califdreamer Hott Stuffs Brat's blog: "11/15/07 Joke"

A guy steps into an elevator and there's just one attractive woman in it. He turns around to push the button for his floor and his elbow bumps right into her breast. He says, "Oh, I'm so sorry. If your heart is as soft as your breast, I hope you'll be able to forgive me." She looks at him a few seconds and says, "That's all right. If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 204."

The Mother Superior in the convent school was chatting with her young charges and she asked them what they wanted to be when they grew up. A twelve-year-old said, "I want to be a prostitute." The Mother Superior fainted dead away on the spot. When they revived her, she raised her head from the ground and gasped, "What did you say?" The young girl shrugged. "I said I want to be a prostitute." "A prostitute!" the Mother Superior said, "Oh, praise sweet Jesus! And I thought you said you wanted to be a Protestant."

The Seven Most Important Men in a Woman's Life The Doctor - who tells her to "take off all her clothes." The Dentist - who tells her to "open wide." The Milkman - who asks her "do you want it in the front or the back?" The Hairdresser - who asks her "do you want it teased or blown?" The Interior Designer - who tells her "once it's inside, you'll LOVE it!" The Banker - who insists to her "if you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest!" The Primal Hunter - who always goes deep into the bush, always shoots twice, always eats what he shoots, but keeps telling her "Keep quiet and lie still!"

A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist. The doctor took one look at this woman and all his professionalism went out the window. He immediately told her to undress. After she had disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. Doing so, he asked her, "Do you know what I'm doing?" "Yes," she replied, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities." "That is right," said the doctor. He then began to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I'm doing now?" he asked. "Yes," the woman said, "you're checking for any lumps or breast cancer." "Correct," replied the shady doctor. Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her. He asked, "Do you know what I'm doing now?" "Yes," she said. "You're getting herpes; which is why I came here in the first place."

A lumberjack new to the job had trouble meeting his quota. He worked as hard as he could, but still he could only chop down two or three trees in a day. His supervisor noticed this, and asked what was wrong. Maybe his chainsaw was broken. The supervisor turned it on, but it was working fine. The umberjack looked incredibly startled and asked, "What's that noise?"

The blind date hadn't been all that great and she was relieved the evening was finally over. At her apartment door, he suddenly said "Hey! You wanna see my underwear?" Before she could respond, he had dropped his pants, right there in the hall,revealing that he wasn't wearing any. She glanced down and said,"Nice design,does it also come in men's sizes ?

Down in Florida, two widows were talking and one asked the other, "Do you ever get to feeling horny?" "Yes," her friend replied. "What do you do about it?" "I usually suck on a Lifesaver." After a moment of stunned silence her friend asked, "Well, what beach do you go to?"

The following is a courtroom exchange between a defense attorney and a farmer with a bodily injury claim. It came from a Houston, Texas insurance agent. Attorney: "At the scene of the accident, did you tell the constable you had never felt better in your life?" Farmer: "That's right." Attorney: "Well, then, how is it that you are now claiming you were seriously injured when my client's auto hit your wagon?" Farmer: "When the constable arrived, he went over to my horse,who had a broken leg, and shot him. Then he went over to Rover, my dog, who was all banged up, and shot him. When he asked me how I felt,I just thought under the circumstances, it was a wise choice of words to say I've never felt better in my life.

A little old lady sits at the luncheonette counter and orders a hamburger. The huge guy behind the counter bellows, "ONE BURGER!" The cook, who's even bigger, screams, "BUR-GER!" Whereupon he grabs a huge hunk of chopped meat, stuffs it in his bare armpit, pumps his arm a few times to squeeze it flat,and tosses it on the grill. The old lady says, "That's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen!" The counterman says, "Yeah? You should be here in the morning when he makes the donuts!"

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90 percent. Wedding cake!