I am having a friend type this because for the last six days I have been blind. I have to fight ALL THE TIME to get my medications due to a shitty insurance. I am out of my most important one for pain right now and they are taking forever to send them. I ended up going through a vicious withdrawl and then I will go through the same thing all over again if they ever show up. It is a very shitty place to be.
I have days where I am so exausted that I can't even get out of bed and other where moving is only able to be accomplished with two forearm crutches or a wheelchair. I also have soething called Optic Neurosis which makes my eyes blurry and to go in and out. They are also VERY sensitive to light so I wear sunglasses every where and keep my home dark. I feel like my kids are in a cage just because of me.
One day my eyes will go out like this and they will never come back. I have someone in my life who instead of being my person to lean on he kicks me while I am down. For example: The other day I made a reference to the amount of pain I was in and he said "You have been in pain for ten years." Is it me or is that cruel. He say things like this all the time. In Jan of 2006 I was in bed for a few weeks in a flare up but did what I could do to avoid the hospital. Finally I went in and I found out he was having cyber sex with all kinds of whores on the internet. I ended up in ICU and almost died and this is what he was doing. I came home to him telling me he wanted a divorce and then he agreed to therapy which never happened.
He makes remarks all the time about my MS. I do not know what to do. I need someone who loves me and cares. I thought I had met someone but now he has seemed to be backing off. This MS has ruined my career and now my life. Who can love someone with a very serious uncurable disease? I am made fun of all the time and I constantly wonder about being cheated on. I know this issue is not "witchy" in matter but this witch dictating it NEEDS to vent. I have 2 people who are supposed to love me and right now it seems as if neither do. The real bitch is stress makes the symptoms flare up. My MS is VERY aggressive and I NEED someone to lean on and to be there for me. For those who do not know what MS is - it is an auto-immune disease that breaks down the mylen in our bodies that covers our nerves. With out it our nerves get attacked and become weak,tingly and in time could become paralysed. It causes leisons in the brain and just attacks. This last feew weeks my legs have gotten weaker and weaker and now my eyes are gone. I cannot see a thing. This is why someone else is typing for me. I am scared because my eyes may never come back. I am on TONS of medications to try and keep everything in check but when they are hard to keep up because of price it is hard to keep my MS at bay. I have been very depressed and down. Next time you see a walk for MS PLEASE do it. It will help so many.
In Love and Light,
Cali
