Katie Kaos's blog: "confessions of a junkie"

R.I.P. PRETTY GIRL
I smell your perfume time to time and know you're with me. So many times I know it's you saving me and I miss my soul mate. Your beautiful face and our favorite songs loop through my mind this week. ♥ SAY THAT YOU'LL STAY FOREVER AND A DAY♥

All The Times I'd Tease You For Making Us Stop And Pick Black Eyed Susans...I'd Give Anything To Do It All Over Again

How dare you play the victim here? This isn’t high school sweetie and you aren’t a teenager. There are consequences for our actions. Trust is earned and when betrayal comes in you lose any right to claim victim. I’m sure it does hurt but its suppose to… use this and grow. Stop jumping from one man to the next carrying the same problems from one to another. One day you will see and understand what the rest of us do. 

I want to let the venom inside me spew into you but I’m better than that and you don’t deserve the energy of my words let alone hate

It’s going to be a rude awakening when you realize you can’t take care of yourself and something big actually happens. It’s true I was never a fan of you, simply you are the reason I don’t have many female friends. You prey on kindness and use it as a weakness. I may be a bitch but I’m up front I will stab you in the front.  I feel like a moronic bitch forever questioning my opinion of you. I wanted so much to like you or feel you were good for him. It killed me to hear “um fawn doesn’t have a boyfriend and in fact she is sending me nudes today” or “she asked me for money you know”

You know the night I talked to him I actually gave my fucking blessing. I went against my instincts and was happy to see my friend not only excited but in love. I haven't seen him like that let alone about a woman (sadly a little girl).... sure enough an hour after I'm feeling good and happy for him I get to hear about how you are a lying manipulative whore. Not only were you sending love letters to him but nudes to another man.

"I don't get it.  i really don't.  maybe *i* am the one over reacting...or maybe i'm not the only one who doesn't understand it.  the friendship with you two. i don't even know..."

OUR friendship has nothing to do with you or anyone else. if you had been a grown up and proven worthy of his love I would have easily let you into my life. I had even told him when he visited you and I would have a talk and fix some things. For you to play the victim in all this is ridiculous and childish as fuck. you made your bed baby now sleep in it.

I'm protective of my friends and women like you are the reason the rest of us have such a hard time having happy relationships. You fuck men over and use them until they are bitter then the next girl has to deal and pay for it. I cannot believe for a second I tried to befriend you or even tolerate your moronic ass but I did because my friend loved you and I love him.

I hope one day you can look in the mirror and truly see who you are. I find it impossible to think you are this naive or stupid fawn. It baffles me we are the same age yet you cant wrap your mind around simple things.

honesty-loyalty-pride   these are things a woman needs and I hope you can find them in yourself I really do. I wish you no harm but if you come around my family I will no longer hold my tongue. I'm fighting every urge to go off here and go into detail on all the whorish usury you do. Always about fawn and what gets her by right? Asking a man for money that’s classy! You tell this man that the love of your life is just a friend and its an inside joke you are "in a relationship" on facebook

FUCK YOU SO HARDCORE AND FUCK YOU FOR EVEN POSTING THIS. Another way for you to get pity and attention. Poor lil fawn let us baby her so she never has to grow up or deal with her own fuck ups.

Wake the hell up and deal with what you have done the world isn’t against you its just fed up with your dramatic bullshit

FINE FAMILY FUN! Lets make a day of it.....

OHHH in case things get out of hand...

By rhima22 at 2010-02-16

~SLY

(Katie’s tired and ranting)

Just because I don’t worship YOUR god does not mean I have no morals….

I’m really tired of people who assume they know my beliefs and then decide to go on   telling me what I believe. I enjoy even more when they point out my so-called beliefs are wrong. Honestly few people know what I may or may not choose to believe in. I think religion and such are very personal and should remain that way. I respect you and your views so respect mine.

I take issues with people who pick and chose what part of a religion they will use/believe. Ok I will take this and leave that, ignore this and fuck that. Before you go on a crusade to condemn me get your shit together.

People are often confused when they throw scripture at me and I can have an actual discussion with them. I am willing to listen to you and although you may not change my mind I will listen. Now if you just want reassurance or to fight about inconsequential drama im not your girl. Illogical ramblings to devalue my opinions will serve for little entertainment and I will grow bored.

Conversing with someone who ignores my point/views… I do get annoyed when I’m having a discussion or debate and the other person is so ignorant when I make a point or prove a different view they go REPEATING their same statement. Admitting you may be wrong is how we learn.

