Yesterday I was me. Confident, hopeful, trusting in the good the future would bring. I had dreams for tomorrow. My life was full of goals. I cared about the people around me and thought my accomplishments mattered. I thought, “Let me do this nice thing…someday my turn will come.” I thought I had made the right choices and done the right things.
Today broke me. I feel like the “me” is gone. I don’t want to get out of bed tomorrow. The future doesn’t matter anymore. I gave all I had to give, and it was slapped back at me. My “turn” is never coming. The person I was yesterday is forever lost.
Today, a bomb full of tiny knives went off inside me. It cut through me and tore me into unrecognizable pieces. I don’t know that I can ever fix it. I don’t think I care enough to bother trying. I am past all pain and too numb to care. Now, I am nothing but an empty void inside.
It’s not the end, but my world will never be the same. Oh, I will get up and do all the things that duty requires; my parents didn’t raise me to shirk my responsibilities. But I won’t care about it anymore. Why bother, what is the point?
This bomb, it showed me that my perceptions of the world were wrong. It destroyed all joy that life brings. I just don’t care now. The really sad part is that I don’t even want to care.
Take what you want. You can have it all. I have no strength left to protest and no desire to anyway. I don’t need anything or anyone.
So life will go on. It always does. I will smile to the world and pretend nothing has changed. On the outside I will play the game, but nothing will be able to touch me inside again. Cold, dead, empty, broken. What could ever fix that?
