JuSsCuZzZ504's blog: "GØTTÅ RëÅЧ"

On the first day, God created the dog and said:

'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'

The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?'

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said:

'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span.'

The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?'

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said:

'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.'

The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years.. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?'

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created humans and said:

'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years.'

But the human said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?'

'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service.

1. I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my
Newspaper like I used to, before the Internet.

2. I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one
Hand typing.

3. I will get dressed before noon.

4. I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and
Plan dinner before even thinking of the Internet.

5. I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few
Friends and family that are Internet-deprived.

6. I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the
Internet.

7. I will read a book... If I still remember how.

8. I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop
Telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the
Internet.

9. I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for
Email.

10. I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if
It is necessary or not.

11. I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to
Balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Internet.

12. Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed
Sometime... And the Internet will always be there tomorrow!

The new nail gun, made by Dewalt can drive a 16D nail through a 2 X 4 at 200 yards. 
This makes construction a breeze, you can sit in your lawn chair and build a fence. 
Just get the wife to hold the fence boards in place while you sit back and relax with 
a cold d! rink.  When she has the board in the right place just fire away... With the 
hundred round magazine, you can build the fence with a minimum of reloading. 
After a day of fence building with the new Dewalt Rapid fire nail gun, the wife 
will not ask you to fix or build anything else.

The best place to be when
 You're sad is with your dog.

When your mom is mad at your dad,
 Don't let her brush your hair.

No matter how hard  You try, you can't  Baptize cats.

If your sister hits you, don't hit her back.
They always catch the second person.

Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time.

You can't hide broccoli in a glass of milk.

A pencil without an eraser may as well just be a pen.


Don't wear polka-dot underwear
Under white shorts.

Never say "Last one is a rotten egg"
Unless you're absolutely sure someone
Is slower than you.

It's impossible to unlearn a bad word.

Your room gets smaller as you get bigger.

You can't start over just because
 You're losing the game.

If you want someone to listen to you,
Whisper it.

Sometimes you have to take the test
Before you've finished studying.

You can't trust dogs To watch your food.

If you throw a ball at someone,
They'll probably throw it back.

Don't nod On the phone.

 
It's easier to see the mistakes
 On someone else's paper.