Drakus's blog: "Confusius says"

Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.
Man who lives in glass house should change in basement.
Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day long.
Girl who sit on jockeys lap get hot tip.
Girl who sits on Judge's lap gets honourable discharge.
Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting on pants.
Man who leap off cliff jump to conclusion.
Man with tight trousers is pressing his luck.
Man who run in front of car, get tired.
Man who run behind car, get exhausted.
Passionate kiss like spiders web - soon lead to undoing of fly.
Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ.
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails.
Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night.
Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out.
It takes many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
Man who sit on tack get point.
He who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs.
Man who stand on street corner with hands in pockets, not feeling crazy, feeling nuts.
Boy who go to sleep with stiff problem wake up with solution in hand.
Woman who goes to man's apartment for snack, gets titbit.
Man who lay woman on ground, get peace on earth.
Man who gets kicked in testicles, left holding the bag.
Man who kisses girl's behind, gets crack in face.
Virginity like balloon--one prick, all gone.
Girls who rides bicycle, peddles ass all over town.
He who farts in church, sits in own pew.
Baseball all wrong--man with four balls can't walk.
Man with penis in peanut butter is fucking nuts.
Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time.
Man who take lady on camping trip, have one intent.
Woman who cooks carrots and peas in same pot very unsanitary.
Woman who dance while wearing jock strap have make believe ballroom.
Woman who fly plane upside down have crackup.
Secretary not permanent, till screwed on desk.
A girl's best asset is her lie ability.
Support bacteria -- it's the only culture some people have!
Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with smelly finger.
Baby conceived on back seat of car with automatic transmission grow up to be shiftless bastard.
Man with athletic finger make broad jump.
Man who speaks with forked tongue should not kiss balloons.
Man who lose key to apartment not get new key.
Even the greatest of whales is helpless in middle of desert.
Wash your face in the morning, neck at night.
He who eats too many prunes, sits on toilet many moons.
Elevator smell different to midget.
Man trapped in pantry have ass in jam.
A bird in hand makes hard to blow nose.
Find old man in dark, not hard!
Man who smoke pot choke on handle.
Ok for shit to happen... will decompose.
Man who put head on railroad track to listen for train likely to end up with splitting headache.
Sailor who gets discharged from navy leave buddies behind.
He who crosses the ocean twice without washing is a dirty double crosser.
Never raise hands to angry child, it leave groin exposed.
Those who quote me are fools.
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot!
Man who lay girl on hill not on level.
Wife who put man in dog house find him in cat house.
Man who marries a girl with no bust has right to feel low down.
Squirrel who runs up woman's leg not find nuts.
Seven days on honeymoon make one hole weak.
Modern house without toilet uncanny.
Nail on board is not good as screw on bench.
Short man who dance with tall woman get bust in mouth.
Woman who spends much time on bedspring, may have offspring.
Man and mouse alike, both end up in pussy.
Man who sucks nipples make clean breast of things.
Man who snatches kisses when young, kisses snatches when old.
Wife who slides down bannister makes monkey shine.
Girl who douches with vinegar walk around with sour puss.
He who sneezes without a handkerchief takes matters into his own hands.
Man who have head up ass, have shitty outlook on life.
Man who have hand in pocket not just jingling change.
A streaker is someone who is unsuited for his work.
He who make oral love to epileptic woman may get tongue-tied.
He who make love to exhaust pipe of car have hot rod.
Eplileptic woman who give blow-job may bite big one.
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Better to be pissed off than pissed on.
A man's last will and testiment is a dead give away.
When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
The best time to go to the dentist is tooth hurty.
The best way for university student to turn their life completly around is to get 180 degrees.
Those who get to big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
A vagina is like a very small hotel. One must leave his bag outside.
Man who mix Viagra and Ex-Lax, dosen't know if he's coming or going.
Jamaican proctologist is called Pokemon.
When one man rub lotion on another man, it is called Men-Gay.
Man who mix Rogaine with Viagra will end up hard headed.
A smile is like tight underwear ... it makes your cheeks go up.
Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.
A prostitute who likes bondage is usually strapped for cash.
A prostitute with a degree in psychology will blow your mind.
Always wear Stealth condoms...they'll never see you coming.
Best way to cure water on the brain is with a tap on the head.
A transvestite is a man who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
Amish woman's secret fantasy is two Mennonite.
When a bomb goes off in the middle of a herd of cows, there will be udder destruction.
To circumcise a whale, send down four skin divers.
An award winning dentist will be given a little plaque.
The difference between pink and purple, is your grip.
Sex is the only activity where you start at the top and work your way to the bottom, while getting a rise.
Pedophiliacs are fucking immature assholes.
Twelve months of drinking low-calorie beer is one Lite year.
Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter is Eskimo Pi
Women and rocks are very much alike. We skip the flat ones.
Police will arrest a transvestite, and charge him with male fraud.
Learn to masturbate--come in handy.
Pedophiles love Halloween because of free home delivery.
When Indian Chief Shortcake died, squaw bury Shortcake.
Mummys who take vacation, will relax and unwind.
Dalmatians can't play hide and seek, because they are always spotted.
The toilet of the Star Ship Enterprise contains 'the captains log'.
Part-time bandleader is called a semi-conductor.
Heat must travel faster than cold because, it is easy to catch a cold.
Viagra is like Disneyland... a one hour wait for a two minute ride.
