826549's blog: "Family"

My grandma means everything to me. I have memories of my grandma always on the go and active and always doing something. Now when i see my grandma im like what the hell. It kills me to see her not health and in the bad shape she is in. My 11 year old cousin has it easy because she really doesnt have the memories that i have or the rest of my family has. its not easy for my family to see my grandma like this. it kills us because of the memories. I am ready to throw up my hands be like i dont care anymore and im done.

My life has been a rollar coaster. My relationships with guys have been a rollar coaster. But my last relationship with a guy it had a positive and negative impact in my life. The only thing i didnt expect out of that relationship was my heart having walls around it. I knew in my mind my relationship was over with this one person but i didnt know that i had closed my heart off to being open for love again. It wasnt until i got with my current boyfriend that i realized how closed my heart was. The mere thought of losing him scares that crap of me. I have never loved him like i had anyone else i have been with. But i dont want to go back to being how i was before him. who knows anymore. there is only so much i can say or do to tell him how i feel. It is up to him what he wants to do.

Okay lately i have been dealing with things due to my own stupidity. I am working on fixing it or least trying to anyways. The one person i would think that is on my side i guess is not. Lately i have been getting nothing but fucking attitude from him and i cant figure out why. It really hurts me but i guess there is nothing i say or do will change that. I love this person more then the world. this person is my world my everything and i feel like i pushed him to far and now there is nothing i can do.

Heart break i fucking hate it. i wish i didnt have to deal with it. but no matter what we have to deal with it. one thing that is heart breaking is being away from the one i love to death for so long. Another thing that is really breaking my heart is the whole situation i am having with my brother. I want to be apart of my brother's life very much. i feel like i was forced into making a choice i didnt have to make. but whatever my brother doesnt got how hurt i am by it.

Despite 3000 miles of being apart i meant this guy that i like alot. But it might all come to a end due to a honest mistake i made. It is tearing me apart because i really like this guy. I want make it work despite the distance. I know it can work if me and him try to make it work. Part of the reason i know it can work if me and him try is i know people that have meet on Fubar and have made it work. The only huge factor for me and him is the distance and my ex.