St. Peter came to the Lord and said, "Lord, I have to talk to you.
> > >
> > >I have a problem. I know we didn't have many Jamaicans in heaven so
> > >
> > >you instituted an affirmative action plan and we are supposed to have
> > >
> > >10,000 Jamaicans in heaven. But they are causing so many problems!
> > >
> > >They have torn down the Pearly Gates by swinging on them.
> > >
> > >They have let in another 10,000 of their bredrin through the fence.
> > >
> > >They are constantly standing by the gate disturbing Angel Gabriel
> >begging
> > >for
> > >
> > >a "bly" for their baby modder, cousin, sistren, neighbour, granny,
> > >auntie...
> > >
> > >Whenever it is their turn to watch the gates they keep letting in
> >
> >good
> > >
> > >looking women and fat women.
> > >
> > >They have stolen my harp.
> > >
> > >They have gotten jerk sauce all over their white robes.
> > >
> > >Drum pan chicken is being sold all over the Streets of Gold.
> > >
> > >Some are walking around with only one wing because they are "styling"
> > >
> > >Angels must have two wings to fly! Some of them have put on chrome
> >wings
> > >and
> > >
> > >dazzling the other angels when they are flying.
> > >
> > >The white robes are eternal and must be washed five times a day. Some
> > >
> > >haven't washed their robes since they arrived because they didn't
> >come
> > >
> > >to heaven do "day's work".
> > >
> > >Some have refused to take their turn in helping keep the Stairway to
> > >
> > >Heaven clean
> >because "dem ah no boddy helper".
> > >
> > >Many who came here because they used salt are still using it because
> > >
> > >they don't like "ital" food.
> > >
> > >Some refuse to wear their halos because they don't fit right over
> > >
> > >their hairstyles. Others are wearing their halos backways. Others are
> > >
> > >wearing their halos with the tags still attached to them. Others have
> > >discarded the
> > >
> > >white halos and are wearing gold ones instead they claim these are "
> > >bashy".
> > >
> > >Most of the women have discarded their white robes and are wearing
> >white
> > >
> > >shorts and "batty riders" claiming that they have pretty skin and
> >want
> > >
> > >to show off their "bandylegs".
> > >
> > >Reggae music is blasted at all hours of night at their
> >"bashments",
> > >dsturbing all the other residents.
> > >
> > >Their cellular phones are worn on their robes and keeps ringing
> >during
> > >prayers.
> > >
> > >Recently there was an altercation between Adam and one Jamaican who
> >claims
> > >
> > >he was only "checking out" Eve.
> > >
> > >They have planted marijuana in the Garden of Eden since the soil is
> >so
> > >fertile claiming
> > >
> > >"man and man haffi hustle".
> > >
> > >What should I do?!"
> > >
> > >The Lord said; "It wouldn't be fair to not let Jamaicans in heaven.
> > >
> > >They have just as much right to be here as other nationalities. Maybe
> >we
> > >
> > >just don't know how to deal with them; maybe we are using the wrong
> > >approach.
> > >
> > >We need to check with someone who has more
> >experience dealing with
> >them.
> > >
> > >Let's call the Devil.
> > >
> > >The Devil answered the phone and said, "Hello, Lord. What can I do
> >for
> > >you?"
> > >
> > >The Lord said, "We have a problem up here, and we'd like to talk to
> >you
> > >about it."
> > >
> > >The Devil said, "Just a minute, I've got to put you on hold. "The
> >Devil
> > >was gone five minutes.
> > >
> > >He came back to the phone and said, "OK Lord, I'm back.
> > >
> > >What's up?"
> > >
> > >The Lord said, "Well, I would like to talk to you about a problem up
> > >here."
> > >
> > >Once again the Devil excused himself and put the Lord on hold.
> > >
> > >This time he was gone for fifteen minutes. Finally, the Devil came
> >back to
> > >the phone and said,
> > >
> > >"Lord, I am really
> >sorry, but I can't talk to you right now. I have
> >to go.
> > >
> > >These damn Jamaicans down here..... Yesterday they had air
> >conditioning
> > >
> > >installed. Now they have just extinguished Hell's Fire, saying "man
> >come
> > >
> > >to Hell fe 'chill'.
