Just thinking
Current mood: lonely
Category: Romance and Relationships
Good morning, first I would like to say that we had freezing rain all night and the ice on the trees and grass is so beautiful. I hope we have some sunlight to make it all sparkle.
Now onto my other thoughts for today, I was at work tonight and was thinking of a woman I dated a couple of years ago and I got to thinking how hard it is to find someone who is into doing more than having sex. I love women and I enjoy doing the nasty with them, but I want more. In my opinion sex is just way overrated. To me it is more about the emotional side of things. Every woman that I have been with only seemed to care about the sex, but I really have to wonder if there is more to it. Needless to say I did not get the chance to be completely intimate with this woman, I wanted to move slowly and get to know each other but she seemed to have other motives. I developed feelings for her and then one night she told me she was going back to her ex, leaving me feeling like I just wasn't good enough for her. Another factor I think was that I was also with my guy and even though I told her that she did not have to be involved with him she still felt odd. I guess that is a lot to ask, but my guy agreed that as long as she was willing to respect him and say hey how ya doing every now and again then it was cool. But she wouldn't even say hi to him, for some reason she was extremely skittish towards men, so I accepted her decision and went on my way. Well, she called me back a few weeks later telling me that her ex left her again and wanted to try again with me, so I saw her a few more times and she got frustrated because I couldn't drop everything and drive out to see her, she lived an hour away and I also have my daughter so it is a bit hard to just drop what I am doing and go for a drive. However I did a couple of times so she would know I was interested and willing to try, but all she seemed to want to do is get in my pants. So after the last meeting I didn't hear from her for like 6 months and by then I was married, which I had told her and of course haven't heard from her since. I guess she wasn't looking for the same emotional thing I was. Which leads me to wonder if being with the same sex is only about the sex. From my experiences that is all it has been. And quite honestly, I could really care less about the sex, I want more of an emotional relationship and if sex comes around cool, if not ok. What I am really looking for is a girlfriend I can be very close to and talk to about anything. Someone who doesn't mind coming to my house and just hanging out watching movies. I don't have lots of money, so I am into the simple things. I want a girl who is content going to dinner every now and again, going to a movie, going for a walk in the park, holding hands and strolling down the sidewalk, having ice cream together, cuddling up next to each other at home and watching a movie. And also someone I can buy flowers for every now and again, or a card, or a box of chocolates or something I think would make her happy. If there is any such thing as this I have not found it yet. I guess with Valentine's Day coming up I have been thinking about this a lot. I just want to meet that one special girl that will accept me for me and accept that I am in a relationship but that it is also flexible. My heart desires female companionship which I have been searching for for years, looking for something under my own terms, something that isn't just sex, sex, sex. Something that will fulfill my desire to love and cherish someone who likes the same things I like and someone who will just let me be me. Until then I will keep searching, if there is even a such thing I may never know.
