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All I want.......

Ok i found another poem (im kmow geeky but thats me) that I like and just like the other one if u happen to be the author i will remove it.... All I want is to be held on to tight to hear you love me and that it will be all right That’s all I ever want to hear You whisper softly in my ear Hold me tight and don’t let go I’m waiting, longing, time moves so slow Written by Andrea Hulegaard
The Wooden Bowl I guarantee you will remember the tale of the Wooden Bowl tomorrow, a week from now, a month from now, a year from now. A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and four-year old grandson. The old man's hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered. The family ate together at the table. But the elderly grandfather's shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth. The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess. "We must do something about father," said the son. "I've had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor." So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner.There,Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner. Since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl. When the family glanced in Grandfather’s direction, sometime he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone. Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food. The four-year-old watched it all in silence. One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor. He asked the child sweetly, "What are you making?" Just as sweetly, the boy responded, "Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your food in when I grow up." The four-year-old smiled and went back to work. The words so struck the parents so that they were speechless. Then tears started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done. That evening the husband took Grandfather's hand and gently led him back to the family table. For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled. On a positive note, I've learned that, no matter what happens, how bad it seems! today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I've learned that, regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life. I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life." I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back. I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But, if you focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others, your work and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you. I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. I've learned that every day, you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch -- holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.!
Ok i have had this dream many times over but never had it woke me up til tonight and when i say i have had it many times over i mean the EXACT same dream. In the dream I am talking to my bf he hugs me and walks away. For some reason I start hunting for him and i cant ever find him then all of a sudden when i find him he is with this girl whom he had been seeing behind my back. In the dream i fight him and manage to MAKE him come home with me and forbid him to see her again. But the strange part is that I can feel the pain im feeling in the dream i mean really feel it. Yes he did cheat once before but we are working past that and i have moved on past it. It just doesnt make any sense to me am i subconciously not trusting him like i want to or what is up with it. I forgave him and i know i cant forget it but this dream is aggravating the shit out of me. And then there is this other dream where i can see myself being molested ( i was as a child) i can even feel what is happening. It wakes me up and the other night i woke up in tears with my bf holding me nothing more then just holding me. When i fell back asleep i stared dreaming it again. This time when i woke up it was because i had hit the person who was touching me in the dream so i asked the bf if i had hit him and he said i had. I have never hit anyone because of a dream and i felt and still feel awful over it.i dreamed that dream for two nights then i started having the previous dream about the bf cheating. I think im loosing my mind. and before anyone says that it means i think he is NO i dont think that i know he likes to look at women on here who no offense to anyone act like whores but i KNOW without a doubt that is as far as he takes it. And you may be asking how i know he isnt cheating....simple...he works from 9pm to 4am 3 nights a week...he rides to work with my uncle there for i know he isnt doing anything and the days he isnt working he is here sleeping from being tired from work or he is right with me. anyways if anyone has a clue about what these mean please fill me in.

What hurts the most!!!!

Funny how someone can say the words "I LOVE YOU" but lie to you. It's also funny how someone can lie to you about things for 8 months and still you stay with them. As with everything else i know he wont read this so im not worried about what he may think or have to say on this topic. As a matter of fact he dont read anything i have to say on any site im on. Doesnt sound like a very loveing relationship does it? Sounds more to me like someone being held to a place they dont want to be. I cant understand how one person in a realationship can be open about everything and the other cant keep a straight story for 5 minutes. Personally i think its fucked up. Dont tell me you love me then lie to me and expect me to believe that you really love me. I hide nothing i lie about nothing and if i do something i tell you so what the hell is your problem....we have already gone through this and im to a point i dont want to hold on to US anymore. What good is this if only one is trying to keep it together when the other is trying to pull it apart. STOP PLAYING WITH ME!!!!!!!!!!11
I promise you my love I promise you my life I promise we'll never be apart I promise not to hurt you I promise to never make you cry I promise to always trust you I promise not to lie I promise you forever I promise you tonight I promise you my respect I promise to do things right I promise to make everyday with you, bright I promise to always be there until the end of time I promise to always love you I promise to be your best friend I promise you my love I promise you my life I promise to be a faithful & loving wife!! I promise all this forever I’ll Never let you down!!!

