Joe Fresh's blog: "1 chapter of my book"

Another crime 11/5 She says come on lets get busy. I said who are you talking to? She said isn’t this what you want? Isn’t this the reason you are not happy in our marriage? I said …huh? What? Do you know who I am? Do you know what I want from you? Wait never mind, you answered that for me. No I don’t want your sex That was 10 years ago. This is 2005 I am older, wiser, less concerned about sex now Too many lost arguments over it It has carried to much power in this relationship I am just fine not sexing you Don’t take it personal, but since I never had it after 10 years. I wasn’t missing anything. Yes it was the best ever, yes I enjoyed, but now? I don’t know you You don’t know me We are strangers in our own home Where is your spot? Where is my spot? Can you hang with me? Do you have the same passion as I do? No, you are just doing it cuz you think I want it Sorry ……that isn’t me anymore.

WE 11/10/05 We walk by each other and say excuse me We call each other from the house while in the house We email each other to argue We buy things to make the other mad We accuse each other of an affair Cuz we are not sexing ourselves We continue each day and never say hello We never ask each other how you are We live this lie We exist as if we aren’t really a team We parent with the same goal But never together There is no I in team But an I in win But no one is winning in this relationship

Strangers in our home 11/10/05 I live with her She is not in love with me I live with her She doesn’t touch me I sleep with her We don’t cuddle I eat with her We don’t talk I shop for her She already bought it I cook for her She already ate Is it that we are strangers in our own home? Or does she have someone else?

The conclusion to an autopsy of her Love Turning back the hands of time is a song A fairytale, dreams, fantasy. Simply put IMPOSSIBLE I cannot go to 1989 I cannot go to 1990 I am not Michael J Fox, I don’t have a Delorian And I cannot go back to the past All I can do is work on our future, Your future, my future But in this future, I need to know Will you stay or will you go? If you stay, who will stay? Your old you or will you manifest a new woman Let me know, in the meantime I will stay in the relationship purgatory And waddle in the pool of self doubt, Self pity and sit here feeling shitty

The Autopsy or her homicide pt 1 I said I love you no matter what I said I am here She doesn’t listen to me She thinks I'm that other guy Here we go again. But it’s a twist, Some sort of R Kelly thang going on. She said the person that hurt her was me 15 years ago. All this time, I didn’t know 17 years later she tells me where I messed up When I was 20 I know I was an asshole I seen our old video tapes when We were in love with each other I said to myself, that guy in the tape Is an asshole But times have severely changed since then I realized my ways, I guess a car accident and Passin out at the club will give you some type of clarity Some type of epiphany Years later, as I have grown up, out, wide, inside I understand what love is I understand what I need to do Where I need to be But the person I wanna share this new me Doesn’t know me Doesn’t know the demons of jealousy The demons of lust are all gone That I am here for her @JoeFresh 9/05

Her Homicide to Love pt 4 She said It’s her weight that’s bothering her The reason she can’t get intimate with me Well that explains it, my love cannot be received If the person rejects themselves, I am stranded I told her that is not important I told her how much she completes me I am a full man alone But a better man with her by my side She completes me I need her But she needs herself I can only show her I am here forever I am not leaving I don’t care how much she weighs Her heart is what I am concerned about Where her heart lies Where her feelings dwell I need her to need herself I need her to call on herself She is a strong woman She is a dynamic woman I know cuz I married her @JoeFresh 9/05

Her Homicide to Love pt 3 The war apparently wasn’t over. At times I thought it was, I thought I seen a glimpse of a promising future But our relationship has a poltergeist It was built over ghosts that weren’t ready for the gates of hell Cuz obviously they hurt you, my angel, So they aren’t worthy of the pearly gates Your heart needs exorcised because of him Your soul needs cleansed Your mind needs a makeover These relationship ghosts carry too much power over you I offered you a place to vanquish them I offered you a place to feel at ease I offered you an indelible force field of love I had these for you I was your personal guardian shielding you from the worlds harm I wanted to be much more, but my physical limitations and commitments Wouldn’t let me be there 24/7 Although I was there mentally and you knew it. The relationship poltergeist Somehow doubt was callin’ you, Pullin’ you like Carol Ann. Closer and closer until it hit The relationship wall @JoeFresh 9/05

Her Homicide to Love pt 2 She said. It was hard for her to open because of some other fool That did irreparable damage I am not damage control Nor will I stand trial for that or those knuckleheadz. If you can open your mouth at the buffet Dammit you can open it with me can’t you? The man you claim to love The one you claim to need You say you love me? You say you trust me. Trust is 90% of love I haven’t hurt you in this relationship I am very careful ‘cuz I know the history of the bums before me So I am gentle I am caring I am attentive But yet, you seem like a mute button is stuck On enable on your mental remote I was tentative to get close fearing this F#$k “war against the worlds” its war right here. I am losing the battle of the ex’s. @JoeFresh9/05

Her homicide to Love pt 1 She said She doesn’t wanna lose me Stand in line miss Get your flashlight out I am not feeling this relationship. Communication is the only way to live in a relationship Bomb azz sex won’t carry it, money won’t carry it Being fine as hell won’t do it either. Communication I had slower relationships in Japan When I couldn’t speak a lick on Japanese But we managed, because she was willing to try. Hell here in America. English is our primary language You graduated from college and still can’t talk? She said She is afraid to lose me She said, she can’t open up She also stated I was the best thing ever Well, isn’t that worth keeping? I am not a ventriloquist I do not have my hand: Up your back In your neck Opening your mouth. Your words are for you to use. As we tell the kids in school. “Use your words” Please don’t say “What do you want me to say?” She says it anyway……………………sigh…… @JoeFresh 9/05