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ive been thinking alot about this past year and i find myself feeling really sad and lonely...mostly for old friends that i no longer have. yea i shouldnt think about it but i cant help it, desparately tryin to hang on to happier times long gone and it hurts. i long for the ppl i lost, how can i say im sorry and lets forgive and forget? i wish to so much but they dont, of course there is nothing i can do about it but i wish there was.. why do i have to do this to myself? i wish i had an answer but i dont. my memories are all ihave left and they are so painful..... i just want my friend back i miss him so much. :(
so if you know me real well you know that i among of the biggest procrastinator this side of the flint river lol. ive always been like that and ive always been an emotional person. lately i just really havent been happy, so much so that alot of the time i find myself almost in tears for no apparent reason. i need to make some changes in my life but ive been living the same way for so long. idk what to do but i gotta do something cuz im not happy, i know i need to change and in some way, i have been making some changes...small changes but i have been trying, i cant handle change well and i am kinda scared to make changes in my life, but i gotta do it not only for me but for my kids to.
i just gotta keep the faith and not dispare so much and believe everything will work out in the end. i just gotta stay positive:D
FIN
so obviously i let things bother me wayyyy to much. so much so that sometimes it consumes my life, i am an extremely emotional person (some can chalk it up as me being nuts or crazy, i assure i am neither). when i get to whining and cryin about something its only cuz i let things bother me sooo much that it will spill out all at once. i just need to vent out my frustrations once i do that...for the most part im fine unless its something serious then i get into one of my states where im freakin out. the people who know me best..know how to read the signs and are ready to do what they need to do to see me thru, those are really the ones worth having around!!. yesterday of course was one of those days where i had noone to talk to so i put it down on my blog. it helped some but not completely. i guess i just need to grow some thicker skin and just say fuck it! FUCK IT! that felt kinda good lemme say it again FUCK IT!! yea lol that felt good..now if only i could have a more of a fuck it attitude and not be so emotional i could avoid gettin hurt to the extent that i do. like i said before i take responsibility for my actions..i totally know how i am and how i come across..im aware of my faults and flaws....but i also take my feelings very seriously and i dont appreciate it when my time and my feelings are being played with. if i overreact, well its hardly my fault if im being lead to believe something that is a lie. but lemme get back on track lol. point is if ur my real friend, my emotional outburts shouldnt be a problem and you should be there for me to support me cuz i would do that for any of my friends. guess im just tryin to say is im an emotional person people..love me and accept it or bug off. i dont need anymore negativity in my life..i have enough of it comin from me i dont need yours!!
does any of this make sense? no..sorry i was just rambling lol. if u read all of it..thanks alot i appreciate it...if not i dont blame ya lol laterzzz
FIN
ok first off lemme thank those of you who took the time to vote and commented on my MuMM it was greatly appreciated. it was my first one so im sure it wasnt the best one, oh well. anyways the whole point of it was to gimme a satisfactory answer to my 6 yr olds question, who is gods daddy? everyones opinion is different of course and it was interesting to read all of your responses so thanks again!! however....none of the answers i felt i could explain to him properly without confusing him or myself lmaoo. my boss however gave me an answer and im sure itll satisfy alot of u...god is a spirit i guess would be a good way to put it. i dunno if i could tell my son that..i could see a whole lot of other questions comin from that answer lol.
well thank for takin the time out to read my very first blog yaaa mee hehe. til next time all my fufriendsssss xoxoxo
