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Onatopa's blog: "A New Direction.."

created on 02/05/2007  |  http://fubar.com/a-new-direction/b52350
If you've been slow to catch spring fever, pull some lighthearted pranks. Remember, though... what goes around, comes around. If somebody decides to make you their April Fool, have the good grace to laugh at yourself, and be glad you provided onlookers with comic relief.

Put Aries in Last Place
Anybody who has ever hung out with a Ram knows these folks expect to be first in all things. If you'd like to have a little fun with your favorite Aries, make reservations at a fancy restaurant, then tip the maitre d' to seat a bunch of latecomers before you. Don't let this trick play out too long, though. This sign is famous for its red-hot temper!

Take Away Taurus' Comforts
There's no doubt about it: Bulls love their creature comforts. The best way to get under this sign's skin is to deprive them of their vices. Claim that the grocery store stopped carrying their favorite cookies. Pretend that the dry cleaner lost their cashmere sweater. Say that you used their expensive body lotion on the dog's chapped paws.

Keep Gemini Out of the Loop
Geminis love to gather information. If you'd like to pull this sign's leg, call when you know they'll be out. Leave a message that you've got some really, really important news. Then sit back and let your voice mail pick up all of your calls. When your pal finally does get hold of you and demands to know the big scoop, yell, "It's April Fool's Day!"

Get Crabby with Cancer
Crabs are notoriously moody, and often drive their loved ones crazy with their emotional highs and lows. If you'd like to give Cancer a taste of their own medicine, shift moods without any rhyme or reason. Act thrilled when you get the bills, and sulk when it's time for dessert. Take offense at compliments, and give profuse thanks for criticisms.

Make Leos Jealous
Leo loves being center stage, so make a point of praising their rival. (Lions are always competing with someone or another.) Exclaim over their good looks, brains and fabulous sense of humor. Then go on to say that you think that this person's gifts are unparalleled. Be quick to yell "April Fool!", lest Leo lets out a mighty roar. Their egos bruise easily!

Be Sloppy for Virgos
Virgins are the perfectionists of the zodiac. Even the sloppy ones expect stellar performances from everybody else. Therefore, go out of your way to do a lackluster job. Saunter into work late, keep your shirttail out, and shrug when asked about the status of the latest report. Pretend to misplace their phone messages, then bring one that reads, "Gotcha! April Fool!"

War Talk Makes Libra Crazy
If there's anything Libra can't stand, it's bickering. These folks want peace at any price. The easiest way to get this sign's goat is to stage an argument with a friend. Make it over something petty, like the way they comb their hair or the manner in which their shoes are tied. The louder the quarrel, the redder your Libra friend's face will become.

Don't Give a Darn About Scorpios
Scorpios are the most passionate members of the zodiac. For them, the opposite of love isn't hate...it's indifference. If you'd like to play a trick on this brooding sign, have somebody bring up a controversial issue, then loudly profess you don't care anything about it. Complain that people put too much stock in stupid things like religion, politics and sex, then watch the fireworks erupt.

Get Serious with Sagittarius
Archers will do anything to get a laugh, because they can't bear it when life gets too serious. If you'd like to turn the tables on your favorite Sag, refuse to smile at their antics. Remain stony-faced when they purposely dribble food down their fronts, talk in weird accents, and perform dead-on impersonations. Then have someone tell a lame joke, and laugh hysterically.

Take a Capricorn Discount Shopping
Goats are famous for their social climbing skills. Sometimes, their snobbery can wear a little thin. If you'd like to get a rise out of Capricorn, embrace the lowest common denominator. Serve peanut butter and marshmallow fluff sandwiches for lunch. Quote Jerry Springer extensively. Cite Daisy Duke and Rico Suave as your fashion icons.

Conform in Front of Aquarius
Aquarians take great pride in marching to the beat of their own drummer. The best way to tease these rebels is by conforming. Program all the channels on their car radio to the same Top Ten station. Refuse to read any books that haven't been recommended by Oprah. Suggest that he or she tone down their look in order to fit in.

Be Crass with Pisces
Pisceans are incredibly sensitive and compassionate. Fish have been known to burst into tears at the sight of a sad-eyed puppy. If you'd like to poke gentle fun at this sign, arrange to have a friend tell a terrible sob story, then make crass and unfeeling comments. The gentle Pisces you know and love will turn into a raging spitfire!




If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.) If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more like it!) The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. (O.M.G.!) A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (In my next life, I want to be a pig.) A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy...I'm still not over the pig) Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour (Don't try this at home, maybe at work) The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. ("Honey, I'm home. What the..?!") The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?) The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?) Some lions mate more than 50 times a day. (I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity) Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know.) The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmm.... ..) Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?) Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (okay, so that would be a good thing) A cat's urine glows under a black light. (I wonder who was paid to figure that out?) An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.) Starfish have no brains (I know some people like that too.) Polar bears are left-handed. (If they switch, they'll live a lot longer) Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about that pig??)

It's a new direction..

Testing a new Map out I just created...
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