BORED AS HELLLLLLLL

well what a shock huh? I stay bored unless david is home ;)and as bad as i hate to admit it sometimes then too because he is either asleep or on here. But oh well atleast he is here and not out fooling around on me right? I love him so much it hurts sometimes. HMMMMMMM wonder if he knows that? I know thats kinda cheesy huh? Oh well. What can i say i like to have my heart out on my sleeve so people can stomp on it. We everyone other then him now anyways. I know i send corny little messages and shit to him but i always pictured a perfect relationship (which might i say is what we had at one point) i mean like holding hands and kisses for the fun of kissing public affection like he was proud to be seen with me and the little messages just to say "I LOVE YOU" and whats funny is i know he wont read this so i can talk as much as i want about things i miss. Things happened between us and since then everything changed. I dont know what happened to the david i met and fell in love with but he isnt the same david that i love now. Im happy with the one i have now but i want the other david sometimes too. well i guess i better stop this now cause i dont want to get upset by remembering how things were and seeing how things are now. BUT if by chance he does read this........I LOVE YOU and ALWAYS WILL!!!!!!
I knew I had been touched by Love the first time I saw you and I felt your warmth and heard your laughter I knew I had been touched by Love when I was hurting from something that happened and you came along and made the hurt go away. I knew I had been touched by Love when I quit making plans with friends and started dreaming of you instead I knew I had been touched by Love when I stopped thinking in terms of "ME" and started thing in terms of "WE" I knew I had been touched by Love when suddenly I couldn't make decisions myself anymore, and I had this strong desire to share with you everything I had in stored I knew I had been touched by Love when all the times we spend alone, together and I knew I wanted to stay with you FOREVER. I had never felt this TOUCHED BY LOVE.

My family bitches to much

OK im on a ranting rampage this morning...... Well i go to visit my grandmother while im waiting on the time to come to take my son to headstart. And what do you know she starts gripping and complaining about how david does. Says he isnt trying to work and talks about how he is not talkitive. Well i kept telling her that it was nothing like she was saying it was and she said she was sorry that me and her had got to this point that i would defend david why wouldnt i defend him against her when she has no idea what she is talking about. She acts like his is worthless and called him sorry. He works the only job there is around here and is going to the unemployment office every chance he gets to put in more applications. He does what he can to help me with MY kids and does alot to help with our new baby. She talks about how he wont put on his seatbelt in her van (i think he should) and he leaves spit cans sitting around her house(i gave her props for that also) but i tell him all the time he needs to put on his seatbelt and that he needs to pick up his cans when he is done with them and not leave them sitting around up there. But she says and complains about everything anyone does yet she is suppose to be a christian. Like for instance my uncle who is a preacher goes down to his exes house and sits and talks to her they have a daughter together and all so i see no wrong in it as long as they arent doing anything but no mama sits and bitches about that too (sorry about my wording) i however can see a point to what he does because like him i am going through the divorce process and its hard to have something to do with the kids without the ex being part of that only i have my kids and my uncle dont and he only gets her for like one night so yeah i can see him going down there and spending time with his child. Anyways back to my situation. Why cant she just say what she knows to be true and leave the rest alone. I will tell you why because she is old and has no life of her own so she thinks she has to butt into everyone elses life. Am i wrong to be so pissed about this? I dont think i am. I think she should keep out of everyones business when it doesnt concern her. The way i see it she has no right to call any "sorry" when she cant see how they are trying just pisses me off that she does people that way. David is doing the best he can seeing as how he left his home where he knew where jobs were to come to be with me and his baby now he is looking for a new job to help me with two kids are arent his plus the one that is his. Where does she get off putting someone down like that anyways. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR....If i am wrong then tell me but hell i hear her bitching like this all the time. Enough is enough.

well well well

Well i cant seem to see how this is more interseting then my space at 230 in the morning.except that there are more skinny big breaste woomen for my boyfriend to look at so that i feel more like shit then i already do. Yes u can go ahead and say it "she's a jealous bitch" and damn right im jealous. Jealous that the one i love more then anything has to look at women on here and no i wont call them ladies because a lady doesnt show herself off some a ho or whatever. I mean no offense to anyone. I just cant see how someone can say they love some else and not be turned on by them. I guess its not meant to be understood or something. oh well anyways guess ill find something else to do since this cold isnt gonna let up anytime soon and the coughing is keepin me up.

What i would give

to get some really good sleep. Its ironic in a way that right when the new baby starts sleeping good i get sick and cant sleep. atleast the baby and david are sleeping good. Maybe i will be able to catch a nap this evening. Or maybe not...oh well...as they say lifes a bitch then you die!!!!!!
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