Man who pamper his cow, will get spoiled milk.
Newscaster who reports hurricanes, knows how to talk up a storm.
Man who was a dude before marriage, is now subdued.
Woman who fall in love with elevator operator, usually get the shaft.
Girl who go on fishing trip with six men, come back with red snapper.
Geometry teacher who loses parrot, will have polygon.
Prisoner who paints in jail, will have brush with the law.
Company who make women's vibrators is called, Genital Electric.
Nurse who goes missing at beach, can be found under the doc.
Student who study history, will find there is no future in it.
Man who work all day for a pool maintenance company, will feel drained.
Epileptic lettuce farmer makes Seizure Salad.
If the washroom upstairs is occupied, there is a hypotenuse.
The only one whose troubles are behind him, is a school bus driver.
Since a lawyer joined our nudist colony, he hasn't had a suit.
The best defense against rape, is to beat off the attacker.
When TV repairman got married, the reception was excellent.
Miners with illuminated helmets, will feel lightheaded.
Getting sick at the airport, could be a terminal illness.
Undertakers are nice - they're the last to let people down.
Self-centered trumpet player, likes to toot his own horn.
Jokes become a father, when the punch line becomes apparent.
Balloon factory will go out of business if it can't keep up with inflation.
Man who start crystal ball factory, bound to make a fortune.
Lady who goes down first time out, is called Titanic.
An Australian Kiss is similar to French Kiss, but given down under.
Prostitute with her hand in her panties is self employed.
If you run into your ex on the street, just shift into reverse and keep going.
Whether or not sex is better than pot, depends on the pusher.
Man who wants to kill a circus troupe, should go for the juggler.
Never tell a one legged hitch hiker to hop in.
Woman who loses wedding ring in kitchen, should remove her drawers
A speech is like a bicycle wheel...the longer the spoke, the greater the tire.
Christmas trees are like priests...their balls are just for decoration.
Half of a large intestine is equal to one semicolon.
Van Gogh was a painter because he didn't have an ear for music.
Banker who sits in freezer, will have frozen assets.
Girl laid in tomb may soon become mummy.
Man who put head it fruit drink, get punch in nose.
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Two wrongs may not make a right; but two Wrights made an airplane.
Man who keeps nose to the grindstone, have sharp boogers.
If your girlfriend starts smoking, slow down and use a lubricant.
Winnie The Pooh will get angry if you stick your finger in his honey.
A man who cries while he masturbates is a real tearjerker.
Constipated people don't give a crap.
A virgin on waterbed is called a cherry float.
Man with hard problem usually give it to woman.
Wise man buy prunes... get good run for money.
Man who comes into money, have sticky financial situation.
Oral sex makes one's day, but anal sex makes one's hole weak.
If someone calls you fat, don't get angry... just turn the other chin.
If you continue to live in the past, your life is history.
It's ok for schoolboy to masturbate, as long as it's not against his principal.
The very first doctor of dermatology, had to start from scratch.
Man who jumps through screen door likely to strain himself.
New wives are like computers...they go down unexpectedly.
Best time to buy new mattress, at first sign of spring.
Without nipples, breasts would be pointless.
Just one letter makes all the difference between here and there.
There is one thing that all smart asses have in common... wise cracks.
Man who fall into an upholstery machine, eventually be fully recovered.
People who say they never fart, are full of hot air.
Putting teenager in prison, won't stop his face from breaking out.
Dog may be man's best friend, but pussy not far behind.
If wise man marry, he become otherwise.
He who sleep on bed of nails, is indeed a holy man.
Man who has money to burn, makes an ash of himself.
Man have more hair on chest than woman, but on the whole woman have more.
Man who dates dynamite lady, gets big bang out of her.
If you want a committed man, look in mental hospital.
He who eats crackers in bed, get crummy sleep.
Woman who wears padded bra, makes mountains out of molehills.
Man who pulls on woman's bra-strap, may get bust in mouth.
Chemist who fall in acid, get absorbed in work.
To make egg roll, push it.
Virgin with thimble on finger, never feel prick.
Man who make love to cash register, come into money.
Man who fondle girl having period, get caught red handed.
He who sniffs coke, gets ice cube up nose.
Sex on beach is like American beer...very near water.
Man who masturbate only screwing himself.
Man who do business in whore house, get jerked around.
Butcher who back into meat-grinder, get a little behind in his orders.
Woman who marry detective must kiss dick.
Man who sink into woman's arms soon have arms in woman's sink.
It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park meat in girl.
Man who shoot off mouth, must expect to lose face.
Woman who puts detergent on top shelf, jump for Joy...
Man who eats photograph of his Dad is soon spitting image of his father.
Man who pushes piano down mineshaft get A flat minor.
woman is like jazz music--3/4 jazz time and 1/4 rag time.
He who eat ice cream in car is a sundae driver.
Cows without legs are ground beef.
Woman who is in love with priest will chase him through church and grab him by the organ.
Economy will go up and down when country is run by yo-yo's.
Basketball player who marry midget lady will be nuts over her.
Chinese couple who have white baby, name it Sum Ting Wong.
He who places head in sand, will get kicked in the end!
Man who let woman on top, will screw up.
Sexy typist will bang ..board!
Many men bite, but Fu Man Chu.
Sumo wrestling is survival of the fattest.
Woman who wear g-string, high on crack!