>> Why athletes don't have real jobs
>>
>> In honor of the opening of NFL season, I offer these gems:
>>
>> 1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan'
>
>> all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to
>
>> copulate me."
>>
>> 2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming
>> season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes
>> first."
>>
>> 3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skins say: "I'd run over my
>> own mother to win the Super Bowl", Matt Millen of the Raiders
>> said: "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."
>>
>> 4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John
>> Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."
>>
>> 5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann,
>> 1996: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy
>
>> like Norman Einstein"
>>
>> 6. Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm
>> going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."
>>
>> 7. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up
>> alphabetically by height." And, "You guys pair up in groups of three,
>> and then line up in a circle."
>>
>> 8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison: "Why would
>> anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three
>> years, not Princeton."
>>
>> 9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps
>> a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget
>> how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."
>>
>> 10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime
>> of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock
>> in the morning regardless of what time it is."
>>
>> 11. Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining
>> to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at
>> practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going
>
>> to be an uncle or an aunt."
>>
>> 12. Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told
>> him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said,
>> 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'"
>>
>> 13. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he
>> told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like
>> you're spending too much time on one subject."
>>
>> 14. Amarillo High School and Oiler coach Bum Phillips when asked by
>> Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips
>> responded: "Because she is too damn ugly to kiss good- bye."
