everyone for a reason...and love everyone the same. I am not talking about my top friends....i just want to see who is here to actually be a friend. Because, I am. AND TO HAVE FUN! Best of both worlds.  Love you all.