larissaaaron's blog: "RANDOM THINGS"

the funny things kids say OPINIONS >> >>On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note >>from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this >>child are not necessarily those of his parents." >> >> KETCHUP >> >>A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her >>struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer >>the phone. "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. >> She's hitting the bottle." >> >> MORE NUDITY >> >>A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself i n >>the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into >>shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The >>little boy >>watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't >>you ever seen a little boy before?" >> >> POLICE 1 >> >>While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was >>interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at >>my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" >>"Yes," I answered and continued writing the report. >>"My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that >>right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her. >>"Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?" >> >> POLICE 2 >> >>It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the >>station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, >>and I saw a little boy staring in at me "Is that a dog you got back >>there?" he asked. >>"It sure is," I replied. >>Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towar ds the back of the van. >>Finally he said, "What'd he do?" >> >> ELDERLY >> >>While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly >>shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. >>She was unfailingly intrigued by the va rious appliances of old age, >>particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found >>her staring at a pair of >>false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable >>barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, >>"The tooth fairy will never believe this!" >> >> DRESS-UP >> >>A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw >>her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, >> "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not, darling?" >>"You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning. " >> >> DEATH >> >>While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister >>heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. >>Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. >>Feeling that >>proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and >>cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the >>deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate >>prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father >>always said: "Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and >>into the hole he goooes." (I want this line used at my funeral!) >> >> SCHOOL >> >>A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just >>wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't >>write and they >>won't let me talk!" >> >> BIBLE >> >>A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he >>fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the >>Bible. He >>picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf >>that had >>been pressed in between the pages. >>"Mama, look what I found," the boy called out. >>"What have you got there, dear?" >>With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, >> "I think it's Adam's underwear!"