Having someone who acknowledges what I’m saying and refutes my points is something I can appreciate. However if you just continue saying what you think without explanations I will not see your side. If you have no substance or relevance in the conversation then don’t ask me. If you do come to recognize my point but just tune out I will remember (you know who you are :-P) PLEASE TRY SOME SOLUTIONS OR A LITTLE LOGIC, THANK YOU!!

I have spent the time in the past looking at various religions; I can’t follow blindly…I wont be lead into something questionable or ignore my feelings. I often wish I did have faith and something on my side. I like many aspects of certain groups but just never had that moment where I know this is for me. I was made for this and etc. I really dig Druids where Christians would say the creative force made the tree druids see the creative force IS the tree.

Before I drink the kool aid I would need my questions answered. Sadly when I do approach those in the know they often lead me into a world of bullshit. A life of contradictions, riddles that never add up. If faith is going with the flow and ignoring my instinct I guess I will forever remain faithless.

☣☠Kat☠☣

I’m stuck in my head and tired of worrying over people who never worry about me.. Crying over assholes that never cry over me.. Things I wish I could say but never will.

1- I’ve hurt you I can see that but why do you keep trying to rip my heart out? You should know after all these years you wont find it. Have fun digging around my rib cage.. If you ever find it let me know

2- Broken fingers, ribs, and nose I think we finally done. The violence between us will never fade but the love sure as fuck has.

3- I wont be here to build you back up. I’m through with watching her break you down and you running back to me. You are perfect for one another.. Let her dominate your sorry ass for a while

4-  I wish I knew what you were hiding. I'm not stupid or naive, I can feel the distance and differences adding up. I don’t even have the strength to put the pieces together.

5-  I bet it sucks to think I know all of your secrets. Does it burn to know I will never forgive you?

6- You may fool all of them but I see the monster inside. You can’t hide that side from me.. I carry the same demon and I can see yours as you can see mine.

7- If you run to me with all of her secrets don’t you think I would realize you run to her with mine? Sometimes saying nothing is enough.. Just shut your mouth

8- I can’t keep both you and I afloat, stop holding onto me. I’m drowning and you just drag me deeper. I know you will be my downfall and I’m done. I can’t expect to lift you up without you bringing me down.

9-  You may want to rethink your hiding technique… I saw the tracks on your arm silly boy. I see the pinpoint pupils and rapid mood swings… Trying to force happiness through your veins is sure to work.. Good luck with all that.

10- I love the color green you have become.. It looks like the color of jealousy.

11-  How about you just tell me what the fuck you want and that’s what we will do. It will save time and energy.

12- if you want me to believe you left him you might want to move your car out of his driveway. I’m clever huh? How did I ever know you were fucking him?

13-  I wish I were as hollow as you thought.. I wish these silly things didn’t bother me and you didn’t have the power to break me. I want so bad to move on but I keep getting pulled back. Don’t we know how this game will end? Haven’t we played this over and over? It wont be us who gets hurt just all of them..

14- Turns out you were right.. I didn’t care and I was too good at pretending.. Fuck off

I feel I should tell my guy friends to not read this.. it is a toned down version and censored the best I can lol.. Im sick ok, I find humor in everything morbid or gross.


Dear Gyno

It has become too much.. I have a few things I would like to share.
I feel for the future of our relationship its necessary. I did make some graphs and pie charts to illustrate my point.. However after much thought I decided to just hit on a few key notes…..

* Please stop making me undress only to sit there for an hour waiting for you.
I know I love to sit in a paper bag and wait for you to grope me.

* I cant stress this enough.. Don't smile when you are giving me a pelvic exam.. or maybe you should start serving tequila in the waiting room

* I don't want to hear about your daughter's Basketball game while you feel up on my breasts k

* If you tell me you understand how bad cramps can be one more time I will hurt you. No uterus, no idea

* Stop trying to give me a mirror.. I know what my body looks like… If I didn't I'm sure I wouldn't share that experience with you.. you didn't even buy me dinner first

* It is hard enough to lay there with legs up on the stirrups without you pushing me around.. tell me to move and I will. Believe me with a speculum attached to my body I'm not going anywhere.

* Without going into too much detail.. When you are switching instruments tell me. This isn't a fun game I like to play. "What did the doctor just put inside me"

* I am not an egg.. do not try to flip me with your barbaric torture instruments

* I would love to know how my female reproductive system becomes a learning experience for lil baby doctors lol… This is not a free show pay at the door bitch

* "Katie I understand what you're going through"
I trust you but often I do wonder with no uterus, vagina or ovaries how you really understand